To not be taking step daughter on honeymoon with us?

[poppy33xx]

My DP & I have been together 6 years and are tying the knot this summer. We are having my DSD (11) for an extra 2 week period around the wedding which is lovely as we want her to be involved and she's very excited, we are going dress shopping soon actually, hair & make up trials together. Everything has been lovely, easy planning & stress free. We are having a very low key wedding with around 15 immediate family & friends.

We booked a honeymoon just the two of us for a the day after we drop DSD home to her mums. We go away for 10 days and it won't interfere with contact time with DSD, other than DP's mum picking her up from school the day we land just in case our flight is delayed. We are going to the US. We did choose to splurge on this honeymoon, as we preferred to do this rather than spend big bucks on the wedding. It has meant we haven't been able to afford our usual 7 day all inclusive yearly holiday with DSD, but we are still taking her away this year but to somewhere in the UK (still a week & will still be lots of fun).

Anyways, recently when I've been talking to various people the first question I get asked is 'are the 3 of you going on honeymoon then' or 'aww poor DSD' or 'that's a shame for her' or similar things along the same line. This has taken me a aback as I didn't think it was commonplace for couples to bring their kids on honeymoon? but now I'm questioning everything! As much as I love DSD and get on great with her, I'd quite like some down time and 1 on 1 time with my partner after we get married. He was in agreement and when I bought it up with him he even said to me 'why would we bring DSD'....

I'd like to just add so that I don't sound like a horrid SM, that we include DSD with our lives as much as we can, she has an amazing room at ours, she knows all my family, she's a part of my family as much as my DP's now to be honest. We have always taken her on holiday every year (all abroad) and we have her regularly. In 6 years there really hasn't been any issues at all whatsoever...so I'm not sure why this has got me questioning so much and why part of me feels bad.

What are other's peoples thoughts on this please?

YABU - You should take DSD on honeymoon yes.
YANBU - Fine to go without

[Rickrolypoly]

I wouldn't even bring my own kids on a honeymoon.

Live for yourself and stop worrying about what others think.

[Catza]

It's a honeymoon, it's outside of your normal contact time and you are still taking a family holiday as planned. Absolutely fine to go away just the two of you.

[MotherofWomen]

If you had joint kids you were planning to take, I’d say YABU, but that’s not the case. I
think YANBU at all.

[Woodstocks]

People are so weird to say that. Of course she shouldn’t come. It’s a. Her time with mum and b. Even if it wasn’t it is a once in a lifetime memory for you and your partner getting married!

NO WAY would I accept my step kids coming on honeymoon with us!

And all the people saying “poor kid not having a foreign holiday” well - that is a luxury and not a necessity and she already goes on holiday with you so it’s not unreasonable to draw a line somewhere. Not everything revolves around kids.

[Riverlee]

A honeymoon is for you and dp. Wouldn’t be the same with a child tagging along.

[SunshineAndFizz]

No way I'd take her - from what you've said there's literally no issues (you've got a good relationship, no other kids are going, doesn't impact usual contact).

Go. Enjoy yourselves. Don't give it another's moments worry.

[JimBeamCoke]

YANBU - where are you going though as I suspect this might be the reason?
For example: Disneyworld - people assume it is only for kids and your step-daughter would be missing out.

[Doseofreality]

I put you are being unreasonable but really it’s her Dad who is, splashing all that cash on a trip to America and she gets a trip in the UK.
She will resent that, even if she doesn’t outwardly show it.

[Ilikewinter]

Friggin ell who on earth thinks its normal to take children on honeymoon ??? 100% no to that, its your special time together

[yogpot]

You know weird people. I’ve got family going on (delayed) honeymoon this year and they aren’t taking their (joint!) kids. No one has assumed they would be. Because WHY would you??

[socks1107]

Yanbu. We got married and our respective children didn't come.
It did interfere with time with us but only by a weekend for one and a week for the others. Nonsense that anyone should even suggest it

[SpanThatWorld]

@Doseofreality

I put you are being unreasonable but really it’s her Dad who is, splashing all that cash on a trip to America and she gets a trip in the UK.
She will resent that, even if she doesn’t outwardly show it.

Will she?

My dad and his wife went to the Caribbean on their honeymoon. Good luck to them. Never occurred to me to resent that.

[BebyDuc]

I didn't take my own kids on my honeymoon.

My mum didn't take us, I remember staying with my nan.

I don't know anyone who's taken their kids. Not a single soul.

That would be weird.

[jolota]

Bizarre comments.
Honeymoon is literally the one time you should be able to go on holiday without any children and it be above question surely?

[poppy33xx]

@JimBeamCoke

YANBU - where are you going though as I suspect this might be the reason?
For example: Disneyworld - people assume it is only for kids and your step-daughter would be missing out.

We are most definitely NOT going to Disney lol...

[Amonthinthecountry]

Yeah, you’re fine. This is exactly the kind of weird thing I would say to someone and then later I’d think, ‘God, why did I say that?!’

Hope you have a brilliant trip btw!

[poppy33xx]

@Doseofreality

I put you are being unreasonable but really it’s her Dad who is, splashing all that cash on a trip to America and she gets a trip in the UK.
She will resent that, even if she doesn’t outwardly show it.

I mean... we are paying jointly though for our honeymoon plus a very large generous gift from my parents??? Not just my DP...so he's deffo not 'splashing the cash'

[MFF2010]

I wouldn't take my own kids let alone someone elses!

[CointreauVersial]

We took ours, but they were babies. We also took my parents (!) so they could help with childcare and give us a bit of time to ourselves. But that suited us at the time, and the DCs were too young to be left for long.

Absolutely go without DSD and ignore the guilt-trippers.

[PennyPugwash]

You sound lovely!
I wouldn't entertain the idea of taking children on honeymoon.
People are so odd for suggesting, especially the ones that come out with the "poor DSD".
It's nonsense.
Enjoy yourself!

[Francisflute]

Not BU at all! I would say differently if taking joint children and not DSD but not as it's just the two of you and you've taken so much care to include her in everything else and still have a lovely holiday together. Enjoy!

[WeeOrcadian]

Fuck that

YADNBU

[Chatonette]

Stepchild here: I didn’t go on my mum/stepdad’s honeymoon (age 7), nor my dad/stepmum’s honeymoon (age 9). What a strange question people are asking you!!!

[Tdcp]

It's your honeymoon, you absolutely shouldn't be taking your DSD (unless that was something you all wanted to do obvs). You shouldn't feel pressured to take a child on your honeymoon by anyone let alone outsiders.

[justanotherrandomperson]

Some people do take kids along with them, but for the vast majority it's understood that by definition a honeymoon is for the married couple. Otherwise it's a different type of getaway. People making 'oh, how sad' comments are being weird. It's none of their business.