To not be taking step daughter on honeymoon with us?

[poppy33xx]

My DP & I have been together 6 years and are tying the knot this summer. We are having my DSD (11) for an extra 2 week period around the wedding which is lovely as we want her to be involved and she's very excited, we are going dress shopping soon actually, hair & make up trials together. Everything has been lovely, easy planning & stress free. We are having a very low key wedding with around 15 immediate family & friends.

We booked a honeymoon just the two of us for a the day after we drop DSD home to her mums. We go away for 10 days and it won't interfere with contact time with DSD, other than DP's mum picking her up from school the day we land just in case our flight is delayed. We are going to the US. We did choose to splurge on this honeymoon, as we preferred to do this rather than spend big bucks on the wedding. It has meant we haven't been able to afford our usual 7 day all inclusive yearly holiday with DSD, but we are still taking her away this year but to somewhere in the UK (still a week & will still be lots of fun).

Anyways, recently when I've been talking to various people the first question I get asked is 'are the 3 of you going on honeymoon then' or 'aww poor DSD' or 'that's a shame for her' or similar things along the same line. This has taken me a aback as I didn't think it was commonplace for couples to bring their kids on honeymoon? but now I'm questioning everything! As much as I love DSD and get on great with her, I'd quite like some down time and 1 on 1 time with my partner after we get married. He was in agreement and when I bought it up with him he even said to me 'why would we bring DSD'....

I'd like to just add so that I don't sound like a horrid SM, that we include DSD with our lives as much as we can, she has an amazing room at ours, she knows all my family, she's a part of my family as much as my DP's now to be honest. We have always taken her on holiday every year (all abroad) and we have her regularly. In 6 years there really hasn't been any issues at all whatsoever...so I'm not sure why this has got me questioning so much and why part of me feels bad.

What are other's peoples thoughts on this please?

YABU - You should take DSD on honeymoon yes.
YANBU - Fine to go without

I’ve never been one to go away without my DC or DSS when they were little (mainly due to no family support) but YANBU to go on honeymoon without DSD who will be with her mum!
Bring her a lovely present back. You sound like an absolutely lovely step-mum and you’ll reap the rewards in the future.
Have a great time x

You cannot be serious.

I guarantee if it was your biological daughter everyone would be saying how great it was for you to have some 'child free' time and that you should totally enjoy your honeymoon.

Your SD is with her Mum.... she will be fine and it's good for her to be part of a family with strong couples.

I also don't think it's a problem that you saved for your honeymoon and that means a UK 'family' holiday this year. All that would be completely normal in 'first families'. People unfortunately judge 'second families' by a different measure.

Congratulations on your wedding and enjoy having SD play a part in it - it's a beautiful thing for you all.

And then enjoy your romantic honeymoon xxx

Amen to that! ❤️

I was also that step-child and around the same age.

I did not go on DM and her new husband's honeymoon, not did I go on DF's honeymoon or any of the subsuquent ones

Why on earth would I want to go on my parents honeymoon?

Sounds like you are being a lovely stepmmum @poppy33xx please don't listen-people are going to have opinions about everything you do so let it slide off of your back.

Congratulations and best of luck!

YANBU. I think it's batshit that anyone would think anyone other than the newly-wed couple would go on the honeymoon!

Surely no one takes children on a honeymoon? My sister fobbed her kids off on me for hers. It was at the start of a new school year as well so I got to do all the obligatory social media back to school photos. I made them all pose by the front door with their uniforms and school bags all dramatic 😂

Taking a child on honeymoon is the weirdest idea ever

I can see that if you had kids with no one whatsoever who could look after them, you might have to, but otherwise - bizarre

Sorry but giving kids the impression that they should always have the best of everything, even if for an occasion that's not about them, is how you make spoiled, entitled kids.

DSD is 11, not 4. She's old enough to understand that a honeymoon isn't about kids.

It's ridiculous to suggest they should have a cheap honeymoon so they can splash the cash on a holiday for DSD. She's lucky she gets a holiday abroad every year. She's hardly going to be scarred for life by a week in Cornwall!

And DSD is 11.

It’s not like she could be left to her own devices and you just meet up a few times a day at the pool or for mealtimes, or whatever.

Have a great honeymoon. FOR TWO!!!

You sound like you e got a great relationship with her. Enjoy your honeymoon and don’t feel a second’s guilt. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

Honestly OP YANBU at all!
and this is coming from a former stepchild who always felt left behind etc
go have fun and enjoy your honeymoon and marriage x

Ridiculous response

I didn't take my own kids on honeymoon.

Why would you take a child on honeymoon with you?

Those people are simply agitating the brown stuff. Ignore them and break their spoons.

Wow, people are so weird!!

If it happens again, say

'Erm.. it's our honeymoon. I don't think the kind of activity we have in mind is appropriate for an 11 year old'.

Pretty sure that would shut them up 😁

Ignore - just let it go over your head.

before DH & my wedding I was asked if (and why not) I was

having his children walk me down the aisle.
writing vows to especially include them.
buying them a special wedding present.
planning a child friendly honeymoon.
inviting DH’s ex girlfriend, their mum, to show the children we are a big family.

This all being said in front of the children didn’t help matters at all. A few weeks after the wedding (a very quick 15 people affair, no reception but of course the kids were there it goes without saying) the kids who were 8 & 11 at the time & exploded, said they didn’t want to see their dad any more & that they were angry with me because I didn’t do a speech about them, that mummy & nana said weddings were about the kids and we didn’t even get them a bouncy castle. I was flabbagastered, I asked them if mummy did a speech at her wedding a year earlier about their step siblings & it seemed to click for them that what we’d had wasn’t totally unique or out of the ordinary. They are generally really lovely kids.

around 3/4 of the wedding cards we received were written out to ‘bride & groom & SKs’ which seemed so bizarre to me, I’ve had plenty of friends marry after children but I’ve never thought to include the childrens name on the card or gift.

Come on now. Who takes a child on a honeymoon? Cor blimey. Why don't you take MIL as well, you can all share a room 😂

It's a honeymoon, not a family holiday!

People like to gob off about stuff. Doesn't mean you have to listen and definitely you don't need to take it to heart.

"It our honeymoon, Jenny, we'll be fucking like rabbits. Why do you think that's an appropriate trip for an 11 year old to join?"

I wouldn't take my own, or anyone else's children, on honeymoon.

🤣🤣🤣

Weddings are about the happy couple and (taditionally) their future family / kids.

Whoever said that was stirring the pot and needs to be kept at arm's length.

Your wedding, by the way, sounded lovely and I hope you had a brilliant time. And got to hide the bodies well xxx

Edited for crap spelling.

when I've been talking to various people the first question I get asked is 'are the 3 of you going on honeymoon then' or 'aww poor DSD' or 'that's a shame for her' or similar things along the same line.

They sound like jelly nellys. Safely ignore.