To not be taking step daughter on honeymoon with us?

[poppy33xx]

My DP & I have been together 6 years and are tying the knot this summer. We are having my DSD (11) for an extra 2 week period around the wedding which is lovely as we want her to be involved and she's very excited, we are going dress shopping soon actually, hair & make up trials together. Everything has been lovely, easy planning & stress free. We are having a very low key wedding with around 15 immediate family & friends.

We booked a honeymoon just the two of us for a the day after we drop DSD home to her mums. We go away for 10 days and it won't interfere with contact time with DSD, other than DP's mum picking her up from school the day we land just in case our flight is delayed. We are going to the US. We did choose to splurge on this honeymoon, as we preferred to do this rather than spend big bucks on the wedding. It has meant we haven't been able to afford our usual 7 day all inclusive yearly holiday with DSD, but we are still taking her away this year but to somewhere in the UK (still a week & will still be lots of fun).

Anyways, recently when I've been talking to various people the first question I get asked is 'are the 3 of you going on honeymoon then' or 'aww poor DSD' or 'that's a shame for her' or similar things along the same line. This has taken me a aback as I didn't think it was commonplace for couples to bring their kids on honeymoon? but now I'm questioning everything! As much as I love DSD and get on great with her, I'd quite like some down time and 1 on 1 time with my partner after we get married. He was in agreement and when I bought it up with him he even said to me 'why would we bring DSD'....

I'd like to just add so that I don't sound like a horrid SM, that we include DSD with our lives as much as we can, she has an amazing room at ours, she knows all my family, she's a part of my family as much as my DP's now to be honest. We have always taken her on holiday every year (all abroad) and we have her regularly. In 6 years there really hasn't been any issues at all whatsoever...so I'm not sure why this has got me questioning so much and why part of me feels bad.

What are other's peoples thoughts on this please?

YABU - You should take DSD on honeymoon yes.
YANBU - Fine to go without

I think it's a real shame for the child to be excluded. It gives her a message about priorities, and not a good one

So can one assume that she'll be taking her parents on her honeymoon too?

Surely the only message to conclude from not going is dsd isn't the bride or the groom?

I don’t think it’s just a holiday - unless it turns into a free-for-all. In the past it was very different for so many reasons - loads of people didn’t live together before marriage or have sex, so it was a different rite of passage.

These days it is much more about getting over the hectic time around the wedding and enjoying some time just the two of you in your own romantic bubble. Away from the trappings of everyday life - which includes your kids!

In what world do you take your children or stepchildren on Honeymoon with you?????

Maybe they’re jealous that you’re going to the states so they want to rain on your parade. Ignore them NOBODY takes kids on honeymoon.

No ma’am; they’re the weird ones, not you. Don’t give it another thought. Congratulations!

I think it's fine. If you were taking other kids then no but you aren't

It's a honeymoon. No you don't take children
On that. Congratulations. Sounds like you going to be a good step mum

Perhaps you should do as you preach and have a dose of reality yourself! It’s their honeymoon - what child wants to watch their parents (including step parents!) doing what you do on honeymoon?!!

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Me and DH have 4 children between us (I have 3, he has 1) and no children came on honeymoon with us.

It's not normal to take DC on honeymoon. Anyone questioning this is just a snide who is trying to make you feel shit. Remember that they did.

You are not wrong at all. My partners child won't be on our honeymoon- he diddnt even go on it when his parents got married!

Who on earth are these people you are talking too!

FGS no. I wouldn't and a friend of mine just got married they already had a 6 year old together, they didn't take her either. What bellends think you should take kids on your honeymoon.

It's fine. When me and DH went on honeymoon we didn't take the kids. DSD stayed with her mum and our DDs stayed with their grandparents.
We did take them away earlier in the year but we stayed in the UK too. None of them have seemed affected by it.

You need a reality check. Some kids don't even get a holiday in the UK but you think she'll resent that her dad went on honeymoon without her?

I voted YANBU as it’s entirely up to you what you do and weird that you have people saying you should include DSD.

That said, we had a holiday straight after our wedding and took my DHs three secondary age children with us. We didn’t want them to think their DF had married me and then abandoned them, plus his Ex had form for disrupting contact arrangements and we didn’t want to give her the opportunity.

We quietly went on an un-publicised honeymoon a few months later when they were on holiday with their mum.

Nah this is bonkers, lots of people with mutual children don’t take them on honeymoon. Tell them to shut up and have a lovely time. Ps, you do sound like a lovely SM

Honeymoon is a strictly couple event. I would never even entertain the thought of taking a third person, be it a child, a parent, a cousin, ... (yeah, I have heard of those tagging along a honeymoon. Ugh)

It's crazy that people are saying that to you. It's a honeymoon. Kids don't go on honeymoons. They go on family holidays. They are stupid OP. Ignore them

Of course you should t be taking her on your honeymoon.

Ignore them all!

So if she was both your daughter then I’d maybe question it. I’d not go o holiday with my partner and leave ‘our’ child behind for that long. However as she is a step child and has the other parent who she would usually be with anyway then it wouldn’t cross my mind to take her. I’m a single parent. I’ve not met anyone. But my ex did and they had a child. They did sometimes go on holiday as a 3 and not take my kids. No issue. Me they’re split up too. Their child often goes away with her mum. My kids go away with me. And my kids and their half sister go away with him on his own. I’d imagine if he met someone he’d go away as a couple without any of his kids - he kind of already does which his family and mates anyway.

Well if you can only afford one holiday and you're getting married it's better to combine the honeymoon with a holiday and take the kids rather than us go abroad without them.

Dear god. Another neurotic bride.

Obviously mum is nowhere in the picture. Hopefully not deceased. Because she would certainly not want DD participating in a loved-up romantics couples week or two.

I’m generally very “team child” but I can’t see the issue with a honeymoon without your dsd. My dd’s dad didn’t take her on his honeymoon with his wife and I didn’t even consider he would.

My dh and I did take her on ours but that’s because we had a small baby. So as we were taking the baby it didn’t make sense to leave my dd out.

I dunno what you did on your honeymoon. On mine we shagged a lot, even though it was very far from our first time together.

Each to their own, but my honeymoon was absolutely not something for children to experience.