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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be taking step daughter on honeymoon with us?

203 replies

poppy33xx · 17/04/2024 15:48

My DP & I have been together 6 years and are tying the knot this summer. We are having my DSD (11) for an extra 2 week period around the wedding which is lovely as we want her to be involved and she's very excited, we are going dress shopping soon actually, hair & make up trials together. Everything has been lovely, easy planning & stress free. We are having a very low key wedding with around 15 immediate family & friends.

We booked a honeymoon just the two of us for a the day after we drop DSD home to her mums. We go away for 10 days and it won't interfere with contact time with DSD, other than DP's mum picking her up from school the day we land just in case our flight is delayed. We are going to the US. We did choose to splurge on this honeymoon, as we preferred to do this rather than spend big bucks on the wedding. It has meant we haven't been able to afford our usual 7 day all inclusive yearly holiday with DSD, but we are still taking her away this year but to somewhere in the UK (still a week & will still be lots of fun).

Anyways, recently when I've been talking to various people the first question I get asked is 'are the 3 of you going on honeymoon then' or 'aww poor DSD' or 'that's a shame for her' or similar things along the same line. This has taken me a aback as I didn't think it was commonplace for couples to bring their kids on honeymoon? but now I'm questioning everything! As much as I love DSD and get on great with her, I'd quite like some down time and 1 on 1 time with my partner after we get married. He was in agreement and when I bought it up with him he even said to me 'why would we bring DSD'....

I'd like to just add so that I don't sound like a horrid SM, that we include DSD with our lives as much as we can, she has an amazing room at ours, she knows all my family, she's a part of my family as much as my DP's now to be honest. We have always taken her on holiday every year (all abroad) and we have her regularly. In 6 years there really hasn't been any issues at all whatsoever...so I'm not sure why this has got me questioning so much and why part of me feels bad.

What are other's peoples thoughts on this please?

YABU - You should take DSD on honeymoon yes.
YANBU - Fine to go without

OP posts:
misszebra · 17/04/2024 16:10

tell her piss off and if its such a shame why doesn't she take her daughter on holiday.

MaggieFS · 17/04/2024 16:10

No. Of course it's fine. She might be a bit grumpy about the lack of a holiday, but you can manage that.

ScubaDivingSpiderMonkey · 17/04/2024 16:10

Of course it should just be the two of you. Honeymoons are for couples.

Ignore any tilted sadface 'poor dsd' style nonsense.

Original poster
poppy33xx · 17/04/2024 16:11

Thanks for everyone's replies. It's made me feel a bit more sane about it all!

It's been all sorts of people really....work colleagues, some younger family members, a few friends...even people like my nail lady/hairdresser etc...not all of them have been 'poor DSD' but the first question when I mention honeymoon is not 'where are you going' it's been 'are you taking DSD too' and after this happens for the 3rd/4th time you do start to question oneself!

OP posts:
Original poster
poppy33xx · 17/04/2024 16:11

misszebra · 17/04/2024 16:10

tell her piss off and if its such a shame why doesn't she take her daughter on holiday.

Tbf I'm not talking about DSD's mum here at all...no idea what she would think anyway

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 17/04/2024 16:12

jolota · 17/04/2024 16:02

Bizarre comments.
Honeymoon is literally the one time you should be able to go on holiday without any children and it be above question surely?

Totally agree.

Honeymoons are for adults I think - regardless of where you go - plus you have made an extra effort to include her in the run up to the wedding, to make her feel part of it and special, and have ensured it doesn’t cut into her usual time with your partner/yourself. I don’t see what more you could have done.

It wouldn’t be a honeymoon if I was based around an 11-year old’s preferred activities either. Bring back some nice souvenirs and get her excited about her next holiday away with you both - which doesn’t actually matter where it is as long as you are together and having fun. Enjoy yourself OP!

ScubaDivingSpiderMonkey · 17/04/2024 16:13

misszebra · 17/04/2024 16:10

tell her piss off and if its such a shame why doesn't she take her daughter on holiday.

I don't think dsd's mother has said anything?

TheSmallAssassin · 17/04/2024 16:14

Just laugh it off, "It wouldn't be much of a honeymoon if we took DSD!"

We didn't take ours with us when we went (they were infant school age)

PotatoPudding · 17/04/2024 16:14

I imagine people are asking because America isn’t typically considered a honeymoon destination or very romantic. I would say it’s a bigger destination, so people may assume it’s a family trip. If you said Paris or the Italian Lakes, I doubt anyone would ask.

millymoo1202 · 17/04/2024 16:15

You have odd friends, have a great honeymoon on your own

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 17/04/2024 16:16

It’s a one off! She will have her flash holiday next year. Enjoy yourselves.

JimBeamCoke · 17/04/2024 16:17

I am still nosey to know where you’re going?!

It sounds quite mad that all these people think an older stepchild would go on the honeymoon. It sounds like the people don’t have much experience if this is what they think happens. For example, maybe their mindset is: ‘oh it I was lucky enough to be able to afford a holiday then I would be taking the whole family to enjoy the experience!’

Ponderingwindow · 17/04/2024 16:18

It would only be odd if you were taking other children and excluding her. You are allowed an adults only trip.

seems like you are doing everything right. Focus on family for the wedding. Then some private time later that doesn’t interfere with custody. Pretty much the ideal scenario.

Cbljgdpk · 17/04/2024 16:18

I think most people only take their DC on honeymoon if they have no other choice; it’s not quite the same with DC.
Although I also don’t see an issue with going on holiday without step children generally and until we had DC together we did.

SpaghettiWithaYeti · 17/04/2024 16:18

Fine to go without her but it's a bit rotten that she's getting her normal holiday downgraded. I think that sent the wrong message and I would have managed my budget while still prioritising that trip too

TruthorDie · 17/04/2024 16:19

Zero chance of me taking my children, my step children or anyone else’s children on my honeymoon. Who are asking this mad question?

Cbljgdpk · 17/04/2024 16:22

Also I don’t see the issue in her once having her normal holiday downgraded; she’s very lucky to get a yearly holiday and it’s ok for DC to grow up knowing that parents put their interests first every so often.

ScubaDivingSpiderMonkey · 17/04/2024 16:25

Cbljgdpk · 17/04/2024 16:22

Also I don’t see the issue in her once having her normal holiday downgraded; she’s very lucky to get a yearly holiday and it’s ok for DC to grow up knowing that parents put their interests first every so often.

Same.

I’m sure many of us have years where some holidays are a bit ritzier than others. That’s just life!

KreedKafer · 17/04/2024 16:25

It's completely normal and fine not to take children, whether they are stepchildren or children you have together, on a honeymoon. You don't need to worry about this!

MissBedelia · 17/04/2024 16:26

Who the fuck brings their DCs on honeymoon? YANBU at all

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2024 16:26

If you're going for 10 days and it won't interfere with contact, that sounds like your DH doesn't have a lot of contact. Maybe people assume those nice AI holidays are to 'make up' for the lack of day to day. And not seeing dad for 10 days is sad.

Regardless, no kids on a honeymoon is totally normal.

EG94 · 17/04/2024 16:26

when someone says oh poor step child.. I’d reply with.. not really poor step child.. can you pass me the lube as dad is about to fuck me into next year 😂

Haydenn · 17/04/2024 16:26

I’d question how onboard with the whole wedding the people who are making those comments are. It would be weird to take her, you aren’t being unreasonable and they seem desperate to find fault. Is this the only thing they can moan about so they are doing it?

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 17/04/2024 16:27

‘Poor DSD’ is a phrase you’re going to become very familiar with! Just ignore them. Of course you don’t have to take her! We did a family moon and took all the kids and then went on honeymoon an our own.

HesterPrincess · 17/04/2024 16:29

If you were taking your own DC then yes, it would be unfair. But if it's just the 2 of you, that would be weird. We had a 6 month old on our honeymoon and it was anything but a romantic relaxing break!