To not be taking step daughter on honeymoon with us?

[poppy33xx]

My DP & I have been together 6 years and are tying the knot this summer. We are having my DSD (11) for an extra 2 week period around the wedding which is lovely as we want her to be involved and she's very excited, we are going dress shopping soon actually, hair & make up trials together. Everything has been lovely, easy planning & stress free. We are having a very low key wedding with around 15 immediate family & friends.

We booked a honeymoon just the two of us for a the day after we drop DSD home to her mums. We go away for 10 days and it won't interfere with contact time with DSD, other than DP's mum picking her up from school the day we land just in case our flight is delayed. We are going to the US. We did choose to splurge on this honeymoon, as we preferred to do this rather than spend big bucks on the wedding. It has meant we haven't been able to afford our usual 7 day all inclusive yearly holiday with DSD, but we are still taking her away this year but to somewhere in the UK (still a week & will still be lots of fun).

Anyways, recently when I've been talking to various people the first question I get asked is 'are the 3 of you going on honeymoon then' or 'aww poor DSD' or 'that's a shame for her' or similar things along the same line. This has taken me a aback as I didn't think it was commonplace for couples to bring their kids on honeymoon? but now I'm questioning everything! As much as I love DSD and get on great with her, I'd quite like some down time and 1 on 1 time with my partner after we get married. He was in agreement and when I bought it up with him he even said to me 'why would we bring DSD'....

I'd like to just add so that I don't sound like a horrid SM, that we include DSD with our lives as much as we can, she has an amazing room at ours, she knows all my family, she's a part of my family as much as my DP's now to be honest. We have always taken her on holiday every year (all abroad) and we have her regularly. In 6 years there really hasn't been any issues at all whatsoever...so I'm not sure why this has got me questioning so much and why part of me feels bad.

What are other's peoples thoughts on this please?

YABU - You should take DSD on honeymoon yes.
YANBU - Fine to go without

We are getting married in 6 weeks.
dsd lives with us and we are not taking him he is staying with his mam for the week.

no way would we take him on honeymoon.

I took my DSS and niece on our honeymoon. We called it a funnymoon and the kids still talk about it. This was before we had our own kids.

People are mental OP. You sound like a lovely step mum and I hope you enjoy all the festivities and your honeymoon x

I accidentally voted YABU but I meant to vote that YANBU. You sound like a wonderful stepmum and just like if she were your own child, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having this time for just you and your new husband. Don't feel bad at all!!! I am sure you will have some wonderful adventures with your SD over the years to come, so enjoy your honeymoon guilt free and knowing in your heart that you love and care for her. Ignore the silly comments!!

🙄

Do you really think the girl is going to be psychologically damaged by the fact that they're going away without her?

Adults, and their relationships with each other, matter too, you know. Not everything has to revolve around the children.

I'm getting married in September

We are leaving the kids (5&9) for 8 days and going to Mauritius

No way am I taking them.

We are still doing a family holiday abroad, and we have a mini break booked, as well as many other things planned throughout the year.

They are not neglected

Hell no I wouldn't be taking her.
We didn't take DD on ours. Honeymoons are no place for children 😇

When you reply imply that DSD has things she needs to go to DMs for that week

I think it's fine. People I know who had kids before getting married didn't take their kids on honeymoon either.
Maybe the destination sounds appealing to an 11 year old and that's provoking the comments? Otherwise very strange that people are saying anything. Maybe they are jealous of your holiday. To be honest I would probably avoid going on about it too much . I wouldn't have mentioned a big expensive holiday to random people I barely know.

No!

Precisely this 👆🏼

@thepastinsidethepresen
🙄

Constructive.

She is right, particularly with this but....

Adults, and their relationships with each other, matter too, you know. Not everything has to revolve around the children.

It's your honeymoon, why the f would you take a child with you. I honestly don't know what is wrong with people these days, they seriously need to get a grip!

These people asking if DSD is going on your honeymoon are batshit weirdos!

No, of course she is not going; the only people who need to go on a honeymoon are the bride and groom!

Frankly, I find it rather bizarre that anyone thinks that you should take children away with you on a honeymoon. It's not a family holiday. Weird.

This! Who are these people saying you should take her with you? A holiday with a child is a holiday, not a honeymoon.

Only if she has reasoning that is as entitled as yours. it's THEIR honeymoon.. madness.

Sorry but who the fuck have you been talking to?! We didn't take our 18 month old son on honeymoon and that was 25 years ago. It was completely normal then too.

Many of us have never ever been able to afford any kind of holiday, let alone with the kids... it's not a requirement or entitlement! And she likely still gets to have a holiday with her mum.
I wonder how many of these weirdos asking why DSD isnt going with you on your HONEYMOON would actually want to be taking a child on theirs?

@poppy33xx the fact you are very inclusive with your DSD and make sure she feels very cared about through the year, eg her bedroom etc, is an important part of the big picture for her. She'll cope a lot better because she feels cared about. It's also a useful life lesson that we can't be included in everything in life.

I'd be a bit sensitive about how you mention the honeymoon to your DSD when you're back home again, ie don't treat it like a taboo subject so your DSD thinks you're being secretive, but at the same time, don't give so much detail it hits a raw nerve so she has the (retrospective) FOMO effect! I'd be guided by her, as to how much you discuss it. For example if she expresses an interest in going to US on holiday, maybe it something to plan for in a future year, if budget allows.

@thepastinsidethepresent

My reply wasn't to the op.

I’m sorry OP but that’s weird, why would you take your DSD on honeymoon. YANBU - I would challenge people back and tell them they are strange.

Definitely YANBU!