AIBU for paying child caused damage out of wedding gift money?

[Toffifee1]

Let me start by saying i will absolutely always offer or even insist to pay for damage that my child (or I, I‘m clumsy) caused. But this one i thought was unnecessary.

My DC accidentally broke a plate - a regular, plain, rented plate, nothing fancy, no family heirloom - at a wedding. I apologised and cleaned it up. I did not offer to replace it because it was just a plate at a wedding venue, i thought those damages were kind of included.

Additional info: I know the groom was trying to safe every penny in advance of the wedding while the bride wanted everything extravagant and chic and the pair asked for money as gifts. The wedding was at an expensive instagram-worthy location(castle) but they saved money on everything regarding the guests like low budget food(not even enough) and few drinks.

The groom asked me to replace the plate in front of all the other guests. I was honestly a bit taken aback as i still had the envelope with enough money to more than cover my meal in my purse.
So i reached into my purse, took the envelope, took one of the two 100£ notes out and handed it to him saying „This should cover it, you can give me the change later.“

So basically everyone including the groom realised that i just reduced his gift money. Was i being unreasonable?

DC held the plate and it slipped out of his hands.

Haha good for you! The venue will have insurance to cover breakages, they must happen quite often!

Yeah i was propably pissed about that and hence my unusually harsh response. Wouldn’t have had the courage otherwise..

He’d be a thoroughly unpleasant and vindictive person if that’s what happened and that’s what he chose to do in response. Other grooms would have gone over and made a joke about it/tried to cheer the child up if they’re bored etc.. Not try to humiliate the child’s mum! Imagine doing that at your own wedding.

Bravo OP for your reasonable and elegant response. How much did you end up giving them as the wedding gift?

And bravo to the posters correcting the “England is Britain” folk who can’t fathom that other parts of their country may work differently to the part they live in, even if they’ve not experienced it themselves.

Bless him! Accidents happen especially when you’re little.

I've said this on several threads but with people saying about nowhere taking £50 notes, I find this bizarre. For a long time I had a job where I was regularly paid in £50 notes and not once did I have anywhere refuse one. From music festivals to posh boutiques.
Odd.
You did the right thing IMO Op.

Definitely not being unreasonable. At our wedding, they were clear that if a guest accidentally broke a plate/glass etc, there would be no charge. There would only be a charge if there was damage to things such as furniture or their artwork. The groom was being ridiculous.

To be completely honest, the groom didn’t take the note(his face turned a bit red though) as he had no change and no pockets i guess, so i still owe him for the plate and only gave him half of the gift money but if he doesn’t bring it up again i think i‘ll just give him the other note later on and have an honest chat with him about it.
Thats why i‘m asking as the matter is not really resolved yet and i was afraid that realising there was no food left when i went for a second plate made me a bit hangry😅

When in a cafe in Austria I watched a man hand the server a hundred Euro note to pay for coffee and buns. She didn't bat an eye and put it into a leather bag she carried and gave him his change. Whereas here in the UK they nearly go into meltdown upon being given a £50 note. Also in NI but haven't seen a £100 note for years. Saw loads when I did cash in a bank. Some people specifically asked for them and £50 notes.
If getting cash out of an ATM in Dublin you will probably be given €50 notes and shops don't bat an eye when given one.

Not all heroes wear capes. Well done OP. I admire your gumption.

Are you sure he wasn't joking?@Toffifee1 ??? No way could he have been serious! Glasses and plates and the like are always getting broken at weddings - especially all day weddings - from midday to midnight. Me and DH have been to a couple in the last couple of years, including one in a castle too. (Wonder if it was the same castle?!)

These places factor in breakages - they don't go and bill someone for dropping a bloody plate. That's absolutely ludicrous! I'd have given this bloke the money for it, and then stayed at the wedding til the end, then left, and they never spoken to him again.

Getting him to take it from the gift money amuses me though! What a pillock he sounds!

No! Just give him the £2

(can you still get postal orders?)

@Rocknrolla21 · Today 14:17

How old was the child, and what on earth were they doing that they managed to destroy some tableware? Was the groom maybe embarrassed by the behaviour so decided to embarrass you in return?

PMSL there's always one. 😂

Or 200 pennies.

I’ve met many funnily enough. And I’ve literally agreed with the op. I’m just trying to figure out why the grooms done what he did. From his perspective (assuming they’re a childless couple), there was an annoying child at the table pissing around with a plate, and he got annoyed when it got dropped and smashed

I'm laughing at this.
Good for you OP. I probably would have just said 'here you go, keep the change,' but not bothered giving them the 2nd £100 note. £200 is very generous for a wedding anyway.

I'm really surprised the venue would expect the b&g to pay, broken crockery/glasses seems like the sort of wear and tear you'd expect from a place regularly hosting big events. Even if this was the case any reasonable b/g would have just covered it themselves but at the absolute worst should have asked you privately rather than in front of everyone.

Don't give him the other note. Leave the lesson.

As much as I find he could have handled that better, I find your behaviour incredibly rude and I’d have been side eying you with embarrassment for you. The kid broke it, you should have offered to pay. He shouldn’t have asked like that, but you were really rude .

i also find your put down of the wedding ie budget food, insta ready etc cringe worthy,

He was rude . I would have said let me know the cost and deducted it from gift for cheek.

I don't think you did anything wrong though

Wow. You were harsh as they didn’t provide sufficiently luxurious fare for you?

bloody hell. All he did was ask you to replace it. For me you embarassed yourself.

You'd offer to pay for a hired, mass-produced, cheap catering plate - which was accidentally broken - on the spot? massive sideeye

@Toffifee1

There's £100 in England too, it's just few of us ever see them because we use cards.

I like your style op. To be honest every time a couple requests money I deliberately buy a gift card, cannot abide by people asking for money (I'm getting married this year and I've state no gifts at all, I'm not inviting people for them to give me presents, also we have plenty of good food and no castle!)

even if people hadn't clarified why on earth would you feel the need to ask this? the clue is in the name. it's self-descriptive what they are -bank notes to the sum of £100.
Did you really expect someone to come back and say 'Oh it's slang for set of new tableware?'

I'm not even Scottish and these stupid armchair detectives have pissed me off.
Do they really think 'aha, yet again my superior reasoning skills have caught out one of those pesky fake posters, those fools.'

The location didn’t provide catering, servers or dishes, they had to organise all of that seperately.
the more i think about it, i think that they might‘ve been told to pay a fee if they returned the rented dishes incomplete? Apparently it was £0,25 per plate to rent, but i don‘t know about a replacement fee, just guessing at this point.

And no, he was not joking. He was very very concerned about money and very stressed by his bridezilla, it was the main subject whenever we talked to them in the last few months..he has always been very tight and so is the bride(example: i once overheard them talking about a group birthday present and they weren‘t willing to pay £15 or £25 each or whatever the agreed upon amount between friends was, arguing that only she was a friend of the birthday person, not him, and she doesn’t earn much).