AIBU for paying child caused damage out of wedding gift money?

[Toffifee1]

Let me start by saying i will absolutely always offer or even insist to pay for damage that my child (or I, I‘m clumsy) caused. But this one i thought was unnecessary.

My DC accidentally broke a plate - a regular, plain, rented plate, nothing fancy, no family heirloom - at a wedding. I apologised and cleaned it up. I did not offer to replace it because it was just a plate at a wedding venue, i thought those damages were kind of included.

Additional info: I know the groom was trying to safe every penny in advance of the wedding while the bride wanted everything extravagant and chic and the pair asked for money as gifts. The wedding was at an expensive instagram-worthy location(castle) but they saved money on everything regarding the guests like low budget food(not even enough) and few drinks.

The groom asked me to replace the plate in front of all the other guests. I was honestly a bit taken aback as i still had the envelope with enough money to more than cover my meal in my purse.
So i reached into my purse, took the envelope, took one of the two 100£ notes out and handed it to him saying „This should cover it, you can give me the change later.“

So basically everyone including the groom realised that i just reduced his gift money. Was i being unreasonable?

There are numerous cultural contexts where it’s the norm to ensure that your monetary gift ‘covers your plate’. See also ‘no boxed gifts’.

Yes I know, I’ve been to lots and am married myself.

I still think that’s a ridiculous amount of money for a wedding present for anyone other than close family. I didn’t understand your comment about it covering you, H and kids but I gather it’s to do with “covering your plate”. What a crass concept.

Wedding £50, £100 if close/all day invite
Sibling wedding £200 maybe
Wedding abroad £50 max (assuming I was going due to the costs involved in attending g)
holy communion £20
next door neighbour £0 (maybe a bottle of Prosecco)
21st £50 - £100 (assuming not my own child)

HTH

Wow, what gives you the right to decide if it’s a ridiculous amount? So rude, people give what they want and can afford!

Thank you! Finally someone. It‘s not that weird apart from the placement of the £ behind the number and it has been stated here before that this story has been slightly changed (currency included) for anonymity.

Great idea but i think it depends a lot on your area (hosting a party or a wedding in london would be a lot more expensive while people who live and celebrate in London might also have a higher income).

For my location the amount was adequate to feed 2-3 people at a wedding in a medium budget range.

One plate! How ridiculous of him. Well done to you.

Yes that is what i intended with my gift as the groom was so worried about the wedding costs beforehand.
i then changed my mind upon discovering that the wedding was so expensive because of dress/location/decorations/photographer and there was barely any cost going towards the guests(not enough food etc) AND him being so rude to me. That was before i had gifted the money so it was still up to be to decide how much to gift - in my opinion.

btw.. the groom never behaved out of social norms until he met the bride. Has always been tight but i’m sure the bride was behind this as she was also the one asking the grooms parents to pay for her extravagant wedding ideas(they didn’t) and the entire family(us included) for help (labour and to borrow items etc). I think he‘s the one to pity here as her visa and livelyhood is now secured but time will tell..

I salute you, what a brilliant response x

Ah, so what you are saying @Toffifee1 if that you have a cousin who has so little backbone, that they are led by the short and curlies by his wife. How sad.

What is a £100 note?

I can’t tell. Is that a “cancel the cheque” joke?

A hunnid bands.

To the people who are suggesting you were rude... he was rude to you, his guest, and you responded reasonably in my opinion!
Please don't give the extra hundred unless you genuinely feel moved to do so!

they exist in NI and Scotand.

As everyone else has said, you are a legend, and the groom is a rude, cheeky fucker. Well done!

Well, not quite everyone. But most people.

I think he only rang to get the rest of the money and he threw in his mental health for good measure.

I'd keep the £100 and treat yourself for the trauma he caused you 🤣

You hero
continue to give him just £100 gift money.
use the other £100 to cover the place and keep the rest

Devora13 · Yesterday 21:07
What is a £100 note?

Have a guess, lol 🙄

He should have offered to pay… for. the. plate…? 🤣

@Janetime fess up… was this your wedding?

For all the naysayers, here's a pic of a £100 note. And I'm not loaded, just happened to be given one in a very generous gift (and no, I'm not the South American wife)

This was a brilliant response. Not unreasonable. Nice one you.

Venues usually include breakages in a contract. Unless there was somebody counting plates in and out which seems counter productive how would they know. I was a chef in a hotel we had a bin near the enormous automated dishwasher and it was always 1/2 full of broken plates cups and glasses. We dint charge guests. Sounds like a scam. Well done.