To just not accept "oops" any more?

[PicaK]

Thoughout our marriage my ex always managed to get out of doing the laundry by always not noticing a white item or a hand wash only etc etc.
I ended up doing it all and by the end of our marriage he was just dropping clothes on the floor and refusing to help put them away. So I find laundry quite triggering.
Now he manages to carefully separates his bike gear from normal washing etc but repeatedly puts the kids whites in with a colour wash and every single time is astonished when the colours run.
I finally showed annoyance this week at a brand new white t-shirt being ruined because it was in a colour and he yelled this is why he left me..
At what point do you make a mistake and realise you have to change what you're doing? Or am I being too hard on him?

[RandomMess]

He's your ex he's a dick.

Whose washing was he doing?

[Dacadactyl]

My personal thoughts on it are that if he's doing the washing then he'll do it his way.

If you can't cope with it, you'll just have to accept him bringing the clothes back dirty for you to wash.

If id split up with DH and he then thought he could dictate how I did things in my own home, he'd be in for a rude awakening.

[BettyShagter]

Laughing at 'too hard on him'.

Come on.

[airforsharon]

I think this is what i've seen refered to as weaponised incompetence on MN. Esssentially 'bloke couldn't care less so deliberately cocks things up, regardless of the impact on others'.
I think you're not being hard enough, tbh. He's costing YOU time and money.

[Heybearu]

My friends ex did this so she just had specific outfits that didn't matter as much for the kids to go to his in, but of a pain though.

[Spirallingdownwards]

Send the kids to him in clothes you don't care about or non whites. Problem solved.

[lazyarse123]

Buy your kids all Dark colours for when they visit him as that's presumably who's washing he's doing. Then he will have to find another way to annoy you twat that he is.

[TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled]

He is an arse hole. Dont send the children to his house with any clothes and they can wear something cheap. They can wear clothes he buys at his house.

[GRex]

No uniform you buy should go to his house then, and kids only take coloured clothes that can't be spoiled. If he wants to buy and ruin other clothes for the kids then that is up to him.

BTW, fairy detergent on a colours wash cleared out some colour run for me. You think it needs to go into a whites wash, but the colour wash with extra rinses sorts the runs.

[Mumaway]

It's called weaponised or strategic incompetence. Common amongst men the world over to avoid tasks they deem menial.
Arsehole.

[Maddy70]

Hes washing the kids clothes. He doesnt separate them. At least they are. In clean clothes. Hes right he doesn't need to listen to you any more. Either have separate clothes for his and your house or just send them in darker clothes

[NotaNorovirusFan]

I don’t send good clothes to My exs anymore. Although even more annoying than him dying everything blue is his insistence on using a huge amount of fabric conditioner on everything he washes even though one of our dc reacts really badly to it, so I have to wash most of it all over again.

[EauNeu]

he didn't get it when you were married, he's not going to get it now.

my ex is like this. He has ruined so many items of clothing.

I just try not to send anything special round to his, and if something gets ruined I just feel the warm glow of not having to live with his chaos anymore.

[SoupDragon]

Just wash it with a colour run remover and don't send anything white there any more.

He's an ex. it's pointless.

[Mylovelygreendress]

I don’t understand what you mean by laundry being triggering.

[twohotwaterbottles]

@Mylovelygreendress

I don’t understand what you mean by laundry being triggering.

Quite literally anything can be a trigger. It depends what the arsehole ex did within the marriage. I have several unfortunately

[JoniBlue]

He yelled at you? Over him being careless? What a jerk.

[JeezJeezLouise]

Get the kids to complain to him that he's ruining their school uniform. Or if it's not uniform, don't send them in anything white.

Yes it would drive me mad, but you have different standards and you can't make him do anything different.

[TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled]

@JeezJeezLouise

Get the kids to complain to him that he's ruining their school uniform. Or if it's not uniform, don't send them in anything white.

Yes it would drive me mad, but you have different standards and you can't make him do anything different.

They dont have different standards. He is careful with his own things. He just doesnt give a crap about the kids things

[Copperoliverbear]

I'd tell him don't wash their clothes,send all their dirty clothes home in one bag and I will wash them myself.

[JeezJeezLouise]

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled I totally agree with you, he's in the wrong, definitely, but I don't think he's going to change if his ex wife tells or asks him to.

I think OPs realistic options are that he may change if he cares what the kids want, or she can avoid sending white clothes, or she can live with being regularly aggravated by how he washes whites. It's not fair, but it's about what has the least impact on OP.

[BibbleandSqwauk]

@Maddy70

Hes washing the kids clothes. He doesnt separate them. At least they are. In clean clothes. Hes right he doesn't need to listen to you any more. Either have separate clothes for his and your house or just send them in darker clothes

Jesus what a depressing post. Actually if it's clothes she has bought and paid for then actually yes he should take better care of her property. You are wrong that he doesn't have to listen to her because clearly he's a grown ass man who can't manage the simple task of separating laundry..he's clearly a halfwit who needs supervision..oh wait.. except he CAN manage it when its his own stuff 😳

[GoldenTrout]

Cut down your washing load by refusing to do any of his.

[Catsmere]

@airforsharon

I think this is what i've seen refered to as weaponised incompetence on MN. Esssentially 'bloke couldn't care less so deliberately cocks things up, regardless of the impact on others'.
I think you're not being hard enough, tbh. He's costing YOU time and money.

Weaponised incompetence (a term used far more widely than MN) is exactly what it is. It's a recognised pattern of sexist male behaviour. Gets them out of doing the work and makes sure the woman does it all. You notice they seldom pull this sort of shit at work, especially if they have a male boss. (IME the incompetence usually shows up once they're upper management!)

[Catsmere]

@Copperoliverbear

I'd tell him don't wash their clothes,send all their dirty clothes home in one bag and I will wash them myself.

Which is probably exactly what he wants. He gets to be Fun Dad and has little of the drudgery associated with actual parenting.