To just not accept "oops" any more?

[PicaK]

Thoughout our marriage my ex always managed to get out of doing the laundry by always not noticing a white item or a hand wash only etc etc.
I ended up doing it all and by the end of our marriage he was just dropping clothes on the floor and refusing to help put them away. So I find laundry quite triggering.
Now he manages to carefully separates his bike gear from normal washing etc but repeatedly puts the kids whites in with a colour wash and every single time is astonished when the colours run.
I finally showed annoyance this week at a brand new white t-shirt being ruined because it was in a colour and he yelled this is why he left me..
At what point do you make a mistake and realise you have to change what you're doing? Or am I being too hard on him?

YANBU but he’s never going to change & thank god you don’t have to live with him anymore.

Oh come on. It’s a significant thing from their period of being married that was a symptom of a wider problem.

Look up empathy in the dictionary.

You can't learn if you don't want to and don't care about learning.

He's like my sister's ex - just masters things that he really cares about.

Buy dark clothes and make sure all the pockets are stuffed full of white tissues. When his clothes have white fluffs on all you have to say is “oops”.

He's wrong and infuriating about laundry, but I would have no ex of mine come lecture me about my faults.

And I think it's fair for him to decide to run his own household by saying "I throw all clothes together in the wash and believe in natural laundry selection".

Is it fair for shared clothes? Meh, that's a tough one. I think he should give you a courtesy heads-up that he doesn't separate laundry (but then... you probably knew that?). But I am not sure your desire for more punctilious laundry practices beats his desire for no fuss. Even if yours is more standard.

It’s hardly dictating to him to ask him to NOT deliberately ruin his kids clothes! He is doing it deliberately if he can clearly wash his own stuff ok.

The clothes aren't actually "ruined" though. Colour run remover will fix them.

Not reacting will piss off the Ex far more than giving him something to complain about.

Send dark clothes. Buy some cheap red socks, leave in dark trouser pocket.
Hopefully he will destroy some of his own clothing

He is selfish. He can manage to separate his own clothes but not his kids clothes which I am guessing you shopped for.

At what point do you make a mistake and realise you have to change what you're doing?

I think you need to ask yourself this.

Give up moaning at him about it, it's not going to make a difference or change who he is.

He is clearly a selfish man, acceptance will do so much more for you than pointing it out each time, all that will bring is him shouting, you more bothered.

Yes it's a pain in the hole that he is ruining the kids clothes but evidently, you cant control it and never will.

Bloody hell. This has made me so mad on your behalf that now I find laundry triggering

I think the rub of it is, he is a dickhead and is probably always going to be a dickhead. I suspect part of the joy of being a dickhead is to wind you up.

Don't send any white/light clothess you paid for. Or maybe have a subset of clothes that are ones you send with the kids that you just accept are going to all get washed together.

We have always washed everything together - white and colors - and have never had issues.
If I buy something particularly nice - white blouse or hand wash item - then I keep them separate and it's my responsibility to take care of it. I wouldn't mix it with the general laundry and expect my husband to go through every single label.

If it's a recurring issues, then ask him to use the wipes things that can catch leaking colours.

Or just don't send the kids with any whites.

If he's picking them up from school and washing uniforms, could he pick them up from home after they've got changed instead?

So I guess in some ways he was being nice trying to sort it.

Being NICE??? He's deliberately mixing whites and colours, he doesn't give a shit whether the clothes get ruined.

The only solution is the DC wearing dark coloured clothes only to his place.

I'm horrified at the loo roll cardboard - did he leave you to fish that out, or did the loo just get blocked? Can't believe you didn't ditch him after the second time that happened.

I'd just let the kids know that Dad washes everything together and sometimes colours run. It doesn't have to be a criticism of him, just a statement of fact. Let them decide what to take with them. Are they old enough to make a decision like that? 'I won't take my white shirt because Dad might put it in the wash with some red socks'?

He used to be the same with toilet rolls. I'd beg him not to put the cardboard roll down the toilet - and every time he would if it ran out on him.

I've never heard of anyone doing this. This isn’t an oversight or a mistake. This is … lazy? Entitled? Stupid (on another level stupid)? A piss take?

Offer to do his washing to show him how it’s done. Accidentally put his cycling gear on a 90 degree wash. Oops.

I don't read laundry labels. Maybe I am a womanchild.

Only time I’ve heard of someone putting toilet roll tubes down the toilet they were in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. It was not a sensible thing to do in a house with Victorian plumbing

Black t shirts are your friend, and you will save yourself the drama.

As a rule I separate lights & darks although sometimes stuff gets mixed up.

Haven't had the colour come out of anything for years!

Is he doing a boil wash?

Will a stain remover save the tshirt?

This is what I do. If the clothes are not ruined by my ex then they come home in stuff that's too small that went missing months ago. He basically keeps all the nice stuff and when they grow out of it he sends them home in the old small stuff.

So now they wear stuff that's already stained and only just fits them when they go to his hour