To just not accept "oops" any more?

[PicaK]

Thoughout our marriage my ex always managed to get out of doing the laundry by always not noticing a white item or a hand wash only etc etc.
I ended up doing it all and by the end of our marriage he was just dropping clothes on the floor and refusing to help put them away. So I find laundry quite triggering.
Now he manages to carefully separates his bike gear from normal washing etc but repeatedly puts the kids whites in with a colour wash and every single time is astonished when the colours run.
I finally showed annoyance this week at a brand new white t-shirt being ruined because it was in a colour and he yelled this is why he left me..
At what point do you make a mistake and realise you have to change what you're doing? Or am I being too hard on him?

Sorry....did I read that wrong? Are we to understand that you do your ex's washing!?

Completely agree with this. At least his is washing the kids' stuff when they are there and not just giving you back a bag of dirty laundry. I find it infurating and frankly bewildering that some people don't separate their whites and coloureds properly, but as I am generally the only person responsible for washing my clothes then I accept that what other people do with theirs is up to them. He probably doesn't have enough white/light stuff to justify a separate load. Perhaps introduce him to colour catcher sheets.

Anyway. let it go. He's not your husband any more and you don't need to nag him. Keep your children's nice clothes at your house and let him keep other less important stuff at his permanently so you don't have to be triggered like this again.

Fussy to expect him to be able to wash his kids clothes?

These things d happen-but not usually regularly!

Send them to his house dressed head to toe in solid black. Like little trainee goths.

@PicaK

OK, so you know he's doing this on purpose, right? So if you let him know it's getting to you he's thinking 'result!!' so he's going to keep doing it because it costs him nothing and it infuriates you. And there's no way you can stop him.

As my Gran used to say "What cannot be cured must be endured". If you can't stop him, at least grit your teeth and say nothing. It may be that if he thinks he's not getting to you he'll stop. As others have said, send dark clothing or clothing you know won't run or is in its 'last stages' so can be tossed or relegated to 'lounging around' clothes if he ruins them.

I'm in the US so perhaps I'm not used to how the UK normally does laundry, but why are all these clothes running? I warm wash new clothes before wearing to remove excess ink and then wash on cold thereafter and they don't run. Even if I hot wash sports kit it doesn't run. I buy detergent that's 'colorfast'. I either line dry or use the dryer. I no longer sort out whites unless I'm bleaching them. I wonder if there's some dye additive that we use here that isn't used there.

Do you mean he used the cardboard roll as toilet paper if he ran out or he just randomly put the tube down the loo. Weird either way

'Over fussy' according to what standards? Most people don't like it when their whites turn red or blue or grey, do they?

You sound a bit under fussy.

He sounds like an idiot, tbh. Flushing down the cardboard tube?!

He's an ex; you don't have to care what he thinks, but at the same time, you can't control him (or improve him, or get him to see reason), any more than you could before he was an ex. It's an unfortunate fact that he either can't be bothered to do the laundry to your standards or intentionally ruins it (for some bizarre reason, though if he flushes cardboard, he must be a bit odd).

He's a jerk. No surprise there. You'll have to make the best of it until you're no longer sharing childcare responsibilities. You know you can't trust him to do certain things the right way, so the best you can do is try to avoid giving him laundry he will ruin.

You can't change or control his behavior in any way, so stop trying. Don't send child to him in anything other than old clothes that you don't mind him ruining.

If he comes out with that 'this is why he left you' shit again, say well if he hadn't gone, you would have left him for being such an incompetent twat.

Your husband is an unreasonable and selfish cunt. Sneak from his laundry pile a favourite [expensive], pale garment and wash it with a new but cheap pair of dark blue jeans … that’ll “learn” ‘im 😂😂😂

Don’t have a go at him next time. Just send him the link of the item and say ‘Please replace X item which was damaged at your house or you can transfer me £x’

Failing that tell him to buy a bunch of clothes to keep at his.

If he is an ex why is he still there? Kick him out and he can ruin his own clothes

Apologies just read your update

May have been suggested but anything they go in from you gets returned to you for washing and they should wear what he provides when he is there, this is also returned to him to wash when they come back in it.

He lives in a different house, but when the kids stay with him and he washes their clothes he ruins them.

Edited as it sounds like I know the OP or something, I'm just saying what OP has said earlier in the thread.

I would just send the kids round to his in darks or pinks/reds (to fuck up his washing and teach him a lesson) if possible.

Wouldn't work. He's doing it deliberately and knows enough to sort out the laundry before washing. He puts the DCs lights & whites in with his colours with the intention to ruin them. OP mentioned upthread that he knows to pull his own lights & whites out beforehand.

When the kids get a bit older and start taking pride in clothes, labels and stuff they've saved up for themselves, they are really going to start pulling him up on this sort of twattery.

That's really been useful to read. Especially the reaction to the cardboard roll! He's not a bad guy. He'd just wouldn't like it to be left on view in the bathroom - but wouldn't want to carry it out to a bin if the bathroom bin was full. He never shouted but he'd do stuff like this. Again and again and again.
He does have colour catches but he runs out... This colour stain remover is new on me tho and I'll be looking for that.
Laundry is triggering. He'd refuse to put his away after I'd washed, sorted, folded etc - I was a sahm but the kids were hard work and it would have helped. I laughed privately like a drain last week when he moaned our teenager doesn't put clothes away!
Good points to everyone saying I need to control my reaction. You're right.
I still love him that's the trouble and his comment really hurt.

How long ago did you separate, @PicaK?

He sounds like an absolute tool and I hope your feelings for him start to fade soon.

You can do better. 💐

I still love him that's the trouble

Oh dear.

He deliberately fucks up his kid's clothes to annoy you.

He puts cardboard rolls in the toilet.

Honestly-what is there to love?

Eek hope your feelings for him subside and you get clarity on what he’s really like…

The toilet roll thing is ridiculous whichever way you look at it unless he has a brain development issue or injury perhaps…