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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
SeanMean · 16/04/2024 18:02

YABU, it was an invitation!

Menomeno · 16/04/2024 18:03

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

She’s done nothing wrong whatsoever in asking you, it’s a perfectly reasonable offer and most women with teenagers and a willing partner would bite her hand off.

It’s also fine for you to refuse, but YABVU by being so affronted that she made the kind offer in the first place. Plenty of mothers of babies and toddlers go away and leave them, and yours are much older.

Lulu1919 · 16/04/2024 18:03

You are allowed a mini break
Go if you want to
Say no if you don't
I think it was fine for her to ask ...sounds like a fun weekend to me !!

GreyBlackLove · 16/04/2024 18:04

It's up to you whether you go or not but you are absolutely being unreasonable to react like this to a simple invite.

Unless there's a dripfeed coming, having a husband and older children isn't a blocker to a long weekend away or a reason not to ask.

ManchesterLu · 16/04/2024 18:04

If you want to, go. If you don't, don't. Your friend is only making a suggestion.

SD1978 · 16/04/2024 18:04

She asked, your kids are hardly babies, the k for many people it would sound lovely. You don't, so say no.

Lulu1919 · 16/04/2024 18:04

Ps
I'll go with her !!!!

Littlebitpsycho · 16/04/2024 18:06

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Then say no 🤷‍♀️

You sound very judgmental - I've got a 12 year old daughter and if a friend of mine suggested we go away for the weekend you wouldn't see me for dust. DD would be absolutely fine with her dad for a few days

BodyKeepingScore · 16/04/2024 18:06

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Are your children particularly fond of bank holidays then? Why "especially not on a bank holiday"? It's one out of their entire lifetime. If your DH can't cope with three teenagers on his own for a couple of days there's something wrong...

Riverlee · 16/04/2024 18:08

She’s not asking you to swan away last minute, but asking you for a girls weekend away, and giving you due notice.

You seem to be over-dramatising the situation.

Just say no.

GabriellaMontez · 16/04/2024 18:08

Make up your mind. Is it nice of her to ask? Or out of order?

Yabu.

whatsitcalledwhen · 16/04/2024 18:09

Are your children girls OP?

Not great to teach them that if they become mothers it is 'selfish' to do something you might enjoy if it means not being available 24/7 to your children even when they are teenagers.

If a friend of yours with teen children said they were having a weekend break with a mate while their husband and kids were at home, would you honestly call her selfish? Goodness. What a depressing way to view motherhood.

ThreeEggOmlette · 16/04/2024 18:10

There is no issue here.

Knackeredmommy · 16/04/2024 18:10

I thought you were going to say you had babies/toddlers!
Nothing wrong with going on a girl's trip, Isn't a BH weekend better than when they're all at school?
If you don't want to go, fair enough but YABU to imply she's done anything wrong or selfish.
I think it's good to do things for yourself, not selfish but necessary.

Boxerdor · 16/04/2024 18:11

Your kids are quite old for you to be so concerned about leaving them for 3 days op. I’m sure they’d all cope without you. Hopefully your friend finds a more appreciative person to go with

Original poster
Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:11

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad. Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend. Any other weekend would be fine, but there is something about it being a bank holiday, imo.

OP posts:
whatsitcalledwhen · 16/04/2024 18:12

I'd be a pretty insulted if I was your husband tbh, that you think the kids will be somehow damaged or negatively affected by having a few days with him and not you / both of you.

What is selfish about going away for a weekend when you have teenage children? Can you explain a bit further what exactly is selfish about it? I'm baffled.

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 16/04/2024 18:12

At that age, how hard is it for your partner? Your kids aren't young, they are all secondary age. Assuming he is their father, he can parent for a weekend surely? If he can't, why not? Would you begrudge him a weekend away with a mate?

I would love a long weekend away with a friend. I would bite her hand off and my H would be encouraging me to go!

whatsitcalledwhen · 16/04/2024 18:13

@Bigbusheyeyebrows

Any other weekend would be fine, but there is something about it being a bank holiday, imo.

But what? What is that 'something'?

skippy67 · 16/04/2024 18:14

Well, I doubt she'll ask you again...

Springtime43 · 16/04/2024 18:14

It’s not unreasonable for her to ask, but your partner may think you a tad unreasonable for disappearing on a bank holiday weekend when he may have been hoping to do family stuff with you?

pictoosh · 16/04/2024 18:15

This nuance is particular to you I think.

Ladybir · 16/04/2024 18:15

I can't be the only who struggles to understand why 2 weeks (assuming not on a bank holiday) is fine but 3 days over a bank holiday is so terrible and your family can't possibly cope without you!?

Trickabrick · 16/04/2024 18:16

Your reasoning is a bit contradictory OP, you’re happy to “swan off” for a week with friends and leave your family to it but somehow a 3 day bank holiday weekend is a step too far? You sound offended she’s had the temerity to ask you, it’s really very odd.

ICanFixHim · 16/04/2024 18:16

Don't go then but I think you're being ridiculous OP. You sound insulted she even suggested it.

Plus your kids aren't babies/toddlers ffs.
They'll be fine and it being a bank holiday doesn't make it sacred time.