Page 23 | friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 2024-04-16T16:36:30+00:00

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ? "Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime" I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

Cariadm · 18/04/2024 16:43

Not sure what the point of your post/question is?🙄I think you have already decided that it doesn't feel quite right going off by yourself and leaving your family at home, BUT I also get the sense that maybe you would love to actually say yes to your friend's invitation and are looking for validation from the community to allow yourself this indulgence?! 🤔Only you can decide what to do as there are surely variables to consider? Does your partner ever do something similar or does he spent time regularly with his friends without you? Your children are no longer at the ages where they need constantly entertaining so if asked they might be really happy for you to have this time to yourself? Surely the best thing to do is to discuss it with your family and then make the decision...You have to be sure though because there would be no point going away with your friend and spending the whole time feeling guilty!! 😱

Penguinfeet24 · 18/04/2024 16:46

She's not being unreasonable asking - it's 3 days, not 3 months - and you're not unreasonable for saying no. Just say no, simple.

Samlewis96 · 18/04/2024 23:11

Cariadm · 18/04/2024 16:43

Not sure what the point of your post/question is?🙄I think you have already decided that it doesn't feel quite right going off by yourself and leaving your family at home, BUT I also get the sense that maybe you would love to actually say yes to your friend's invitation and are looking for validation from the community to allow yourself this indulgence?! 🤔Only you can decide what to do as there are surely variables to consider? Does your partner ever do something similar or does he spent time regularly with his friends without you? Your children are no longer at the ages where they need constantly entertaining so if asked they might be really happy for you to have this time to yourself? Surely the best thing to do is to discuss it with your family and then make the decision...You have to be sure though because there would be no point going away with your friend and spending the whole time feeling guilty!! 😱

She goes away for a fortnight each year leaving husband and kids at home so can't see why she'd feel guilty over 3 days

Solocup · 18/04/2024 23:20

How is it selfish to invite you on holiday?! You lunatic. You just say no thanks. The real issue is you’re jealous because you’ve decided you can’t. Which probably isn’t true; your partner and teens will likely be just fine without you. You do sound bitter. Probably better for her if she finds someone nicer to go with.

Letstrythatagaineh · 19/04/2024 00:09

Playinwithfire · 16/04/2024 17:51

I sense there are underlying issues here. Why are you so taken back by this request?. I think this was a lovely idea from your friend.

This.

You are massively unreasonable.
Your friend sounds lovely. You should feel happy that she's chosen you to spend her child free time with.
She's parenting alone so she's very deserving of a nice break somewhere nice, whilst you have a husband at home to share the load and to watch your old enough kids while you're away!
Perhaps she also has single mum friends who don't have cover that weekend and she knows that you do, so she asked you along to spend time with you because you CAN without the worry of small children!

Your post is just odd IMO.

ClemenceD · 21/04/2024 06:40

What does the bank holiday have to do with it?

Fuerte60 · 21/04/2024 06:47

it's lonely single parenting and bank holidays can be the pits!! I get why she asked you.

Coldfeetandnocleansocks · 21/04/2024 07:10

I do think UABU BUT I think I understand where you are coming from too!

When my kids were small - many of my mum friends were really excited by bank holidays as their husbands all worked in office based big city jobs, they (husbands) rarely saw the kids at all in the week and rarely got any time off.

To them a bank holiday was ‘special’ as it was extra family time and they would inevitably do something nice as a family unit (go to zoo or theme park etc)

To me whose husbands works shifts and who usually had to work bank holidays - I found, like the weekend - a bank holiday is just another day and has no special place in my heart.

I think the OP ‘outrage’ is because she views a BH as a bonus family day and wouldn’t dream of taking away from this precious time to have a jolly alone.

It’s just a perception thing depending on where you are coming from !

Cariadm · 21/04/2024 16:02

In your own words: 'I just think it's mean to go away on a BH with mates, if you have family at home. I'm clearly in the minority on this !'
So my question is WHY are you even asking for our opinion when you clearly aren't going to take up your friend's offer but more to the point, how can and why do you perceive her asking you as 'being selfish'?! Maybe it was a little thoughtless but HONESTLY, what a fuss over nothing!!🙄
If you don't feel able to leave the family on a bank holiday just tell you friend

how you feel, that it was a nice thought and there's always another time!! 😊

Goodtogossip · 30/04/2024 11:30

She's not BU by asking, same as you're not BU to say no if it doesn't suit you.
Why are you so miffed that a friend has asked if you'd like to go away with her for the weekend? You're being very weird about it.

Robinni · 30/04/2024 11:54

Goodtogossip · 30/04/2024 11:30

She's not BU by asking, same as you're not BU to say no if it doesn't suit you.
Why are you so miffed that a friend has asked if you'd like to go away with her for the weekend? You're being very weird about it.

@Goodtogossip

she and hubby spend 1/3 of school holidays (4 weeks) off on independent jollies with friends.

This then puts more emphasis on bank holidays being for family time and explains the weirdness.

Donsyb · 30/04/2024 18:23

Robinni · 30/04/2024 11:54

@Goodtogossip

she and hubby spend 1/3 of school holidays (4 weeks) off on independent jollies with friends.

This then puts more emphasis on bank holidays being for family time and explains the weirdness.

Show quote history

It doesn’t explain the weirdness. What’s weird is that the OP prioritises long trips away with people that aren’t their child or partner then freaks out when someone’s dares to suggest they go away for a weekend just because it happens to be a bank holiday.
That’s weird…..

Donsyb · 30/04/2024 18:25

Cariadm · 21/04/2024 16:02

In your own words: 'I just think it's mean to go away on a BH with mates, if you have family at home. I'm clearly in the minority on this !'
So my question is WHY are you even asking for our opinion when you clearly aren't going to take up your friend's offer but more to the point, how can and why do you perceive her asking you as 'being selfish'?! Maybe it was a little thoughtless but HONESTLY, what a fuss over nothing!!🙄
If you don't feel able to leave the family on a bank holiday just tell you friend

how you feel, that it was a nice thought and there's always another time!! 😊

Funny how the OP doesn’t find all their other trips away without their family mean (even though they’re longer) just because they don’t fall on a bank holiday…..