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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
snakewillow · 16/04/2024 17:44

Why would it be out of order for you to bugger off for three days and leave your teenager dc with their (presumably quite capable) father? If you don't want to go just say no but I think it's weirder that you think you shouldn't go under any circumstances.

Desecratedcoconut · 16/04/2024 17:44

Just go, you don't need a pass from MN to enjoy a weekend away from you husband and teens.

TheValueOfEverything · 16/04/2024 17:44

DH and I each have about three weekends a year away with friends, sometimes these fall on bank holidays.

And we have similar aged children. This doesn’t include work trips abroad which can span a week or more.

But if you don’t want to go away without your family, just say so!

BodyKeepingScore · 16/04/2024 17:44

Why's she being unreasonable? Presumably mothers are allowed to go on holiday without their family?

Fiddlerdragon · 16/04/2024 17:44

Bloody hell! She only asked op? It’s not unreasonable to ask your friend to go on a nice experience with you. It is weird as fuck that you think you can leave your teenage husband and children for a couple of nights though!

NeverEnoughPants · 16/04/2024 17:44

You might think it would be out of order for you to go - that's fine. But there's nothing at all wrong with asking.

What an over the top response to a very reasonable question!

Lazylegolady · 16/04/2024 17:45

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

It wouldn't be selfish at all. Since when is it selfish to go and do something you enjoy?

maddening · 16/04/2024 17:45

Yabu unless there are issues such as high needs dc or dh and even then it is nice to ask as you may want the break and be able to organise care/support for the dc /dh

NeverEnoughPants · 16/04/2024 17:46

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Your post contradicts itself.

It sounds like you absolutely can go away. You just don't want to.

yellowonion · 16/04/2024 17:47

Struggle to see the issue with 'swanning off' and 'leaving' partner and three teenagers(ish). I've done that with friends, partner's done that with friends. We're not joined at the hip and prioritise friends sometimes, they're important.

SecondHandFurniture · 16/04/2024 17:47

You've had "family at home" for 15 years with a good 5 or so years to go. Do you never do anything overnight on your own?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 16/04/2024 17:47

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

You can't leave them but they would be fine without you?

So you can leave them....

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 16/04/2024 17:47

Why on earth can’t you swan off? Will none of them survive for 3 whole days if you aren’t there?

Lazylegolady · 16/04/2024 17:48

Is it that your husband would be annoyed if you went? Have you been conditioned to think doing something for yourself is selfish?

Akamai · 16/04/2024 17:48

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

How is anyone supposed to find someone to go away with it if they don’t ask?

Are you quite passive in life?

Spirallingdownwards · 16/04/2024 17:49

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

You have contradicted yourself here. Surely she realises I can't just swan off and leave them to it followed by of course all will be fine and I can go if I want.

So she isn't at all unreasonable. Indeed she knows you have a partner at home who no doubt she believes is capable of being able to manage on his own and therefore its an ideal time to go away with a friend.

Don't go if you don't want too but don't make her out to be a dick when she isn't being one.

Lesterall · 16/04/2024 17:49

You're being ridiculous. It's not unreasonable to ask you. It's not unreasonable for you to say you'd prefer to stay at home.

I also don't see the problem with you having a few days away from your family if you want to. You're not joined at the hip.

WineThirty · 16/04/2024 17:49

i cant at all see that she was wrong to ask and, unless you don't fancy a weekend with her, i don't think you would be wrong to go. I go away with friends for the odd weekend and sometimes go away overnight for work. I probably would not have done when they were really young unless for work or something specific like a hen do but at that age no problem.

I think the fact it is a bank holiday weekend is slightly different depending on how you normally spend bank holidays, but certainly my DC and DH would have been fine with this - DH would probably arrange some kind of day trip for the 3 of them or take the opportunity to see his parents (which we sometimes do on bank hols anyway).

GalileoHumpkins · 16/04/2024 17:50

You sound ridiculous tbh.

saveforthat · 16/04/2024 17:50

I thought this was going to be a polite way of saying she told you to fuck off. YABU and really weird. If you don't want to go just say no.

Playinwithfire · 16/04/2024 17:51

I sense there are underlying issues here. Why are you so taken back by this request?. I think this was a lovely idea from your friend.

smellpretty · 16/04/2024 17:51

Your kids are not babies. Why can't you swan off for a long weekend and leave them with their father? If you have other plans just tell her that, perhaps another time.

I agree with pp you are weirdly over reacting about this

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 16/04/2024 17:51

Why can't you just say no thanks if you don't fancy it?
She's not unreasonable to ask, you're not unreasonable to say no.
YABU

KimberleyClark · 16/04/2024 17:51

She’s not unreasonable just to ask if you fancy it, no. You are free to decline.

Akamai · 16/04/2024 17:53

I’m getting Shirley Valentine ‘We always have steak on Thursday not chips and eggs’ vibes.