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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 16/04/2024 18:28

Its not unreasonable for her to ask or for you to want to go. If you don't want to go just say no you have plans.

Going away very weekend is selfish, going away every bank holiday weekend us selfish. Going away on one Bank Holiday is just taking some time out.

Maybe your H and kids will do something they fancy that they don't think you'd enjoy....

K0OLA1D · 16/04/2024 18:28

I go a festival every year without dp and dc. They're 12 and 10 now.

YABU

BoohooWoohoo · 16/04/2024 18:28

Yabu unless there’s more to it like dad is useless or you can’t afford the money.

Lots of parents go away with friends leaving the other parent in charge. Your kids are not exactly being breastfed.

Noshowlomo · 16/04/2024 18:29

It’s fine if you don’t want to, but it’s completely ok to go away for a long weekend with kids that age. (And younger!)

Namechangeforthis88 · 16/04/2024 18:29

DH used to have a week of late shifts in his shift pattern and we wouldn't see him for a week. At least once it wasn't till Thursday DS seemed to notice.

Datgal · 16/04/2024 18:29

I don't understand this. What are single people supposed to do if all people thought like you?? Never go away if they don't have other single friends?
Just absolutely weird thinking in my opinion.

Sassysia · 16/04/2024 18:30

This is bizarre!! I’m sure your teen kids will not mind at all if mum isn’t about on the “bank holiday” weekend! 😂

Iggi999 · 16/04/2024 18:30

😂

Delatron · 16/04/2024 18:31

Ladybir · 16/04/2024 18:15

I can't be the only who struggles to understand why 2 weeks (assuming not on a bank holiday) is fine but 3 days over a bank holiday is so terrible and your family can't possibly cope without you!?

I’m so confused. 2 weeks fine but 3 days not because it’s a sacred bank holiday. This is so strange.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 16/04/2024 18:31

Do you have BH plans that she knows about?

Because that's the only reason I can see for being precious about a BH

It's not Easter or Christmas when you tend to have definite family commitments

Iaskedyouthrice · 16/04/2024 18:31

Bank Holidays are the best time to go away with friends as no school run or work ( if you're lucky) for whoever is at home to deal with on Monday morning.
I hope you haven't said any of this out loud to your 'friend'. Some thoughts are best kept on the inside.
Very strange take on your friend asking something 100% normal.

MonsieurSpade · 16/04/2024 18:32

My teens were really annoying me once so I left the house for an hour - they didn’t even notice.
Seriously @Bigbusheyeyebrows your family almost certainly wouldn’t turn down a holiday with friends because ‘we can’t leave Mum on a bank holiday.’

CatHerderSupreme · 16/04/2024 18:33

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Nothing wrong with a bit of swanning. Friends are important too.

Andylion · 16/04/2024 18:33

Don’t send off. Walk sideways like a crab.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 16/04/2024 18:33

I'm away for 2 nights over BH weekend and my DD is much younger than your DC, you are odd to think this unreasonable not your friend.

ClawdeenWolf · 16/04/2024 18:33

Sounds like you're looking for an excuse to look down on your mate, to be honest.

MagentaRocks · 16/04/2024 18:34

Yanbu to not to want to go for whatever reason

Yabu to expect your friend to know that a bank holiday weekend is a no when you happily go off for 2 weeks at other times

Yabvu to be slating your friend to dare to suggest going away. Surely a conversation about you would rather not do that on a bank holiday.

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 16/04/2024 18:35

YABU Just don't go if you don't want to. Your friend was nice to offer, it's not as if she's forcing you to go.

Rosestulips · 16/04/2024 18:35

So are you asking AYBU to go and leave your family , or ISBU to ask you to go?

whatever the question, no one is being unreasonable. You can decline, or go.

you might enjoy it

AlwaysGinPlease · 16/04/2024 18:35

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/04/2024 17:42

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it and then give her your answer

If I was in your shoes and they asked me - I'd be honoured and then politely tell them, "thank you for your kind offer but I can't..."

Honestly, it is really as simple as that

What?! A massive decision?

Akamai · 16/04/2024 18:37

ClawdeenWolf · 16/04/2024 18:33

Sounds like you're looking for an excuse to look down on your mate, to be honest.

I got the same impression. It’s like OP is huffing at the temerity of the friend for even daring to think OP may go with her, because OP’s friend is single and OP is a smug still married.

SecondHandFurniture · 16/04/2024 18:38

It's not even a special BH like New Year or Easter. In fact there are 2 in May. Spend the other one together.

Shopper727 · 16/04/2024 18:38

when I was ward nursing I’d do 3 long shifts in a row so basically be gone the 3 days and only kiss the kids goodnight when I got home. Their dad managed perfectly well on his own. He’d have managed fine if I’d gone away for a few days too, they had boys night watching football or marvel or whatever. He was police so worked shifts too so I’d do the same for him.

No reason why your husband and kids wouldn’t cope for a weekend by themselves her ex is taking her kids so he will manage. If you don’t want to go don’t go but it’s not unreasonable to spend a few days away especially if your kids are older and with their other parent.

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 16/04/2024 18:41

Ok, her kids are 'practically adult', but she obviously still has them at home and only part time as she is single. She has a weekend that will work for her to get away, which is obviously less easy for her. Your reasoning is... not reasoning.

The MN phrase, it's an invitation not a summons applies here. But don't be surprised if she never asks you again, especially if she knows your batshit reasoning for it and that you go away for 2 weeks each year without your kids.

Toddlerteaplease · 16/04/2024 18:42

Seems like a nice idea. Your kids are old enough to be left with their other parent!

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