friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

[Bigbusheyeyebrows]

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

You’re being very silly it is 3 days, not 3 weeks… they are old enough to be left alone for goodness sake, I am sure they will be fine with their Dad.

FYI, I had 3 days away from DC last year, it was glorious. I have another 3 booked during summer… with their father… they are younger than yours and will be looked after by other relatives.

You need to have some time for yourself to assert your own sense of self and have a life not dominated by domesticity. You are lucky to have a friend to go away with for a break.

Your kids will soon be grown. You need to develop ‘you’ or it’s going to be a real shock when they leave home.

It's perfectly fine that you don't want to go.

But it's ridiculous that you're annoyed with your friend just for asking when you can simply say no. And it's also ridiculous you seem to think that your friend should automatically know that you feel this way.

I’m afraid I don’t think your reaction is at all normal. She just asked. She isn’t, from your OP, forcing you to go or putting pressure on you to accept. I can’t understand how one makes the leap from her asking if you fancy a short break to her being “selfish”.

😅🤣

Not really

I'm still really struggling to find out why going away on a Bank Holiday weekend with a friend (when there are no special family events/rituals tied to such a weekend) is such an uncomfortable and irrational idea compared to taking 2 weeks away from your spouse and children every year.

I have friends who are in OPs position and never went away....fast forward a few years and their kids are grown up and suddenly they want to go away with me on weekend breaks etc but I already have a core group of single friends to do this with and can't really be bothered with the ones who now have time for me, where were they when I was alone on long weekends?

Eh?
Why on earth is this an unreasonable request?!

If you don't want to go then don't but she's not unreasonable for asking. It sounds lovely!

Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

You see, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this at all!!

This fixation on bank holidays you have is a bit weird!

I can understand if you already do a 2 week holiday away from your family, that's enough time out, so just say that! 'Friend, I'm really sorry but I think it's going to be pushing it to leave DH in charge of the kids, when I've already done 2 weeks away in X'

No need for a drama

YA Definitely BU.

Read all your posts..

There are 39 weeks in the school year.

They are off 13 weeks.

So that’s 91 days + 78 days of weekends during term time = 169 days potentially free for family time, though obviously you have to work with what leave you have.

Your friend suggested you spend <2% of this with her, and wasn’t suggesting you use up holiday time.

What is happening to make you so sensitive about a bank holiday? Are you and partner not able to arrange leave together for kids? When you go long haul are you going solo/without kids, is there guilt there or a sense that you need to make things up to your children for this time away?

@Bigbusheyeyebrows

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad.

Great, so no reason why your kids can’t cope for a few days while Mum is away.

Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

This, to be honest, is not a normal thing to do; to leave one partner (who may not even be the children’s father?) with total responsibility, while you travel at considerable distance away from home.

This is why you are missing out on family time; you are both choosing to use half to a third of your annual leave to have solo holidays away from the children and each other.

If you used that time properly as a family you wouldn’t be so focused on the importance of a bank holiday… which is much less important than spending proper concentrated time together as a family.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend.

But it’s totally fine to swan off to the other side of the world for two weeks straight away from your children and partner?

Your friend is not the unreasonable one.

Just. Don't. Go.

Are they wearing their eyebrows big in Bushey these days? Is that a thing?

You really are very strange OP!

Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

I completely missed this!!
It all makes even less sense.

Tbh, if my friend was happy to go away for 2 weeks without their partner or kids then I'd assume a long weekend would be no problem.

I wouldn't want to go either but I wouldn't be offended to be invited.

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

... sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Your post reads as mummy martyrdom, OP, to me anyway.

This is so odd

She’s not unreasonable at all for asking. You’re not unreasonable at all for saying no because you don’t want to go.

Whats totally unreasonable and quite odd is that you think she shouldn’t even have asked, or should have know you wouldn’t want to.

Plenty of people with a partner (yes well done OP, you have a man, not like there are loads of them about or anything) go away for weekends with friends. Loads of people with teenage or almost teen children, who will need very little looking after, do it.

Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

Missed this but it makes it even odder. This is an unusual thing to do when you have a partner and teenagers (or young DC but you obviously don’t).

Bank holidays aren’t somehow sacred time. But most people don’t use half their AL to get away from their families.

I cannot comprehend why it would be mean to go away without your family for a WEEKEND , EVER, when every single year you take two weeks solo holiday without your family. How can you reconcile those two positions?? It’s either fine to go away for the weekend, or you’re a terrible parent because you go away for two weeks. I can’t see any middle position where it’s fine to go away for two weeks but terrible to miss a bank holiday because they are SPECIAL.

Maybe they should. People need time to be individuals, not just parents. I agree it's unusual, but I go away for a week every year and sometimes the odd weekend away on my own, and DH doesn't mind a jot. Admittedly no kids, but I think I would have still done this if I had, once they were old enough to be left, and depending on finances.

I agree it is unusual but I've lost count of the number of times people have said 'Oh, that sounds like heaven' or similar or said they're jealous when I've mentioned my weeks away. I think a lot more people would do it if their circumstances permitted and if we weren't all fed this myth that we're supposed to want to be with our families every second of every day.

It's obviously something you never (ever?) do, so why don't you see this as an opportunity to have a child/partner free, fun weekend? Your partner may also enjoy having some one to one time with the kids too.

She isn’t being unreasonable to ask you, no! Lots of people would be up-for-it. Those who wouldn’t be would just say No! I don’t understand why you are being unpleasant about your friend unless she is trying to manipulate you into going 😮