friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

[Bigbusheyeyebrows]

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

Your reaction is very weird, it's as if you're almost offended she suggested it? Why not suggest to go away one night or not at all? I wonder how people like you maintain friendships.

I imagine this is govened by the nature of your domestic relationship. Some might say this is outrageous; others, this is fine.

It's a mums dilemma. I think you'd like to go but maybe feeling a bit guilty about it. Maybe just say thanks ,I would have enjoyed that but holiday weekend I'll be out and about with the family. Maybe you can do a wee overnight trip with her another time if you fancied it! Have a good holiday weekend whatever you do!

I don't think it's weird to not want to go, that's absolutely your prerogative if you'd prefer to spend time with your family, but I do think your reaction to being asked is absolutely weird. Your friend has no underhand or nefarious reason for inviting you to go away, that's a really normal request - even if you have children, even over a bank holiday weekend! You're free to say no - she's not in the wrong! The way you feel about this seems quite extreme.

But OP has no guilt over her two week solo holiday every year?

So how does that work?

OP has a two week solo holiday every year...

I think you should jump at the chance as long as it's financially viable! Your partner and 3 children are definitely old enough to be left and they may well enjoy be able to prove how responsible they can be.... including your partner!!!

then just say no I want to spend bank holiday with my family but I can do another weekend?

my friends are going to a festival August bank hol and asked if I wanted to go, I said no because we always do something as a family that weekend. I’d be more offended if they didn’t ask me tbf…not sure what your problem is here

I’m not sure why you are placing such importance on a bank holiday tbh. It’s no different from any other weekend except no work/school. It’s not like she’s proposing you go away every bank holiday weekend. Just one. Obviously you feel it’s unacceptable so don’t go.

You are acting as though she’s asked you to go away during DCs birthday or Christmas. Bizarre.

So you go away for a week and have no problem swanning off for a week ? Yet you go on about three days ?? What’s the difference and what’s so special about bank holiday ??

I think we can safely assume that everyone is capable of surviving perfectly well without op being around! Don't you?

If it weren’t for exams, she was a fun friend and assuming it was a nice location then I’d be there.

so what if she’s single ? Are you saying that your time is more important as your married with kids. Sounds to me like your consoling yourself because you can’t go - I think they call it FOMO fear of missing out . The fact that you want to ask mumsnet this question and not speak to your friend ‘ speaks volumes . Yes your married with kids so what you can have your own life too .

out of interest when you went swanning off for a week as you say .. where did you go ? How did they cope ? Did you enjoy it ?

Sounds like op is sending a message to her friend in a mum and I put my family first also as she thinks thinking otherwise shows people’s true colors ? I really think that she lacks the capacity to know when she is wrong and accept that everyone ( mostly ) has says yes you AB unreasonable ! You know what they say if you don’t like the answer maybe don’t ask .

You'll happily go away separately for two weeks with friends, but there's something wrong with this friend for asking you to go away for a weekend? That just doesn't make any sense.

The only explanation you've given for this seeming contradiction is because it's a bank holiday weekend, and for some reason you think bank holidays should be sacred family time. Can you please explain why it make such a difference that it happens to be a bank holiday?

Also if you have such strong feelings have the conviction to say NO BH is family time instead of mulling it over on here

sounds to me like you want to go but want us all to reassure you that your doing the right thing by not going and yes your values are impeccable 🫠

Two weeks!

Wonder what you’d do if you had to go swanning off for a work conference or actually for no bloody reason at all .

do you think people who go away ( mums ) on bank holiday are swanning off and they should stay with the family ??? What a judgement if that’s the case . Mums work bloody hard looking after their families bad enough without you adding to that judgement or creating this false narrative about bank holidays .

whst is your husbands feeling about bank holiday ? Is this all coming from you or him

Oh my what ever next? Coffee mid day ? Log this with 111 and go nc

Also how did they amuse themself for more than three days last time ?

It's not unreasonable to feel like you want to spend BHs with your family.

It's not unreasonable to go away on a BH.

It's not unreasonable for your friend to ask you if you want to do something on a BH.

It's not unreasonable for your friend to not know you're slightly weird about BHs and can't possibly consider doing anything other than spending it with your family.

The only unreasonable thing is that you're for some reason aghast that she would ask you to "swan off".

If it was a business trip you’d be going & they’d be fine. In this case you’re having some much deserved me time, & they’ll be fine! It’s three days, they’re teenagers and will likely have plans with friends, especially as it’s a bank holiday weekend. If it was your DH in this position would he not go? Call your lovely friend & accept her kind invitation then go & have a great time! You’ll also be setting a great example to your kids that independent me time is super important! 😊

It’s not in the slightest bit unreasonable to ask, but I’m not sure why she’d want to go with you seeing that you have such a martyr complex. Just say no if you don’t want to go, and enjoy trying to persuade your 14 and 15 year old to spend the whole weekend with you.

Just say no if you don't want to go, nothing unreasonable about been asked. Your.lids are old enough to cope with dad for a few days. What's the problem, you'd think she'd asked you to abandon them for years. If you don't want to go say no. But don't make he rout to be unreasonable because she asked you.

YABU JUST SAY NO, WHY THE DRAMA