To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

Just say no, you can’t bear any responsibility for getting her kid to or from the activity!

I’d invent something you had to do on way to and from training (pop in and check on elderly relative or something) so that it would be inconvenient to act as taxi for her child. Or buy a 2 seater sports car so no room for additional child.

Or like Zammo just say NO! :)

Just say no. Grow a spine

or whimp out and say you have another activity to go to straight from and thus can no longer help. Maybe something annoying like classical recorder class 😂

Yabu for entertaining the batshit. People take because they can. Put your DD first.

No i will not be able to commit to that i have my own daughter to see to.

now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back.

No, you most certainly do not. You don't have to do anything, and this is a problem entirely of your own making.

All you have to say is that you will not be providing rides because it's not convenient. No debate necessary and the mother doesn't have to like it.

Voted YABU because you need to use the word NO.

She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going

Do you mean she expects you to ferry her child around even if yours isn't going anyway??

What on Earth do you think you owe this woman? She's not your friend and your children aren't friends, just say it's not convenient and you can't do it any more. If she protests. tell her she should have at least have had the courtesy to have asked you before signing her daughter up if she's relying on you for transport! What a CF.

Sorry we can't take your dd anymore.. And block her...

Nah fuck that. She can sort her own kid out. If the daughter was a friend and the mum supported your Daughter and was a decent person then maybe. The fact she is one step away from being your Daughters bully... definitely not.

Don't apologise or give reasons for not doing it, she'll only try and solve them for you. Next time she asks, simply reply, that doesn't work for me or I have something to do, I can't be responsible for your dd.

Get in touch with her today and say you can no longer provide any lifts or wait with her child. Do it now, before the next class. If you have to make up an excuse then fine but you don't owe her an explanation.

You are putting your child first and setting totally reasonable boundaries so don't feel bad and don't hesitate - just bite the bullet.

Take responsibility for your own child yourself by saying no! You've put more time and energy into analysing everything in such negative terms (which may or may not be true) and writing this post than just saying no. You solve this by acting. You'll be taking her home every single time, forever otherwise. You shouldn't have said yes, ever.

Why did you agree to it in the first place? I just don't understand.

Unless someone has put a gun to your head you're not obliged to be a taxi driver for anyone. I would say yabu for going along with it in the first place. Maybe it's only in Mumsnet world where somebody finds themselves driving other people around while secretly seething about it 😵‍💫

Yet again another day, another MN doormat

Why on earth are you even entertaining this and going out of your way? That in itself is enough of a valid reason!

You say “actually it’s not working for me/ I have another commitment/ I’m sorry it’s not suiting your schedule, see you tomorrow!”
It’s beyond me that a you’d even start this for a mother and child who aren’t even real friends with you or your child. Even don’t respond to the text to collect and say you were busy, say you’re having to run an errand beforehand/ nip to town/ go for tea/ literally anything but to be honest you don’t need an excuse you just need to say it’s not working for you.

You haven't got time to pick up/drop off with other family commitments and when you're there you'd rather concentrate on your child/go somewhere else to switch off with coffee/your phone/book - for that reason, no.

I voted YABU as you don't need to make her take responsibility for her own kid. You just take responsibility for yours and say no to the other parent!

The other parent does sound like a CF tbf.

Just say you value the time alone with your child to chat through the week etc. time is rushed enough that evening, you're not doing it any more.

I voted YABU. What a stupid question, just tell her no, why all the bloody angst!

Hi CF its so nice of you to factor me and my family into your plans for you and your family but it just does not work for me and my family, so over to you to manage your own arrangements to suit your career.

All that stuff about them trying to get your child's position on the team. Why get yourself involved in such bollocks by getting so cross about it?

I would not be giving lifts or even wasting my time with more than a quick hello in passing to anyone getting on like this. I would just say "sorry, we can't". If you deliver it with finality she won't ask why not. If she does you could say you have too much on this evening to be driving out to her house. You don't need to be attending to an important career at 8 at night to be busy. You could be putting kids to bed, helping with homeworks or doing any number of things that all parents are always busy with instead of being her household help so it shouldn't be hard to come with something. She'll understand you not having the time as she doesn't have the time to do it herself.

YABU because just say no.

All the info re frenemies and her trying to upstage you is irrelevant. She could be your best friend or your sister and her casual assumption that you'll be doing all the lifting and carrying would be a problem. Why on earth did you agree?

Assuming she re-asks every week, just say no. "Sorry, we won't be able to collect/drop Jane". And leave it at that.

Honestly OP - just ignore any messages and focus on your daughter.

This is only an issue because you're allowing it to be.

If you have to engage with them just say "No, that's not possible" - don't explain or apologise.
And if they try accusing you of abandoning their child - IGNORE THEM!
You've done no such thing.