To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

You can absolutely refuse to take the child home at the end of the session. "We have other plans today. Sorry."

It's the mother's responsibility: not yours.

I had a mother that kept leaning on me to collect her son or she would drop him at mine just before 7am for me to take to school 😳 She asked again just recently and I literally replied with “Sorry I can’t commit to that” and if she was gonna be cheeky and ask why, I’d be damn cheeky back and tell her. The best part is I live about 4 miles away from the school and she lives in the same close as the school 🙃 Make it make sense

‘Sorry, I can’t drop her off, we’ve made other plans’
not your problem

Say no?
Or if thats too difficult say you have to go/come from elsewhere in a different direction?

Oh come on! Fully expecting your next post to be that you've decided to withdraw your daughter from the session instead, to avoid doing anything about this and then spending the next decade telling a story about how you and your child were driven out by this woman. Then of course the perfect ending would be the mum miraculously finds time to collect her daughter without fail once you stop going, because that was her wicked plan all along. Bonus if your daughter loses her team place to the other child as a result. Bloody hell OP, parent your own child, give over with teaching her such awful lessons.

I don’t get how some other people are such doormats?

You call her a frenemy so don’t want her to go anyway. Why on earth would you facilitate it! Why did you ever say yes??

Don’t take her, then she won’t be there-isn’t that a win win?!

She asks, you say no can do. End of. You're not the one 'abandoning' her child, she is.

If you're feeling charitable, give her the heads up before she asks and tell her she needs to make alternative arrangements in future.

But DO NOT give in when she ignores you and asks anyway, the cheeky cow.

You are not abandoning the child there the parent is. You need a reason to tell the coach why you can't take the child it is the coach and the parents responsibility. Have a reason ready. Ignore any request from mum directly. Don't use phone during lesson/leave it in your car etc so you can reply once home. Didn't see your message until we got home. Be uncontactable and unavailable.

If child asks directly just say no or that we aren't going your way tonight. It's hard but honestly need to stop anyone thinking it is your responsibility for that child.

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them.

Ignore the messages. Reply later that day and say no, sorry-that doesn’t work for me.

You aren’t her chauffeur.

Just say no it does not suit me and nothing else every single time. It’s not rocket science. Do jot be a doormat. Why are her wished trumping your own?

"I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!"

Hi OP, I do understand that you've been taken by surprise previously and felt on the spot so you couldn't say no.

Right now, the thing to do is to send a text message to the CF mum saying: "I have been hugely inconvenienced a couple of times now by you asking me to drop your child home at short notice. I won't be able to do this again and wanted you to know this now so that you won't ask again. Please ensure that there's some alternative emergency provision in place. If I'm put in the position of being asked again I'll have no choice but to say no, and that might distress your child. Thank you."

And for good measure send a similar one to the coach, saying: "I have been hugely inconvenienced a couple of times now by CF mum asking me, via message to you, to drop her child at short notice. I won't be able to do this again and wanted you to know this now so that you won't ask me again. I really don't want to be put in an awkward situation again, please. I have messaged CF mum directly to advise her of this. Thank you."

CF mum might reply protesting but if you ignore her then there's nothing she can do. Best of luck!

This. The coach probably thinks you’re fine with it. Tell them both you’re not.

Well obviously you tell the coach that you are not able to offer a lift to this child under these circumstances, and if they ask why, tell them why. That this woman is expecting you to be her taxi driver, she is taking the piss, and you won't do it any more.

In an emergency, and if you are there, you could bring the child back to your house, and the woman can collect her dc from yours, but every week? No.

Stuff that for a game of soldiers.

She's almost certainly not telling the truth about being unable to collect her DD, she just wants you to do it because you're already there.
Just say to the coach that it's not convenient, CF Mum will have to find someone else to collect her DD. Don't respond to her phoning or texting you.
Also the whole debacle about training and teams is very weird.

The effrontery of this woman is genuinely astonishing.

I completely agree with PPs - tell her that going forward you will NOT under ANY circumstances be accommodating her requests and update the coach too.

I suspect she will push back in some way but no matter what do not relent. Draw a clear line in the sand. If that means her child is left with the coach and no ride home - so be it.

Just say, sorry that's not going to work for us. Stone wall. Or grey rock or whatever it is.

YABU, the word No can be so liberating. Try it, what's the harm? Once you do you'll find it easier and easier to say it.

The entitlement is breathtaking! You need to put a stop to this by telling her and the coach that you can no longer bring her home as it’s too far out of your way-and to please not ask again.

Make it the coach's problem: sorry no we can't.

@WoolyMammoth55 has worded this perfectly, @Blondeandbeautifullol!

YABU to be doing the collecting etc. you say no that doesn't work for me.

Honestly why did you say yes ?

You have nothing to feel guilty about so say whatever you like, depending on what works and lie if you want to. I’m sorry I can’t tonight because….
we’re going via the supermarket/picking up a takeaway/popping in on a relative/need to go straight home as husband’s forgotten his key/life is too busy to be able to do this each week.
Don’t answer your phone and if coach asks just say sorry we aren’t going straight home so can’t do it.

Totally agree with this, be an adult and just....say no? You get a call or text..... just say no, they can't collect their own child from a club they knew she was going to......that's their tough shit. The child is not your responsibility, set an example to your own DD that it's not acceptable for people to take the piss.

Just say no.
No context, no further discussion, just no.

Why are so many people scared to use such a simple word these days?

Actually it is nice. Op needs to respect herself, the other woman certainly isn't.