To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

Say "I can no longer take or collect little poppet on a Thursday, we have another commitment that makes it impossible " absolutely no apologies from you and no further explanation, in fact don't even reply if she tries to turn it back on you .

Exactly. The OP is obviously being unreasonable to have gone along with this for a second.

Just say no, OP. And grow up. No one is 'making you' run around after anyone else's child. You are choosing to, for some mystifying reason.

Just say NO, you don’t need to give an explanation at all. Come on Woman Up!

Was just thinking this. Maybe I have the worst resting 'fuck off' face and demeanor but this stuff never happens to me. I'd just say 'no that won't work for me'

now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back.

No you don't. You're choosing to. Tell them your child has been upset by theirs and you can no longer help.

If their kid is bullying yours tell the school.

This

Jist dinnna dee it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Good god, just say no! You don't have to drive 4 miles out if your way or hang around. It's not your problem. When she asks next time say no, you have other commitments. If she gets stroppy so what? Your kids aren't mates, she's not your friend, no skin off your nose. You don't owe her any favours, you don't need to prop up her career. She's only able to be a CF because you enable her.

Well you've created this situation so you are being unreasonable.

Just say no. Honestly you sound like a wimp and have willingly gone along with this.

The saddest thing about this is you are teaching your child that you cannot say no to people even if they treat you badly .

Good Lord.

If you don't want to do it, don't.

Grow up and say no.

'Dear cf, just wanted to let you know that things are changing here (I've grown a backbone) so I won't be able to take or pick up your dd. Hope you get sorted'

Oh no, why, it's not fair. Blah blah

'As I said things have changed and I can't run around any more'

If child isn't picked up, send her back in to the coaches.

Zammo didn't say 'no'. That was the problem.

I totally agree with the just say no replies. However, this is the first time I've been asked up front. On 4 prior occasions I've just been called or messaged during the sports class directly, or when i ignored it via the coach there that she's unable to collect her daughter now so can I bring them home. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week!

Christ on a bike. You can either be fully honest and say that her child isn't nice to yours so you don't want to do it or just tell her that you're not able to drop off and pick up.

Don't invent excuses, just tell her it's not convenient for you.

That's not your problem.

Seriously just say no. The mum will be there to pick up if she needs fo be.

You are abandoning nobody, the child is not your responsibility

I'd say you can't do it, don't give it reason. Then if they call while you're there I'm afraid you'll have to make it the coaches problem not yours.

You can leave the child there with the coach if you haven't agreed to take them home! Say you're not going that way and can't take them. And definitely say no to taking them too, sounds like a right pain!

"Hi CF, our Thursdays are really hectic this term so unfortunately I won't be able to take fluffikins to gymnastics any more. So much to juggle, it's insane!"

Tinkly laugh, breezy smile. She can bugger off.

You could always send a message tonight saying ’just a heads up but I’m not going to be able to take kid home after training going forward. Hope you can get something in place’

Big fat no to the cheeky bitch. You can leave her there, she is not your child and you have no responsibility to her, this woman needs to be shown you won't be walked over. The coach will keep an eye on her till her parent arrives and might even give her a telling off for not planning properly.

You can absolutely 100% abandon a child there.

It's not your child and you're not the one abandoning her.

Say "sorry I can't" and leave it at that.

and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking

She keeps asking because you keep agreeing to doing it!

Come on @Blondeandbeautifullol . There is being a "people pleaser" and then there is being a doormat.
You fall into the latter.

It doesn't matter how she asks you; message, through the coach, directly or via carrier pigeon, all yiu have to do is say No.

The more you say no and refuse to do it, the less she will ask you.

You are not abandoning a child. The parent is effectively when they don't arrange to pick them up and don't intend to. Leave them with the coach and let the parent get an earful. The coach shouldn't be asking you anyway. Next time you are asked by either, say I can't, I have permanent commitments immediately after sports every week now and won't be able to wait or drop home. You don't need to say what these commitments are as its absolutely nobody else's business. If they ask, say they are private. Firm and final. What's the worse that can happen, someone you don't like anyway gets moody with you?! Who cares! If she fucks off, all the better.

Another vote for say no when asked to pick up/ drop off/ wait. Your time is as valuable as hers, by her own admission she could do it but finds it more convenient to foist it onto you.
To pre empt any messaging during class message her saying that from now on you are not picking up/ dropping off or waiting.