To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

I'd message her saying something like, "Hi, just letting you know we can't give x lifts to or from coaching from now on."

Then ignore any whining and decline any requests passed on by the coach. The parents won't abandon their DD but they will be forced to take responsibility for her.

Of course you can ignore. Don't answer. Gather your child up and go home. If the coach comes over to say 'Gemma's mum has asked if you can run her home,' you reply, 'Sorry, I can't. I have somewhere I need to be and it isn't on my way'.

It's not rocket science. It's not your responsibility. Leave them with the coach. They will contact parents presumably.

All of this. Put your daughter first.

Just not turning up and hoping someone will ferry their kid around so unbelievably cheeky. You have absolutely no responsibility to that child. "No I can't" to both the mum and the coach.
I wonder what other inconvenience of parenting she off loads on the overly polite!

Yabu not telling her to f/o. Why would you facilitate her child trying to pip yours at the post out of spite from the mother? Easy way to resolve this issue is to say no, I can't facilitate xyz until either she does it herself or the kid drops out. Your child and their happiness comes first.

Get it done - the first time the coach is stuck with the kid will be the absolute end of it though and possibly the end of frenemy attending the activity at all, with any luck, as they absolutely will not tolerate CF mum doing this to them!

I wouldn't faff about being nice either.

To CF Mum: 'I've neither the time nor the inclination to run around after you/your child. No further lifts will be given, do not ask.

To Coach: Frenemys Mum is a CF, I won't be taking Frenemy home, it is not on my way even remotely. Heads up you're going to be expected to wait/run kid home!

"I obviously can't abandon a child there."

You are not abandoning the child - she is

You’re not abandoning the child, her mother is. You have a very important appointment to get to immediately after the class so you are unable to take the child. That’s it. This isn’t your problem and she can’t make it yours if you refuse to get involved. Every week she asks just reply back that you’re sorry but you’re not going home as you have an appointment so you can’t collect/wait with the child. Tell her not to worry, you’ll let the coach (who’s paid to be the responsible adult here) know that she can’t make it again so that they can ensure the dc isn’t left alone. Make sure it becomes coach’s problem because they will not tolerate this and I doubt she will pull this shit again.

Come on op. Show some backbone. Sorry I will no longer be able to give lifts there or back...it's quite a detour and is eating into my time too much. Then leave it at that.

You absolutely can and should leave her child there. What a CF!

Call this woman and make it clear that you will not be giving any more lifts and it is her responsibility to organise her child's transport.

Of course you can - coach can take the child home in that circumstance & likely the mum wouldn't do it again.

Just say no, it doesnt suit. No apologies, no excuses or made up detours & don't be drawn into conversation on it. 'No i can't, that doesn't suit' ad nauseum.

I'm currently watching Baby Reindeer with my wife. It's about a man that gets stalked by a woman.

As I said to her last night, all his problems with this woman could have been avoided if he'd stopped being so polite and just told her to fuck off.

You need to politely, or rudely, tell this woman to go fuck herself.

You have two reasonable choices next time she appears to give you no choice -

Take the child home and go to her door and tell her not to text you again as you had somewhere important to go after the class tonight and it is not on.

Tell the coach you cannot take the child home as you are not going home tonight and leave it to the coach to sort out with the mum.

Why are you being a martyr? Of course another person's child isn't your responsibility.

This is perfect!

Just tell the mum and the coach no. The coach will have to wait for the mum to pick her child up. Not your problem.

@Arconialiving has it perfectly- definitely do this. Two birds one stone.

Why arent you just saying no? I don't understand what the issue is with saying no.

You're not abandoning her though, she's not your responsibility.

Look you don’t have to give a reason. If you say to the coach ‘sorry I can’t do it today’ you don’t have to say why. Then the coach or the parent will have to sort out the problem. Don’t feel guilty. The kid is not your responsibility.

Tell the coach you are sick of her asking you for lifts and won’t be doing it any more.

If she can’t come to the club, then that is her own problem.

She's ripping the piss out of you, and your DC. Ferrying around someone else's brat who doesn't even like your DC. Just tell her straight

You absolutely can "abandon" the child. The coaches will be in loco parentis, not you! Just ignore your phone and go home with your own child. Some people are SO cheeky

The coach is there to look after the child. You’re not leaving her destitute on her own in danger.

I hate when people say this, but I’m going to… you need to grow a backbone for CF’s like this. Just say no! Again and again. This is not your responsibility. Why are you making it your problem?

Agree with the others you're not abandoning her of course you're not.

Her mother is

Also agree say no to the coach. The coach will take her home once and once only - coach won't stand for that nonsense and neither should you.