To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

But you are not abandoning a child there. You are leaving them with their coach, who are responsible for them until their parent comes.
Just say - sorry, can’t do, and leave.
if coach asks you say sorry, but we have plans and are not able to look after child.
coach will soon have a chat with CF mother…

Keep saying no.

no to the coach or anyone who expects you to continuously pick up the pieces and run around after this child.

If you keep doing it as a misplaced martyr they’ll keep expecting you to.

Let it be someone else’s problem. Let it be for someone else to resolve. They’ll soon get onto mum/dad to sort their child out. They have no reason to if you keep backing down.

YABU because all you have to do is say that you won't be running her child around any more. You don't need to make excuses. It isn't convenient, so you aren't going to do it.

This. And do not bother making up inane excuses, as suggested by some posters either. Why is it so difficult to stop other people taking advantage like this? She would not do any of what she is asking of you, for your child OP.

You don't HAVE to do anything.
This is a problem of your own making.

Next time she asks just text back

• sorry, no can do busy

After that just don't respond - you know that if she's messaging you on that evening she'll want a lift so don't open it
When she says something just respond that you're busy, not glued to your phone

I'd never go out of my way for someone else's child - I guess you could say if she's here by x time ill take her but I'm going yhen whether she's here or not. And then your clock might be running fast

Just say no. Do not check your messages. You are not responsible for this child, but you are allowing her mother to make it so.

Text her ‘Hi Jane, can’t take Emily this week, see you soon, Sarah x’

If she asks why when you see her just say ‘oh god, we’ve got loads going on, I won’t bore you, but Thursdays are tricky for us.’

People like her are thick skinned and selfish, she won’t want to hear about you. If she asks again ‘sorry, no can do, we’re up against it on Thursdays.’

I'd never go out of my way for someone else's child - I guess you could say if she's here by x time ill take her but I'm going yhen whether she's here or not. And then your clock might be running fast

No, that is really not nice.

Take a deep breath - message this other Mum - "Can't collect or bring up flossy anymore. you will need to make alternative arrangements. No need to reply"

Then also message the coach and tell her too - you are not available to take this child home - ever again.

Hi. I have a lot going on. If I'm honest I don't want to take on any extras so it's a no from me. Good luck sorting it out.

Yes you can leave the child there. They are not your responsibility. Think of the message you are sending to your child.

That allowing people who are not even nice to you that it is acceptable to control and manipulate you.

Say no and walk away. From the mum, child or coach.

I can't believe you make your daughter endure spending time with someone who isn't nice to her outside of school and watch her mum run around after them.

YABVU! I wish someone would have me transporting anyone that is mean to me or mine. You don’t have to do anything other than stand up for your daughter, if not for yourself 🤦🏾‍♀️.

I’m sure you wouldn’t have minded helping out on the odd occasion if frenemies mum was genuinely stuck. Some people can’t help taking the piss OP. This woman is one of them. Just make it clear you will not be continuing with this “arrangement”. You don’t owe her an explanation.

You need to message to say you cannot do it and please don't ask again. Tell coach the same.

yes you can. You tell the coach you have another commitment so sorry no you can't take her. He will have to or call the mother back to make other arrangements. I bet that would only ever happen that once!!

I’ve had it she even wanted me to have her child after school for tea and then take her to sane activity as mine. I had to say No I can’t.. no discussion no engagement she soon found another victim to do it! I appear to be the quiet unassuming person she’s the extrovert blah blah at school but at the end of the day if it’s not convenient just say No and don’t elaborate

That’s appalling of the coach and I’d point out that a) it’s their responsibility not yours to ensure the child gets home and b) you’ve been doing it at cost to your own time as it’s not actually convenient.

If she keeps the coach waiting that’s her/ their problem.

Simply say to the coach that she’s not your responsibility to get home and you’ve indicated this to her mum so if she can’t get there then that’s their issue. Text the mum and say that following the last few weeks you’d rather not continue dropping off as it’s not convenient and is becoming taxing to be dropped in it each week. She has no shame and she really won’t get the message unless it’s direct, people like her will push it till the cows come home banking on people to just roll over.

Ah a brass neck mum, you have to be as rude and pushy as they are unfortunately. It never sits well with me either, but that is their currency. You probably need to be a bit sharp too as she will try it on.

"Hi - we have another family commitment after sports club now so wont be able to take Frenemy home. Please make other arrangements as I will not be able to help out anymore xx"

And then you have to stick to it. So if sports club come to you to say can you take Frenemy home as mum cant get here in time, you say oh no sorry we're going in the opposite direction this evening, Frenemy will have to wait for her mum.

'Sorry, I don't have the time to go so far out of my way.' Done.

If say the girls don't seem to be getting on so you can do any lifts.

YOU are not abandoning a child anywhere, their parent is. The bloody coach can volunteer himself to take the kid home.

Not your problem. Not your responsibility. You are not abandoning anyone. She is. Just say no and keep saying no.

I'd leave child with the coach and say no sorry you have something to do and keep walking

. I obviously can't abandon a child there. But it's every week

You wouldn't be the one abandoning them though, the mother would. Even if the coach asks just say no. You wouldn't even need to tell the coach why or any explanation. That actually makes it easier.

Her Mum would be the one abandoning her. Not you.