To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

TLDR: I am being asked to drive out of my way to drop a kid off. AiBU to refuse?

No, YANBU. You can choose where to drive and what kids to drop off or not. This is the benefit of being the owner of your own car! So just say "no sorry, I can't"

Good grief that’s SO rude and cheeky! I would go with “Hi CFname. Just wanted to let you know that I will not be able to take mini-CF or drop her home any more. I now have other commitments that make it impossible”. This has the double effect that she can’t really argue with ‘other commitments’ and she will drive herself crazy wondering what your daughter has now potentially taken up that she will have to copy!!

BTW you are not abandoning a child. The parent is. Just say "sorry coach, not tonight I can't"

You're not abandoning a child there - she is...

I'd send a message that's polite but firm 'hi, hope you're doing good. I can't take or bring back from club anymore as I now have other commitments, take care'

If she asks what other commitments they are it is fine to just reply - circumstances have changed and I need to stick to just going direct with mine to and from - these are family commitments and will be for the foreseeable future.

Your family commitments are - prioritising your own family, and what is convenient to you.

After you've said no, If the coach comes out to you to say you are taking child home - no, nothing was arranged with me. I told CF it is not possible anymore. You will have to contact CF parent & tell them to collect their child.

OP what message are you giving your daughter here?
That being a little wagon gets rewarded, that you let people walk all over you?
No, hell no.
You message Mrs CF, Hi Mrs CF, I am not in a position to drop or collect CF Junior anymore
The End.
I would also email the coach and also tell them this.

Just say no.

Explain to the coach that you are unable to take poppet home. It will still be with a responsible adult.

Send a text to the freeloading cow informing her that:
1)you are sadly unable to pick the poppet up

Or

2. to stop taking the fucking piss and to parent your own brat.

Your choice x

@Treetertop and I are thinking the same….based on your op I do think the dynamics of copycatting the training and potential for trying out for same team position is worrisome to you so imagine in a not very distant future cheeky’sdaughter does in fact beat your child out of top ranking in the position. Imagine your daughter doesn’t even make the team because cheekydaughter has really excelled in these specialists classes…you know the very class you drove her to and from!! How will you feel then? No that doesn’t work for us anymore….just say it via phone or text. And going against the grain I wouldnt say anything peremptory to the coach it somehow implies you are responsible for the child. If asked by special coach say oh I let her mother know I am not available for rides. It’s no coincidence she’s also manipulating you via the coach.

I agree with this. Just say its not convenient

She signed her kid up for the training, so if she was busy working, and hasn’t got someone to collect her, then that’s her problem. Do not engage!!! The answer is no, every time. I would not want a girl who says unkind things to mine, in my car anyway, tbh. You need to be strong OP, and say to the coach, you can’t drop off the kid, if the mother rings, it’s on the coach then (and I can’t see them putting up with the mother rocking up late all the time)

Ignore the messages. If you still then get stuck because the coach pressures you, text the mum apologising that you had planned to do the family shop on the way home so you can only get her DD back to her an hour later after having gone very slowly around Tesco. Do this 2 out of 3 times (not every time in case CF mum takes on overtime or starts to enjoy her hour sit-down) Eventually her DD will pressure her to stop too.

Just say no. Is it for a goalkeeper position in football?

Voted YABU because nobody is this wet surely? Just say no, this doesn’t work for us.

Also YABU for using the ridiculous term “frenemy”.

YABU to do this, how ridiculous. No no no no nooooo

Are you on drugs?
The CF would probably be delighted to get rid of her DD for an extra 2 hours pw

Agree with others, very si.ple, just say no. You can have a prior engagement you have to attend every week now (meal out with DD? ). In any case agree if the coach asks you to take child home you just say you're so sorry but you can't, and shitty mother will gave to get on with it.

@BestZebbie lol if the mother is already pawning off her kid she'd surely love extra free time?

She's probably telling the coach that you're fine with it. You need to say to the coach every time that you haven't made an agreement with the mum and can't take her. This makes it the coaches problem and they'll get sick of it and tell the mum what's what.

Don’t do this, the mum would absolutely love even more hours of free babysitting.

Agree with others, tell both mum and coach that you’re not doing it as it doesn’t work for you. Liability for child abandonment falls on her, not on you. If coach can’t get hold of her then I imagine it’ll only happen the one before they take action.

Stop being a doormat. Tell the mum that it isn’t convenient and you will not be taking X to or from as of immediately. If that doesn’t work for her, she’ll have to find another way to ensure her dd gets there and back. Tough.

Another day another doormat.

You can leave a child there that isn't yours that you haven't arranged to take home. Lie, say you're not going home, and tell the mother you're not picking and dropping her kid, hers and yours are not friends and as you're not friends with her, just tell her it's out of your way and inconvenient.

You allow this child to pick on yours and now you're allowing the mother to pick on you. Grow a spine.

Let the coach know that you are not able to drop the child home in future and should not entertain her parents request as it's putting you in an awkward position.

Absolute CF.

You don't have to do any of this.