Thinking that women would benefit if they were more open minded about height in a potential partner…

[Moonfishstar]

… and not write off the majority of men who are under 6 foot (85%).

Women seem to be fighting for a small proportion of men - with the disappointment that will inevitably bring to the many who inevitably won’t succeed. Of course, it’s even crapper for the good,
but short, men out there.

Of course, we all fancy who we fancy, and I’m not saying we should date shorter (or even average!) men out of pity or a “sense of fairness”, but how much of women’s desire to bag a tall guy is actually societal, and down to how they think other women will view them?

As a man, women thought I was about 5'8" when I was poor and I shot up to 6' when I became well off.
I am between 5'10 and 5'11" and always put the lower one on OLD.

This is such an affectation of online dating. Where the dating pool is a database and your particular bit of it is what remains when you exclude a bunch of characteristics. And, on finding that pool a little - centre parcs lagoon at half term - you convince yourself that you are doing something kind and benevolent by extending your parameters to find some clear water.

It all sounds a bit grotty to me. Can I suggest living your life and throwing the glad eye when you see someone you fancy?

Well, yes, obviously…. I don’t see how that negates my point.

I have tried to unpick any prejudices that have needlessly narrowed my dating pool, as I’ve already mentioned about tattoos

tattoos but not with height it seems......

Well, yes, obviously…. I don’t see how that negates my point

Because you literally said it would benefit women to not rule out shorter men. It's really patronising to suggest ways in which women would benefit from dating men they dont actually find attractive when you yourself are dating someone tall but thats ok because "he's great". Why do you assume other women arent dating tall men also because they are "great". Its not a crime to find someone attractive, if you are having sex with them, its essential.

The reason you come across as MRA/ incel like OP is that you started the thread in the first place. With the exception of a few mothers of short sons who are worried about their dating prospects (unnecessarily, as while they may not have their pick, if they're a nice lad, they will find a partner, just like the vast majority of short men do) there is no healthy reason for a woman to want to sell short men to other women.
Your premis that women will 'benefit' is ridiculous as there can be few women who don't already realise that imposing a height limit restricts their dating pool, and if they can't find a tall man will have to compromise or remain single. To believe women need that pointing out assumes a level of stupidity that is based in misogyny.
As for it being 'crap' for short men, your expectation that a group of women should care enough about the feelings of theoretical short men to change their dating preference is a typical of MRA....you are upsetting us with your choices, so you need to make different ones so we're not upset. Because our feelings are more important than what you want.

OP yes it is odd, as a tallish woman (5'8") to date someone who is of similar height (after dating taller men all of life.) But it's just a new normal and as my colleague advised when I met my future husband, it doesn't matter when you are lying down!

You don't know anything about feminism or feminists if you think any of them would say that!

I want someone who is my intellectual equal, kind, adventurous, considerate, a good conversationalist, shares similar interests. I don't care if he is 5 ft or 6 ft if he meets those needs. I wouldn't want someone who relies on me to support them (different if in a relationship already and illness or accident gets in the way. Then it's just one of those things you support each other with). To start a new relationship though, I don't need another dependent or someone who needs care. I have enough of those already and don't need more work. I need a partner to be a friend and companion outside of those demands. Whatever his height.

That was the best plot twist ever.
I mean, you really jumped the shark there, but the 6'3 husband was hilarious.

Can I berate your choice and ask you to examine your preferences because my husband is shorter than yours?

Honestly op, why can't you just be kind. Get yourself down to the short incel pound and pick up a stray.

Hehe! So it’s ok for you to be with a tall man but other women would benefit from dating short men.

Righty ho. 🤣

Well obviously no feminist thinks that, that’s why I said it would be in a utopian fantasy world if they did!

Indeed.

If everyone is saying ‘you sound like an incel/MRA’, it’s worth asking yourself how you have managed to create this impression.

Honestly op, why can't you just be kind. Get yourself down to the short incel pound and pick up a stray

🤣 We found this one in a basement, he hadn't seen sunlight for three years. He was so welded to his computer that is was five days after we found him before he'd let it go. We tried to take him out for walks but he just isn't properly socialized. Free to a good home

Ok, i should have explained my motives from the start probably… but was worried that posters would think I was that short guy… however some seem to have thought that anyway!

One of my oldest male friends is 5”4’. He’s married, but not especially happily so… He told me the other day that one reason he’s reluctant to leave is that he thinks he’ll struggle to find someone in today’s dating market… so I looked at some stats as it wasn’t something I was particularly aware of - why would I be - and that’s where I got the figures that I linked to in my earlier posts. Like it or not, based on the Tinder/Bumble stats, he’s right… a 5’4 guy is going to struggle on OLD (I know that’s not the only way) irrespective of his other qualities, which are great btw. He’s definitely not an incel type! Anyway, he seems in a reasonably good place at the moment in his marriage - even if there are difficult undercurrents - so he’s not looking to leave just at the moment anyway.

Fair point. I’ve explained my reasons for my thread in a post just now…. So not a short son, but a short friend that got me thinking…

Ok, what have I said which is MRA misogyny.

Well like I said earlier, you did it for me when you stated that women like tall men either because society has conditioned them to it or because they want to get one over on other women, and proceeded to pick women's preferences apart like a Poundshop David Attenborough, as if women aren't just people who come in as mixed and human a bunch as men do. And of course, then tried to get them to abandon their preferences for their own good.

If you don't see what's misogynistic and incelly about that, it's for the same reason people standing in Oxford Street can't see Britain.

Lol. So you're here doing some short men promotion on behalf of your friend, so he's got enough other options to be able to leave his wife? And she'll do in the meantime until you've managed to turn the tide of opinion in his favour? You really should have said in the first place OP, sterling work on your part, I'm right behind you!

Exclusivity limits your options.

About 30% of UK men are over 6ft, so you immediately cut your dating pool by a factor of 3 if you only consider these men.

Women have the right obviously to choose what ever characteristics they want in a partner and so do men.

Either men or women shouldn't really be surprised if they want characteristics that people seem to rate highly in terms of attractiveness in a partner then if they are pretty ordinary themselves then the likelyhood they are going to get what they want is reduced as they are competing against the rest of society.

If you are a short fat balding bloke it is unlikely that you are going to end up in a relationship with a 6ft blonde supermodel unless you have some other sort of extraordinary quality to offer. And spending your life seeking out that supermodel probably means you are going to end up partner less and unhappy if you want to be in a relationship. And vice versa for women.

You can settle for someone who is over 6ft. Or you can settle for someone who will be a good life partner, loyal and good with kids. Which is likely to lead to greater happiness depends on who is doing the settling. But if you attempt to find both, just realise that the overlap gets that much smaller, and the probability of being successful similarly reduced.

One of my oldest male friends is 5”4’.

You date him then. You’d benefit greatly from it.

Ohhhh, you're asking for a friend! Why didn't you say so?

And you were just amazed to find out that tallness in men is an advantage with women and needed to work out why that was, because there couldn't possibly be any sensible or acceptable reason for it - it must be societal or just bitchy feminine competition.

Wait till you hear about the male preference for young, slim women. It'll blow your mind!

One of my oldest male friends is 5”4’. He’s married, but not especially happily so… He told me the other day that one reason he’s reluctant to leave is that he thinks he’ll struggle to find someone in today’s dating market…

He sounds like an arsehole. His wife will have to do because he’ll only leave if he can find someone else to date. He can’t possibly be single for a while so as long as he’s getting sex from someone, it’s ok.

Yeah I don’t think it’s his height that’s the issue here. Gross.

😂

the theatrics there

if the sexes were reversed it would be ‘he sounds like he’s ruined your confidence over the years, LTB hun’

I have tried to unpick any prejudices that have needlessly narrowed my dating pool, as I’ve already mentioned about tattoos
There's a bit of an undertone that to say "no" to a man, women need to have a good enough reason. They don't. Nobody is entitled to a date. Nobody is entitled to demand others are attracted to them. Women do not need a good enough reason to decline a date (neither do men).

The consequences of having a very long list of the perfect unicorn man/woman might mean a someone is single for longer.I'm overall far more concerned with how many women have been conditioned to accept a low bar for male partners than some women having preferences on what they're physically attracted to.

If your friend is going to stay in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage because he's concerned he's not going to get much sex as a single man because some mean women might not find him attractive, my gut says it's that attitude that's likely to be a bigger issue than his height.

Agreed, shocking and blatant misandry…

He’s a good man who’s working on his marriage. He wouldn’t think of having an affair, and he only mentioned that to me in a moment of doubt when agonising about the future of his relationship.

Men can without doubt be arseholes in how they view and treat women, but my god, MN shows that some women can be as bad in their own way… the disdain with which automatically treat men and always assume the worst least charitable explanation is appalling.