Dh - his annoying habit .

[Notanana]

He leaves his chair out most of the time after a meal .
… drive s me mad .
I have asked and asked that he put it back - remind him
most days- or many days -sometimes call to him upstairs to come and put it under.
it infuriates me beyond measure !
it feels inconsiderate to me .

Its silly but it really stresses me out now - i have developed a learnt reaction and i get angry.

does it really matter?!!

dh says he tries but forgets daily.
he is semi retired so this can happen 3 times a day at meal times ultimately.

he has suggested that i “ work on my reaction” ( it is ott)
and
that he does not use the table - which will affect out life !!

my thought is you are a grown man and you can put a chair under a table !!!

he also moves the coffee table daily and does not put that back either. Every day or many days i move it back.that bothers me less.

That's because women are just generally the best.
Love the new (to me) word: apercu.
Also love your mastery of the cedilla - can't do those on my iphone.

When you made the comment that I quoted OP had only said he left a chair out, the other stuff came later, so yes to stop cooking for someone who only does that is OTT IMO. And leaving a chair out is not a tripping hazard fgs unless you are visually impaired or walking around in the pitch dark!

Some of the things OP later listed would annoy me and I would have to speak to my OH about, but some wouldn't. Some of it is from OP's perspective, he's obviously not bothered where chairs go, maybe he likes the coffee table there and why is leaving the loo seat up "wrong"? Maybe he does feel she is being petty about it and, I have to say, I would be very upset if my OH made me go downstairs to 'correct' something he wasn't happy about and could have done it himself. OP has now added "cruel" in her latest update.

Even though I agree with OP about some of his behaviours that she has since mentioned (hair and shoes), I stand by my don't start a 'tit for tat' in a marriage as I don't think it's a sign of a healthy relationship and would only be detrimental to do that or only used in extreme cases (which OP has said isn't the case) such as one partner doing nothing but expecting the other partner to do everything. Fortunately I am not married to an asshat/twat and we tend to discuss things that bother us and let minor irritations (which we're probably both guilty of) go. Seems to work for us.

Most men do it!

Far easier to just put the chair back or move the table, far more easier than arguing or upset. However I would suggest you not do those things - leave them where he does.

I expect you do stuff that irritates him sometimes too.

I'm guessing there's more to this than the chair and coffee table - resentment that he's semi retired maybe?

For me it depends on how much of an obstruction this is causing. If it is a chair in front of a wall and it’s unlikely people will be trying to pass it, that would bother me less than a chair left out in a place where it prevents people getting by, or blocks a door, or children are likely to run into it, or it blocks entry to a shelf or bookcase.
I have to wonder at the people saying it’s no big deal, it’s a minor thing, yada yada. If it’s such a minor thing why can’t he do it? I’m willing to be corrected OP, but maybe it’s a just one other ‘minor’ annoyance in a series or minor annoyances. A person who doesn’t see the need for a chair to be put tidily away might also be a person who leaves their shoes lying around, or leaves the lid off the jam, who doesn’t replace the toilet roll when it runs out or clean up their crumbs when they make a snack. This isn’t likely to be isolated thing. I’d be interested to know if it is OP!

As you have asked him to do something, that doesn't impact on him in the slightest, and made it clear that not doing it gets under your skin, he'd have to be pretty selfish not to do it.

I’ve recently been actively doing the things that used to irritate me. Like leaving the chair out from the table, not hanging the cups on the dresser so there are NO gaps. Leaving cups in the sink until there are a few before loading them in the dishwasher … mostly because I realised I am in danger of being way to controlling with my DDs and getting too ‘set in my ways’. So what if the chairs aren’t all pushed in…who says they should be anyway?

Have been with husband over 30 years. Still leaves toilet seat up. Sons don’t, just dad. I don’t let it bother me as he’s otherwise tidy, hardworking, considerate and generous. I don’t think this is the hill you want to die on, is it?

Exactly this. Life’s too short.

Crikey is that all??

I’m assuming you’re perfect and have no annoying habits??

It's never about the chair.

It's about you and your partner locked in a stand-off - and each of you refusing to co-operate.

So what's really going on if you two want to be angry at each other?

Because trust me, if he starts tucking the chair under the table, it won't solve your problems. Unless you want to change the dynamics of the relationship to one where you're more controlling and obeyed.

But you want to exert control over your relationship with anger and shouting aka being a bully.

So what happens in life generally with you, if you don't get your way with something?

Screaming upstairs at your partner to come downstairs and do what you told him to do is not a healthy approach to communication. It's completely ridiculous.

Mine leaves his sweetener on the worktop, I put it back on the tea canister. This has been going on multiple times a day for years.

I've never mentioned it as I find it amusing, I wonder what I do that's annoying to him?!!

Funnily enough this was the straw that.broke the camel's back in my marriage. Having to put his chair back after every meal made me feel like the butler/footman rather than an equal partner.

Log it with 111/ 999 bbc / itvx your only option

A person who doesn’t see the need for a chair to be put tidily away might also be a person who leaves their shoes lying around, or leaves the lid off the jam, who doesn’t replace the toilet roll when it runs out or clean up their crumbs when they make a snack

l don’t put chairs away ‘tidily’ l hardly notice them. I don’t leave lid off jam or crumbs.

Everyone leaves shoes all over our house, but it’s a home.

We currently have a toilet roll stand off in our house.

I had one of these. Was lazy and did loads of shit that would irritate me. Never made a bed, never hung a coat up, never wiped down a worktop. All “too small” to end a relationship over. But you know what? It made me feel like a drudge following him round doing all of these “little” tasks. If they’re so fucking little just do them.

I ended that relationship, and was immediately happier. I then entered a relationship with someone who didn’t treat me like a skivvy

I expect you have a couple of minor habits that irritate him too.

This. It's saying he doesn't care enough about your feelings to put the chair in.

This is why I'll be single til I die, I cannot fathom why normal/typical people (in my life - men) think that someone else will come behind them and clear up.
I live with my parents and my dad can't even take his plate to the sink, put his biscuit wrapper in the bin, his chair under the table! My mum has enabled him their whole married life so there is no point in me even bringing it up! I have just accepted that I'm better alone lol!
However, working in a school I see children, of a reasonable age, leaving their chair when they know they are required to stack them. One in particular will be asked not to forget but yet will, on a daily basis. It's not a coincidence that this child is being assessed for additional needs. Some people, adults and children just do not have things on their radar.
For the OP, if these are the only things annoying you, it's not a cross to die on.

I'm sorry but this is his home too not just yours. He should feel comfortable to do as he feels within reason at home. Leaving a chair.out is hardly a criminal offence sounds to me like you have a bit of OCD and control issues. To call him back down is borderline control freak behaviour. I know I wouldn't come back and if I did the chair would have been dumped as far away from the table as possible. As for the coffee table if he has to move it clearly it's in the wrong place. Suck it up and get over it. Maybe get some support for your controlling behaviour.

Ladies have social superiority. It’s just a rule like steam gives way to sail.

What would he do if you weren't there to put the chair back in?
As for the toilet seat issue - it should be down because you sit on a seat.

@Notanana did he read the article ?