Dh - his annoying habit .

[Notanana]

He leaves his chair out most of the time after a meal .
… drive s me mad .
I have asked and asked that he put it back - remind him
most days- or many days -sometimes call to him upstairs to come and put it under.
it infuriates me beyond measure !
it feels inconsiderate to me .

Its silly but it really stresses me out now - i have developed a learnt reaction and i get angry.

does it really matter?!!

dh says he tries but forgets daily.
he is semi retired so this can happen 3 times a day at meal times ultimately.

he has suggested that i “ work on my reaction” ( it is ott)
and
that he does not use the table - which will affect out life !!

my thought is you are a grown man and you can put a chair under a table !!!

he also moves the coffee table daily and does not put that back either. Every day or many days i move it back.that bothers me less.

Does he do at restaurants or cafes?
Or does he thinks it’s only you that has to tidy up after him. You could still eat at the table he doesn’t have to.

The hair is not left there when we have visitors - thank goodness

Some of the things you have mentioned OP would irritate me more than the chair and I would have to say something: the hair (grim), the shoes (unsafe) and not cooking for me when it's his turn. What does he say when you talk about these things? TBH I prefer putting shopping away and try and stop OH.

I've never got the loo seat thing - why is one way right and another way wrong? I live with three men so seat tends to be up and it has never bothered me.

Tlolljs mostly remembers in cafes

A minor thing you have blown up into a major one.
I'm sure you do things that irritate him, does he let them go or fume about them?
Tbh none of these things compare to what the kids do every day - leave chopping board and breadknife out, leave cumbs on table, etc.

@heartbrokenof 💕🌷

You are SO right.

Theres no point in cafes or restaurants. They have to move the chairs to clean the table.

Mothership4two re loo seat up - i domt like sitting on the cold porcelain!
he puts both bits up

Tbh none of these things compare to what the kids do every day

but he is not a kid .

His point is that there are little things you're unable to do that annoy him. And if you keep hassling him about his little habits then he'll hassle you about yours.

If you let the chair thing go then I'm pretty sure he'll let the hair thing go.

Theres no point in cafes or restaurants. They have to move the chairs to clean the table

trust me it annoys hospitality staff !

How do people live in marriages like this? Seriously? Nitpicking over tiny stupid things that don't matter at all and being this angry all the time? Isn't it exhausting?

No-one sits on cold porcelain - you put the seat down. Someone has to put it up or down. I have just have never understood why a woman's preference trumps a man's. It comes up a lot on MN.

So he's basically untidy and doesn't care that you have to go around behind him tidying up the stuff he can't be bothered to do?

I would be really annoyed by this and definitely couldn't ignore it.

My DH is a bit like this and I do get really fed up with cleaning up his crumbs, putting his stuff in the dishwasher, and the house constantly being a total mess. He moans about the kids leaving stuff about but they get it from him!

And chairs belong tucked in! Tidy should always be the default.

My wife leaves the coffee jar next to the kettle every time she makes a drink - it's 12" away from where it's kept.

It irritates me, a lot. It's not important to her where it sits. Do I say anything to her? Of course not, my preference doesn't trump hers, there's no risk or problem with it being there. For me to say "if you loved me you'd do what I wanted", is just as irrational as her saying "if you loved me you'd leave it by the kettle".

She's not leaving it there for me to put back, just like I'm not having a 'clothes chair' to annoy her, or for her to decide when to wash them. We have different ways of living, and being a couple doesn't mean being totally in sync, sometimes you have to live with your partner's stuff that annoys you because you love them.

This is ridiculous.

We're not all wired the same way. If it bothers her, all she needs to do is push it back in.

Yes it's annoying. But she needs to try and change her own reaction to this, rather than expecting him to change.

Same would apply to her habits which annoy him.

It's like that Everybody Loves Raymond episode - "don't let a suitcase full of cheese become your big fork and spoon".

Try accidentally leaving the remote for the tv in different places everyday, might sharpen his mind.

And chairs belong tucked in! Tidy should always be the default

Why should it be?

Im quite tidy, but everything doesn’t default to tidiness

NooNakedJacuzziness ive said how wd he like it if i did something like that - to try to get him to understand.

the thing is if i did start doing that he wouid know why and call me petty/ cruel- Which he has when I said the above.

I think this falls into the realms of 'training' him though.

I get that it's annoying, but in the grand scheme of things, it's absolutely a non-event. This isn't even a necessity (washing dishes, or even turning lights off to save electricity), this is more of a personal preference.

I do get what you're saying, but your argument of 'it bothers her'... you could make the same argument for not feeding her grapes while fanning her. I don't like the argument of it 'bothering' her as this could be used as a manipulation tactic.

Right, so this asshat leaves chairs out which is a tripping hazard, leaves the loo seat up, doesn't unpack shopping just puts it on counter, moves the coffee table daily for exercise space and does not put back, leaves his shoes where OP trips over them, complains about OP being petty and cruel, but yet anything OP does in return like not cooking for him is tit for tat This is how women are socialised into always being kind to twats who are not kind to them.

So many red flags here. Classic controlling and abusive behaviour. Have contacted a solicitor yet? Time to get your finances in order and move on. You deserve so much better than this. LTB.

Have you RTFT? It's not a non event, it's a long list of his behaviours that shows zero consideration for OP.

My DH does exactly the same, it's a narrow bit of the room and unless the chairs are pushed in you can't walk past them. Really irritating, I've started leaving mine out too so we shall see how he feels when he can't get to the back door

'Just push back it in' is basically code for do it all yourself.

Tuck the chairs in
put the loo seat down
put away the shopping he dumps on the counter
put away the shoes he leaves everywhere
keep cooking for him because he would just eat cereal

Until it all builds up into OP resigning herself to doing everything and clearing up after him.