Dh - his annoying habit .

[Notanana]

He leaves his chair out most of the time after a meal .
… drive s me mad .
I have asked and asked that he put it back - remind him
most days- or many days -sometimes call to him upstairs to come and put it under.
it infuriates me beyond measure !
it feels inconsiderate to me .

Its silly but it really stresses me out now - i have developed a learnt reaction and i get angry.

does it really matter?!!

dh says he tries but forgets daily.
he is semi retired so this can happen 3 times a day at meal times ultimately.

he has suggested that i “ work on my reaction” ( it is ott)
and
that he does not use the table - which will affect out life !!

my thought is you are a grown man and you can put a chair under a table !!!

he also moves the coffee table daily and does not put that back either. Every day or many days i move it back.that bothers me less.

This is clearly something that bothers you in a particular way, more than I would suggest most people.

He doesn't see it as an issue and even with you getting annoyed with him, it isn't changing his behaviour.

I think this is one of those situations where if you cannot change the behaviour the only power you have is to change your reaction to the behaviour.

There are many things that members of my family do that irritate me, but don't cause them any difficulty and it is not for me to insist on my own way on them. I will sometimes clear up things (like pulling up duvets) because I like the look of it better - I can't force them to care about it, and I don't think it reflects how they feel about me.

Nori10 he does loads right
he has other habits that annoy me - just like I do him- leaves loo seat up, doesn't unpack shopping just puts it on counter, moves the coffee table daily for exercise space and does not put back, if i dont complains and whikst he sometimes cooks will often just get a bowl of cereal instead of food, leaves his shoes where i trip over them.. normal stuff - but the chair freaks me out .

Yes, and OP can change her reaction by no longer cooking for the inconsiderate twat.

My 8 year old, autistic son used to do this. I asked him to remember to push it back in after he gets up, and mostly he remembers! If he can do it, I feel your husband could probably remember. Annoying!

Let him eat cereal every night.

Put his shoes in a bin liner and put it on his pillow.

Hang on, he complains if you don't put the coffee table back which he moved?!

That's what I would hate.

Sometimes in life you just have to let things go.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas
no - he moves the coffee table every am to make space to exercise. He does not pu t it back but leaves it were he left it .
i move it back .
i t was an example of normal behaviours that couples do and bear with annoying habits - i was pointing out I accept his habits and he accepts mine- but that the chair thing drives me mad !

From someone who has had a long and happy relationship/marriage, don't do this, especially over just leaving a chair out, especially as you say he does loads right. Tit for tat doesn't belong in a relationship IMO unless it's an act of intervention if you are with a lazy b*gger who does nothing and expects you to do everything. Acting like that tends to go one way that's not a good thing for a partnership.

If my partner called me to put a chair back, I’d think wtf. Its my house too.

My view is it’s a two second job. It doesn’t bother him. It does you. So you put it back. If you left something out, that bothered him and took two seconds id say the same to him.

What does "if I don't complains" mean after the coffee table thing then?

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas sorry ! Meant to say if I dont cook .

He takes the hair from the shower and leaves it on the sink .
its gross but the chair still bothers me not that. Its me isnt it ? !

Ah, I see!

Be interested to hear what he thinks of the article.

You sound bored OP

Maybe occupy your time/headspace with something else.

This is a non issue and if my partner nagged like this constantly I'd be out the door. What a life

It's his house too. Maybe he wants to leave the chair out, who is to say your way is the right way?

I suspect you have a problem with letting minor inconveniences control you to the point of madness

I suspect you have a problem with letting minor inconveniences control you to the point of madness

not usually - i fall over the shoes he leave s out, ignore the loo seat - its just this .

Is it really a non-issue?

The chair
The hair
The shoes
The table
The loo seat
The shopping

Any one of these on its own would be a non-issue. I'd be pretty stressed having to ignore all of this though!

I think if he is a lovely husband in every other way, you can let it go. Work on your reaction and be mindful of your blood pressure.

That’s disgusting. I’d go mad at that.
But not the chair.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · Today 09:48
Is it really a non-issue?

The chair
The hair
The shoes
The table
The loo seat
The shopping

Any one of these on its own would be a non-issue. I'd be pretty stressed having to ignore all of this though!
Quote

i do ignore the other stuff - it is annoying buy i do try as we all have habits - but the chair probably symbolises the above😂

Work on your reaction and be mindful of your blood pressure.

yep ! Aware its doing me no good ! Which is why have posted

he has suggested we dont eat at the table now - id rather not go down that road !

Fair point. Leaving the hair on the side by the sink is gross to me.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · as its mostly my hair i think he is making a point! ( i cant bend and get it tho due to a medical issue )