To think a family member is being awful, although we’re living under their roof?

[PeachyGreen95]

I moved into my grandma’s home a couple of months ago, with my partner and our 6 month old baby. This is because I’m on maternity leave and my DP is training to do something else career wise, so we’re having to be careful with money. We were hoping to be here until September..

My grandma offered and said we could stay for as long as needed, we are so appreciative as we didn’t have much option other than to rent and hammer into savings.

Since we’ve lived here, my mental health has plummeted. We try to keep the house as tidy as possible with a 6 month old, I cook a nice home made meal every night for us all, do the shopping and be as respectful as possible but can’t help but think she is always trying to pick a fight. I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells constantly.

She makes hurtful comments often, she said I was fat because my jeans don’t fit after having the baby, said I care about no one but myself as I wasn’t sending photos of the baby fast enough to other family members, she watches like a hawk and will make comments about what I’m doing with the baby, how I’m weaning her etc. I’m so fed up.. last night she screamed at my partner because the baby woke up crying and he ran into the living room to turn the monitor off and said he didn’t want it to disturb her TV… she said she thought he was being funny with her. AIBU to think she’s being a bad person as she’s letting us live in her home and we’ve turned it upside down as a family???

I was already living with family when I had my baby and partner come live with me. People love to judge and make comments, whether you live with them or not. I have since moved out, had another baby and it has been so peaceful. You have to choose, if the money or the peace.

Stick it out until you can move. Try to stay out of her way as much as possible.

@ziggies I’m answering questions that have come up a number of times .. no faux innocence etc .. as there seems to have been a bit of confusion about why we moved in, what were contributing etc. I’ve said I know we’ve invaded her space hence the original post AIBU.

AtlanticMum
’these old ladies’😒

If I'm honest I'd suck it up, some elderly people can be stuck in their ways. She's given up her home her peace and quite for you to stay, maybe she's genuinely worried.about your.wieght.and just doesn't know how.else to put it
Aybe she's just snapping because she's tired.it.ismt easy to live with a baby and.famiky members at that age when you are used to been alone.
If it's something that's getting to you perhaps it's time to bite the.bulket and.move in and accept that what she offered.wont work because you aren't.co.patibek people to.livw together. It's her home.

This sounds like half a tale. Did she really offer?
A lot of elderly people are used to living on their own.
She probably expected you to find a husband that would find accommodation for you and your baby. Not with her Nan! What are both your parents doing. To be honest this sounds a bit like elder abuse. It's her house and she obviously doesn't like you all being there full time so go away. She may be a great help part time but let her live in peace.

God, all the "elderly people" comments. My friend, her husband and one year old are living with her grand mother for 6 moths until the house they've bought is ready. "Elderly Granny" is a 58 year old CEO who is regularly away overnight on business, out to dinner with friends, doing sports on the weekend. Is Granny 82 (in which case the set in their ways argument may have some traction or is she just rude and difficult)?

That would imply 3 generations of giving birth at 19 on average which can be usual for the older generation, but is unusual for your friend's mum and your (19 year old?!) friend surely? Or 17+20+20+1, or 16+20+21+1, etc... Either way still fairly unusual to have so many young pregnancies 3 generations in a row!

I think you guys need to move out. As others have pointed out, she probably didn’t expect it to be as stressful as what it has turned out to be. She’s use to her own way of doing things.

I do think it’s poor planning in your part, it’s not really the right time for a career change while your income is already reduced.

I think if you continue to stay there for your own gain, you risk potentially damaging your relationship with her forever.

Have u been checked for post natal depression? Please look after yourself. Life with a young baby can be tough.

Terrible advice

I think the fact a 'loved one' called a post partum woman fat that thats an already damaged relationship

What??????

Elder abuse?

She makes dinner every night

The grandmother called her fat and she has just had a baby?

Are you the the grandmother 🤣

What do you recommend instead? Getting into rounds of arguments and going for multigenerational family therapy? Split the house into 2 and ban the old woman from entering parts of her own house? Overpower and kick the old woman out of her own house, and take over the house?

I think it's fantastic advice. Literally the most – in fact the ONLY – sensible thing to do would be to accept it's not working and move out, as the post said.

I called myself fat after giving birth because I was a big fat fatty fatso, like 99.9% of women are giving birth 🤣

I think fatphobia is a bit of a cringey word but you really can see a lot of internalised fatphobia on this thread. Of course postpartum women, including OP, are fat as hell! They're meant to be! If you're thin after pregnancy, medically there's a higher statistical chance that your baby will be a poor little preemie or severely underweight.

That said, I know the point here is the grandma's perhaps malicious intentions/negative judgment, but that aside, being fat is no different from having your eye colour be darker/lighter after giving birth. Yes it's not healthy to comment too much on appearance, but I wouldn't mind if someone pointed out my eye colour once!

It's not working is it? Move out.

Sounds like a tough situation and I wish you all the best and hope things work out.sounds like youare very level headed even though you are dealing with a new baby is a complex situation.

Not everyone is that touchy about their weight.

I am not sure why you are away writing a novel...

Its terrible advice to suck it up, address bad behaviour when it occurs anytime it occurs. So I would say, please do not insult me by calling me fat when I have just had a baby, its inappropriate and hurtful.

Then I would leave.

What abslutely tosh. you walk into work tomorrow and call your boss fat and tell me how it goes.

The mental gymnastics here to justify hurful abuse is astounding, just wow.

Look, it's really not my fault you and many other people have self-loathing issues. It is probably society's fault, but that's still not my fault.

Fat, thin, dark-skinned, light-skinned, tall, short, etc – these should ideally just descriptors to anyone with a healthy sense of self-esteem.

Dark-skinned is used in a pejorative way in places I've lived in (just like how "fat" is a dirty word in the West and other places) – would you consider it "hurtful abuse" to call someone dark-skinned NEUTRALLY?

I did acknowledge "the point here is the grandma's perhaps malicious intentions/negative judgment". As a neutral descriptor however, how the fuck is a recently pregnant woman not supposed to be fat? 🤣 with my eldest, I was a little underweight and the poor thing was in an incubator. With my second I was nice and fat, and she was healthy and bonnie too!

Btw, would I comment on any aspect of my boss' appearance, including their eye colour etc? No, it's not professional.

On the other hand, my DH and I tell each other we've gotten fat all the time, in a loving/fond way (we both met as beanpoles and I genuinely think it's so cute that he's got a little chubby now).

The OP is not her grandmother's employer.

OMG I KNOW that, she is disengeniously saying 'fat' is benign so I am saying if she really believes it to go ahead and test the theory.

You really missed that point? Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another person who thinks calling a post partum woman fat is ok? What is wrong with people. Yeesh!