To think a family member is being awful, although we’re living under their roof?

[PeachyGreen95]

I moved into my grandma’s home a couple of months ago, with my partner and our 6 month old baby. This is because I’m on maternity leave and my DP is training to do something else career wise, so we’re having to be careful with money. We were hoping to be here until September..

My grandma offered and said we could stay for as long as needed, we are so appreciative as we didn’t have much option other than to rent and hammer into savings.

Since we’ve lived here, my mental health has plummeted. We try to keep the house as tidy as possible with a 6 month old, I cook a nice home made meal every night for us all, do the shopping and be as respectful as possible but can’t help but think she is always trying to pick a fight. I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells constantly.

She makes hurtful comments often, she said I was fat because my jeans don’t fit after having the baby, said I care about no one but myself as I wasn’t sending photos of the baby fast enough to other family members, she watches like a hawk and will make comments about what I’m doing with the baby, how I’m weaning her etc. I’m so fed up.. last night she screamed at my partner because the baby woke up crying and he ran into the living room to turn the monitor off and said he didn’t want it to disturb her TV… she said she thought he was being funny with her. AIBU to think she’s being a bad person as she’s letting us live in her home and we’ve turned it upside down as a family???

If your grandmother is in use to do h
The things her way this is the standard bickering associated with the change.
Either, you are patience with it meanwhile you stay at hers of move.
Some people adapt in the middle but I don't think this is the case.
She is no awful, You are not unreasonable felling bad neither.

I'd put up with it until September. Think of the money you'll save. If you really can't do it, then find a cheap bed sit until then.

just count to ten, under your breath, smile sweetly
presumably she can cook, she was cooking before
i have been in your situation, it is tough but doable

Was the baby planned? Why would you have a baby when the circumstances are all wrong? Presumably your dp was entering training, or knew he was going to be training, prior to you deciding to start a family. Did it not occur to you that it was bad timing? Your gp offered to have you but probably didn’t foresee how difficult it was going to be and now regrets it.

You'll have to bite your tongue and do your best for another five months or move elsewhere.

Look on house sitting sites. Something might come up locally that suits - though you might have to feed some one's dog.

Also attend local church. Congregations tend to be people established in the town and someone could have an unused granny flat that they are willing to rent out,short term, to a person they know.

Why ask her if she wants you to move out? That's a tough question for her to answer. Because she may feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed.
If this living situation is making you stressed, then take action. Tell her that you're v grateful for all she's done and now you're going to spend a few months with DP family. That's it.
If you have options exercise them!

I think you need to go.
This is such a precious time and when you look back I wonder if all you'll think about is this tension and stress?
Your baby will pick up on this too.
You deserve to be happy, I appreciate its hard. This year will go so fast. Treasure it be happy elsewhere x

It’s hard to imagine in advance how difficult it can feel when your home is shared with others if you aren’t used to it. I’ve known this situation with young families moving back in with parents and it is a great strain. Worst, I think, for the hosts. Just make plans to move elsewhere and be very gracious to your grandmother.

Why is the only other option to move in with yet another relative?
why did you decide to have a baby if you can’t even keep a roof over your head?
time to grow up I think

I stayed at my nans once as a pit stop. It lasted a few days before it was unbearable. She had offered a few months originally.
i think they like us staying overnight but the thought of me living with her was too much. I found somewhere to rent pretty sharpish as she made it so awkward. It was only me but she was watching my every move and criticising everything, I imagine being older they like their own ways

Not everyone over a certain age gets dementia or suffers with their age.so ageist on mn.

i think the only thing you can do to stop the digs at you is just moving out.

She was generous and is trying to keep her word by saying no when you unfairly put the onus on her by asking her if she wants you to leave, when the right thing would be for you both, as adults, to return that generosity by moving out now that is clear you are overstaying your welcome.

She was generous but it is clear things are no longer working out. She tried, you tried, didn’t work, just move out.

Whichever overcrowded living situation you settle for, it will be a lot easier in the summer when you can spend more time outdoors

That sounds awful. Is there anywhere else you can stay before you and your partner are set up with your own place? Having a baby is hard! You don't need judgement and criticism. You need to feel safe in a space where you can rest when you need and be a mum to your baby in your own way.

Yes I agree with you. She is being awful, no doubt. I don’t understand how family can treat you like this. It’s a situation that I would embrace (and was ready to do so at one point). It’s not fair to your baby to be living in a stressful environment where there is screaming going on. I hope you get sorted but it sucks to be honest.

Seriously, I would move, I was in the same position 10 years ago (not my choice but ex husbands) we were living with MIL.

It was the worst experience of my life and I still have flash backs of her banging on our bedroom door and shouting.

This is not a good situation for your mental health or your baby, move out, you cannot put a price on your happiness.

Would you say the things that the OP's grandmother is saying to her though, no matter how difficult you might find it??

@PeachyGreen95 - your grandmother made this offer to you but unfortunately, unless you absolutely lose your temper at her, she will repeat, repeat, repeat her comments and behaviour.
The very next comment she makes about either you, the baby or your partner, call her out on it. Just because she is older doesn't mean that you have to put up with her mean and hurtful comments.
Say to her "Granny - you offered to open your home to us for, and I quote "as long as we needed". We really genuinely appreciate your kindness of giving us a place to stay. That said, since Baby was born, you've made countless comments, I've let way too many of them slide by but this is the absolute limit. If you don't want us here, tell us. We're not mind readers. I make a hot meal every evening for all of us, I'm doing my best to keep baby quiet but as they are a baby they don't understand, we're doing our best to prevent baby from crying but that isn't normal. Your comments are hurtful and mean. I won't have any body shaming comments or comments about how we're feeding baby. They stop right now. I don't want this to ruin a lovely relationship that I have with you and that I want you to have with your great grandchild. But we cannot take any more of these mean and unnecessary comments. What do you want us to do?"

Put the ball in her court and if she says she wants you to stay, then call her out every time she makes a mean comment. If she says she thinks it is time for you to leave, then you must make efforts to move out, to somewhere.

Stop being such an arsehole, if you have nothing useful to add then bugger off

Please move out now. Poor woman is stressed too. You said you have savings, renr a bedsit until September and then find something bigger when you are both back in work. Take some responsibility for your baby and family and stop relying on family members to house you!

As well as your comment being out of order, please please educate yourself on how to use the word ‘literally’.

Try and change how you react to her nasty comments. Instead of getting upset and telling her she's hurting you, raise an eyebrow and say a calm "Bit rude!"
Act like it's not affecting you. You know what she's saying isn't true, so don't give her the reward of a reaction.
If you can pull this off you might be able to put with staying there until you return to work and have more options.

Perhaps it's not about owing anything. If the grandmother offered, and the OP accepted the offer to share a hone temporarily, i would assume there was/is live and affection between them that will make the OP want to continue the close relationship they when this stress is over.

Yes, this. She probably didn't realise how stressful it would be when she offered.

This is unfair.

Poor woman is stressed - ok - but she’s being a really nasty bitch asking OP’s partner if he thinks op looks fat. She knows she’s being a bitch and she can get away with it as it’s her house.

it’s all very well saying take some responsibility - but people very often do move in with family members when there are gaps. We lived with PILs when we were waiting for our first house purchase to go through. We also lived with my mum when we’d sold one and there was a gap between completing the next. My db and his dw also lived
with mum for a (different) few months for the same reason.

I would try to get out asap op

I think that when you live with someone, you really see what they are like. And this woman is mean and cutting.