To think a family member is being awful, although we’re living under their roof?

[PeachyGreen95]

I moved into my grandma’s home a couple of months ago, with my partner and our 6 month old baby. This is because I’m on maternity leave and my DP is training to do something else career wise, so we’re having to be careful with money. We were hoping to be here until September..

My grandma offered and said we could stay for as long as needed, we are so appreciative as we didn’t have much option other than to rent and hammer into savings.

Since we’ve lived here, my mental health has plummeted. We try to keep the house as tidy as possible with a 6 month old, I cook a nice home made meal every night for us all, do the shopping and be as respectful as possible but can’t help but think she is always trying to pick a fight. I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells constantly.

She makes hurtful comments often, she said I was fat because my jeans don’t fit after having the baby, said I care about no one but myself as I wasn’t sending photos of the baby fast enough to other family members, she watches like a hawk and will make comments about what I’m doing with the baby, how I’m weaning her etc. I’m so fed up.. last night she screamed at my partner because the baby woke up crying and he ran into the living room to turn the monitor off and said he didn’t want it to disturb her TV… she said she thought he was being funny with her. AIBU to think she’s being a bad person as she’s letting us live in her home and we’ve turned it upside down as a family???

We were hoping to stay until September, my partner will be fully qualified by then and I will have returned to work so finances should be more steady. Every day I find myself struggling and becoming increasingly upset. The only reason we haven’t moved in with in-laws sooner is because they are selling and we didn’t think it would be appropriate to crash whilst viewings are going ahead. I think we may have to look for somewhere cheap to rent that will tide us over for a while until we are on our feet again. I knew it would be difficult moving in with a family member but I feel as though a lot of it can be avoided and some of the comments are unnecessary.

@YeahComeOnThen I think the jeans comment was out of spite.. I don’t think she would have said it if we didn’t live with her as she knows I’m being strict with what I eat. She proceeded to ask my partner if he thought I looked fat and she knew it would make me upset. There’s speaking your mind and then there’s being nasty..

I’ve asked her if she’d like us to speak to my partners family to see if we can move out ASAP and she said no.

You moving out isn’t her call, arrange new accommodation asap.

She really is a cunt.

@PeachyGreen95

Is there a suitable caravan park nearby where you and your little family can rent until September? 🌹

The combination of a six month old baby and elderly people is rarely a good one.

She will have expectations of baby care that are generations old and will worry you are not caring for the baby properly/meeting the social expectations from when she had her babies.

She also will really struggle with the baby crying.

Clearly some of her comments are way out of line, but equally she is being incredibly tolerant just having you there at all.

You do need to move out. It won't work long term and your relationship will be destroyed.

I'm talking about static caravans. Some of them are quite roomy and look comfortable. Worth doing some research? 🌹

@Luxell934 I wish it was 😂🤔

No, it doesn't. Troll hunting is banned, as well, so if you really thought it was made up you should have reported the thread, not posted.

If you’ve tried talking - and it sounds like you’re trying your hardest to be respectful in her home, I think you need to move out sooner rather than later. I’m guessing she had no idea or recollection of what it would actually be like having a tiny baby in the house again after so many years & is reacting badly to her routine being disrupted.
On your side, it’s a tricky time getting used to being a mum & getting to know your baby - but it should also be a really special time and this is being ruined. For everyone’s sakes, even if it takes some savings, you need to move out. Good luck :-)

She is obviously struggling with you living there. You need to move out for the ale of your relationship with her. This isn't fair on any of you.

Move out and rent or stay with your inlaws
Why did your partner think now was a good time to not be working?

Definitely time to go!

Will this affect your relationship with her? Id be really hurt if my nan said those things to me. Fat comments post baby are cruel for any generation

It sounds like she has narcissistic traits - constantly belittling you, creating problems out of nothing, and when you try to have an adult discussion about how she upsets you, she cries, therefore turning it back on you and making YOU out to be the bad guy. It's no wonder it's affecting your mental health - this is the effect narcissists have.
Sincerely, I hope you can find somewhere else to live.

Unfortunately you've put yourselves in the position of being dependent children in her house, so that's how she's treating you (alongside snappiness that suggests she's finding it hard). I'm not sure why you decided to do maternity leave and training at the same time without any funds, you must have known you would need to eat and pay bills?? Best thing would be to defer training until you get back to work, so that you can rent your own place straight away. Baby can still share with you at 6 months old though a 1 bed would be best so that you can have time to yourselves while the baby sleeps.

You have got funds though? Use your savings to rent through this tricky period. That's what they are for. I dont think an adult, with a child, and some savings, living rent free at a relatives is ever going to work out.

It is a huge upheaval f or her. it is must a huge imposition and quite tiring.
have a chat with her.
find out what she wants,

She sounds very unpleasant but it I assume she’s probably not happy with two adults and baby living rent free in her house.

Either move in with one of your parents or get your other half to pause his studies. It’s a strange time to be studying when you have a young baby. Really you should be living somewhere settled and working before the baby.

Eh? It ‘literally’ sounds made up?

No it doesn’t. But report it if you think it is.

I feel like there needs to be a support group for people who have moved in with elderly relatives due to the housing crisis.
I am in a similar situation, trying desperately to find a house but there is nothing, living with elderly family members, doing their cooking, cleaning, food shopping without much gratitude and some frankly unsettling behaviour.
It is very hard on your mental health. My kids are older so I get time off at least. I really hope you sort out something soon. My advice is to keep meals simple if possible and go for long walks to clear your head. It won't be forever!

supernova23 they are not living rent free. OP is cleaning, shopping for food and providing a home cooked meal every night. Ie a live in assistant. That would more than cover the rent.

Why don't you move out? It isn't working.

The rights and the wrongs aside, the only solution to this is to move out. Everyone would be happier for it, this hasn't worked out. Make the arrangements, then tell her kindly but firmly.

I wouldn't move in with partners family either, find your own place - whether it is temporary or permanent, the 3 of you together and get away from this person.

She is not nice, she is nasty