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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son was filmed using the toilet at school

203 replies

chrissycn · 15/04/2024 19:05

My 18 year old son is in 6th Form at our local high school. Today he was in a toilet cubicle when a gang of boys came into the room, they started kicking the toilet door, breaking the lock. My son held the door shut with his feet so they pushed a mobile phone through a gap and filmed him on the toilet. He reported it and an investigation has begun using school CCTV outside the toilet. They have narrowed down all the boys there at the time and will take their statements and check their phones.

I want to report this to the police but my son is very hesitant and he wants to leave school to deal with it. WWYD? AIBU to go against my son's wishes and report to the police? For full disclosure he is autistic and mentally younger than 18.

OP posts:
alcoholicsanonymous · 15/04/2024 19:07

I think you need to report it in case the images get spread online via social media.

DavidRosesEyebrows · 15/04/2024 19:08

In your position I would definitely call the police. The school should have already done it, but I can't say I'm surprised they haven't.

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 15/04/2024 19:08

I’d report to the police, that’s disgusting behaviour and needs nipping in the bud. That’s assault and I wouldn’t trust the school to deal with it to the fullest either. Poor boy, hope he’s not too traumatised.

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 15/04/2024 19:11

Jesus Christ what is wrong with kids these days. I'm sorry OP, that must be awful for your son, I would definitely report it to the police.

dammit88 · 15/04/2024 19:12

Yes id report to the police, your poor son

Thehalls191 · 15/04/2024 19:13

This happened at my DSs school. They came down like a tonne of bricks on the girls, police were involved and they were expelled.

If school don't involve the police then you definitely should.

WeShallHaveFogByTeatime · 15/04/2024 19:13

No ring the police.
Bit confused, how does a school have the power to "Check their phones" ?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/04/2024 19:14

It should be reported to the Police.
If it was in a bar, railway station, library, restaurant, changing rooms, theatre, anywhere actually, why would it be left to the establishment to decide what to do?

AuntieSoap · 15/04/2024 19:15

Police. Bypass school if necessary.
And I'm sorry for your son, that must have been terribly traumatic.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 15/04/2024 19:15

Yes OP report it to the police
Your son is scared of what may happen - however, longer term ad short term, best to report to cops as these types will post this crime on social media

How old were the other kids - does he know

DearAnt · 15/04/2024 19:17

I absolutely think the police should be involved but, as he’s 18, I think that needs to be your DS’s decision and I wouldn’t go over his head.

user8800 · 15/04/2024 19:20

Police

cocog · 15/04/2024 19:24

I would report to police, governors of school and ofsted. The school will deal quietly and cover it up. This will happen to another child next week otherwise. Very sorry this happened to your son this must be awful for him.

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 15/04/2024 19:25

WeShallHaveFogByTeatime · 15/04/2024 19:13

No ring the police.
Bit confused, how does a school have the power to "Check their phones" ?

It would be pointless anyway - it's so easy for them to have saved the photo elsewhere before deleting it fully off their actual phones.

What truly disgusting people. They deserve to be put on the sex offenders' register - it's hardly like you can do something like that accidentally or innocently.

soupfiend · 15/04/2024 19:25

I think you might not have the referral taken by police as he is over 18, they might, given you're saying it happened at a school

The school dont have powers to check pupils phones, they can certainly ask and instigate disciplinary procedures but without evidence it was them it will be hard, unless they find on CCTV and then can discipline

soupfiend · 15/04/2024 19:26

cocog · 15/04/2024 19:24

I would report to police, governors of school and ofsted. The school will deal quietly and cover it up. This will happen to another child next week otherwise. Very sorry this happened to your son this must be awful for him.

Ofsted?

Why?

BodyKeepingScore · 15/04/2024 19:27

cocog · 15/04/2024 19:24

I would report to police, governors of school and ofsted. The school will deal quietly and cover it up. This will happen to another child next week otherwise. Very sorry this happened to your son this must be awful for him.

Ofsted? Do you actually know what Ofsteds function is?

Hopingtobe4 · 15/04/2024 19:30

Sorry to hear this,your poor son. I think the police might be the correct protocol,these boys are also potentially 18 year old men and should know what they are doing is wrong.

Poorlymumma · 15/04/2024 19:32

I'm very sorry this happened to your son and hope he's ok.

I'd encourage him to report it to the police but I agree with a pp that it should be his decision.

The school haven't really told you what they are planning on doing as a punishment, just that they will be talked to and phones checked. I'd want to know what will happen after that.

LlynTegid · 15/04/2024 19:34

The police, but let the school know. If they are supportive they will help.

Dacadactyl · 15/04/2024 19:37

For those querying OFSTED...they look at safeguarding procedures. Surely in a college they'd want to be aware of incidents so that they can check procedures during next inspection. Also, if many incidents of a similar sort are reported, I believe it can trigger an inspection.

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 15/04/2024 19:39

BodyKeepingScore · 15/04/2024 19:27

Ofsted? Do you actually know what Ofsteds function is?

Show quote history

I do as I worked in schools inspected by them often enough.

The are the Office for Standards in Education. Three of the five areas they assess schools on are Behaviour and Attitudes, The effectiveness of safeguarding policies, and Leadership and Management.

This would fall into all 3 of these areas, and arguably ‘overall effectiveness’. It’s a very serious incident, especially as the victim has SEN. How the school deal with this should be flagged with OFSTED.

anonhop · 15/04/2024 19:40

Police! Frankly, assuming the boys that did this are 16-18, as a member of the public I don't want them to get away with it & enter the world behaving like that.
The police need to have a record of this so that they can protect people. It's actually doing a service to their future colleagues, friends, course mates etc to report this.

Agree they should be on the sex offenders register. And their parents should be mortified.

funinthesun19 · 15/04/2024 19:41

Dacadactyl · 15/04/2024 19:37

For those querying OFSTED...they look at safeguarding procedures. Surely in a college they'd want to be aware of incidents so that they can check procedures during next inspection. Also, if many incidents of a similar sort are reported, I believe it can trigger an inspection.

Exactly. Ofsted look at more than just how good the teachers are at teaching. They look at the wider picture, including safeguarding. And this is a massive safeguarding issue so…

PixiePirate · 15/04/2024 19:41

I’m sorry to hear this happened to your son.

I guess it depends what you and your son want to happen as a result. Do you have any reason to believe that the school’s investigation and actions won’t be line with their behaviour policy?

If it was my child, I think I would suggest to him that we wait for the outcome of the investigation and then take a view on the adequacy of the school’s response.