My son was filmed using the toilet at school

[chrissycn]

My 18 year old son is in 6th Form at our local high school. Today he was in a toilet cubicle when a gang of boys came into the room, they started kicking the toilet door, breaking the lock. My son held the door shut with his feet so they pushed a mobile phone through a gap and filmed him on the toilet. He reported it and an investigation has begun using school CCTV outside the toilet. They have narrowed down all the boys there at the time and will take their statements and check their phones.

I want to report this to the police but my son is very hesitant and he wants to leave school to deal with it. WWYD? AIBU to go against my son's wishes and report to the police? For full disclosure he is autistic and mentally younger than 18.

Yes report to the police. I understand your DS may not want you to but if these images spread around including online, then you going to the police will be the least of his problems.

The photographs are indecent. These boys have committed a criminal act.

FFS what is wrong with these kids to do something like this! Disgusting. So sorry for your son and any other kids who've had similar, i hope it gets dealt with.

This is beyond awful. Your poor son must be traumatised.

I strongly suspect I have undiagnosed autism due to its presence in my family and I had a bad time at school with bullying. I used to hide in a toilet cubicle a lot to get away from the other kids. It was my 'safe space.' I simply can't imagine the horror of having the kids trying to burst in and then filming me. It's a violation on every level. I'm so sorry that this happened.

They have tried to. It’s very difficult to stop. Especially when you have parents constantly texting/ringing their children all day and enabling the phone usage. When we take phones off students we get parental complaints constantly.

We are also constantly dealing with issues caused by social media outside of school that is then brought into school because children are being trusted with a world they are not old enough to navigate. It’s honestly a mess. It needs some central government legislation so schools have a clear directive.

I agree with everyone else. I think that you should try to convince your son that reporting this to the police is the appropriate thing to do.

I am so sorry that this occurred. I feel massive sympathy for him.

This was a ‘trend’ about ten years ago and the same things happened to my (also autistic) son. It was posted on Snapchat. The school dealt with it v well but it’s obviously an ongoing thing. I don’t really know how schools can prevent this sort of thing happening other than by having cctv everywhere and excluding students who are caught. But that fixes one problem and creates another.

Agree with involving the police. A boy was assaulted in the 6th form loos at my school many years ago by a gang of non-6th formers. The head later confided his regret at not having involved the police when his attempts to manage the incident and discipline the perpetrators were overthrown by those boys' parents.

Agree ,school will cover it up!

I'd involve the police, without hesitation. And I would question the school's handling if they have not done so already.

This also happened to my son, when he was in Year 7, similar needs. The scary thing is that we were led to believe it could be put on social media, (Snapchat, where messages disappear & screen grabs are reported to the person uploading the content). It wasn't, thankfully.

His school were excellent & contacted police straight away & told us we needed to do the same. In his case, he was not targeted, it happened to other DC too 😔

He was given a pass to use the disabled toilet, as a result.

Both my ASD YP say the toilets are the least safe space in a school. Neither used them at all (therefore wouldn't drink during day either). Luckily, school gave permission for them to use disabled or staff toilets (also creates bullying)

OP how are you today? How is your Ds? Have you heard back from School?
It's really hard to 'step in' once he is 18 but School / Police should be mindful of the fact that, with ASD, hes likely to be quite a bit younger socially than 18. Whether they will or not is a different matter. Thinking of you both x

I am so sorry your DS has had this happen to them.
Please report it to the police and report to the Chair of Governors and Safe guarding governor. They should help ensure the HT has taken proper action on this.

As a parent to autistic teens, I hope your son is OK and coping.

Your poor son.

A similar incident happened to my son when a bunch of bigger kids cornered my boy in the playground when he was about 13 and pulled his trousers and pants down front of other kids. The school did suspend the children who did it for one day but I really wish I'd reported it to the police as well. Especially as 10 years later the same kids are still nasty troublemakers.

I hope your son is ok.

Definitely contact the police. What a horrible thing to do. I hope your son is OK.

Do you know that the school have handled it badly.

Since we've banned them completely it's been so much better.
A reduction in this kind of incident.
Parents complain constantly of course.
We knew they would.

The fact you are asking whether you should report it, shows hesitation, which is right. Don't report it just yet, but go to school and say - 'no resolution in 2 days, I shall report it to the police'. This will give you the promptest resolution. If no resolution, report it on day 3.

100% report it to the police. The school should be doing this as well. It is a criminal offense and while I'm not saying children should be charged - they 100% need to know the extent of what they have done and that it is unacceptable.

Your son also needs to learn that you don't let bullies get away with things and that he is entitled to as much respect and privacy as everyone else.

Don't let this go! The impact of that on your son's self-esteem would be massive.

I'm so sorry, poor love. Hope he's feeling better.

This must be taken further - it didn't come out of nowhere, they've done it before and will do it or worse again.

The school need the support and also the message that this is a police matter, an offence committed on their watch. It's not a matter of choice, and covering up an offence could have consequences.

Taking this step now could also save the boys from prison later.

@BlackFriYay Rather mixed with how school handled things. They claim to understand autism but then their actions/responses show otherwise. SENCO in primary were amazing, but at secondary they've been MIA. Haven't been able to meet with them in person since first term in Year 7! He most definitely has experienced targeting from other students because of being ASD & there's been occasions when its taken a toil on him, and very much on us emotionally too.

But exams start in 4 weeks, so we can see a finish line. Then off to 6th form (or college, depending on his grades) for a fresh start elsewhere. He's 'survived' rather than 'thrived' secondary and I'd definitely take a different path if only we could go back in time.

If it came from central government they’d have less opportunity to complain to SLT. Many of them just see it as schools being petty without any understanding of the issues they are causing. I’m pleased your school has had the gumption to do it and is seeing positive results!

Absolutely no way do schools have more special powers other than everyone else does, as in "citizen's arrests".
I could confiscate your phone if I thought you had committed a serious offence.

I can't tell you how much better it is. Seriously.
I wasn't completely convinced but it's been amazing. Blanket ban, including 6th Form.
The behaviour round school is better and we're not wasting hours of time dealing with toilet filming like above, other sorts of filming, images, harassment, and bullying. A real improvement.

How does your school enforce it? Say a student has their phone out or they are “just replying to their dad so they know how they are getting home” or “just checking the time” or “just letting my mum know I’m going to after school detention” etc etc?

Curious as to how this blanket ban works. My school states students can have them on them but we should not see them at any point in the day. As the years have progressed this has turned into students having them for music at lunch to now openly texting in corridors and classrooms or videoing staff/ other students. In theory we are meant to remove them but students refuse (often supported by parents) and it is leading to more and more confrontation. It is also the practicality of where we store hundreds of phones on a daily basis.

It gets confiscated immediately and only returned to a parent.