My son was filmed using the toilet at school

[chrissycn]

My 18 year old son is in 6th Form at our local high school. Today he was in a toilet cubicle when a gang of boys came into the room, they started kicking the toilet door, breaking the lock. My son held the door shut with his feet so they pushed a mobile phone through a gap and filmed him on the toilet. He reported it and an investigation has begun using school CCTV outside the toilet. They have narrowed down all the boys there at the time and will take their statements and check their phones.

I want to report this to the police but my son is very hesitant and he wants to leave school to deal with it. WWYD? AIBU to go against my son's wishes and report to the police? For full disclosure he is autistic and mentally younger than 18.

Agree that this is a police incident however you only need to contact Ofsted if you are unhappy about how the school now deals with it. And as previous posters have suggested you will probably first be referred to to.the school's formal complaints procedure. But I hope that you will find out that they have dealt robustly with the culprits. It does sound like the are aware of this problem in the toilets (if not the previous incidents specifically involving your poor son) so fingers crossed for a positive outcome for him.

What a horrible thing for your ds to have been subjected to. I think you need to take his lead on this and the schools too. Perhaps they will go to the police themselves. For peace of kid, your ds needs to know the film has been deleted & not sent anywhere.

I'd ring the police. The schools seem to try to deal with things internally and issue a few detentions and think you'll be satisfied. I'd talk to your son and tell him they committed a crime and the police need to know to see if they can prosecute or give a written warning. These warnings stay with them and show up on a DBS check so it's quite serious to get one.

On ofsteds website they literally say they don’t deal with individual problems and take it up elsewhere. We had a school where teachers were utterly failing and the students were in danger and they basically shrugged and said wait til our next visit.

Sharing, without consent, an image of someone on the lavatory is now a criminal offence in the UK. Your son is legally an adult, so it's his decision whether he makes a complaint to the police.

Do you think he was targeted specifically? If so, you need to ask the school how they're going to protect your son when he's there. I'd leave it until you've spoken to the school tomorrow morning. If you're not happy with their actions, then ring the police.

Absolutely report it to the police.

These boys are bullies and it needs dealing with.

If the school haven’t dealt with it appropriately before then getting the police involved will also make them have to put tougher sanctions in place.

We had a very similar event and went to the police after the school were very mealy mouthed about it. Police could not have been better (and that’s something coming from me). They laid it out to DS about how it was criminal and what could have happened to the images - wasn’t nice but important to hear. They went to the school and spoke to the boys there, dragging the parents in straight away. The police also asked the school what the fuck they thought they were doing and in the schools defence the head hadn’t heard and made the windows rattle when he did.

its bloody horrible and I could wring their bloody necks. My aunt in her 80’s actually said the most reassuring thing to ds. There’s no shame in using the toilet, everyone does it. Obviously it’s private but even if everyone in the world saw it there’s no shame in it.

I wouldn’t go over your son’s head if it’s not what he wants. My eldest also has ASD and has been in similar unpleasant situations. I have to be guided by him on what he can handle (possible interviews, court etc..). 15/16 year old boys can be idiotic and this is a bad incident but do not take agency away from your son. Only he will have to deal with the ramifications. In an ideal world I would report everything but in reality it might make things worse for your son.

Your poor son and poor you. I have a sone with ASD he has had a few horrible moments but nothing like this.

Your son is very brave to want to go back as many adults would struggle. Remind him we all go to the loo but not everyone is so pathetic they film others doing it.

Poor boy, horrible - my god why aren't smartphones banned from all schools until kids leave for the day???

Sorry to hear about your experiences. We have had the same, also with our son who has ASD. He was targeted and we reported it to the police who were brilliant - which was surprising as we didn’t have much faith they would be.

I am chair of governors in a secondary school. We have changed all of our toilets to anti bullying toilets, which are floor to ceiling enclosed.
The only way governors can get involved is by following the steps in the complaints policy. As governors we do receive reports on these types of incidents, which thankfully are very rare, and we challenge the school to make school safe as we possibly can. This means that any children suspected to be involved in this type of incident would be permanently excluded and the police informed (working with the family).

💐 to all of us whose children have experienced horrible behaviour towards them by others.

Agreed. I hope your poor boy is doing OK. This is just vile.

What’s wrong with kids today.

Another vote for the police. 👍

The police would probably the best option to deal with the sex offenders.

POLICE. Without hesitation. Sounds like your son was targeted.

Do you know their names or does your son?

I’d name and shame them on the internet. Their parents should be ashamed of themselves and hopefully it would scupper any higher education or future job opportunities.

Spot on

Very true, the only difference is that people have devices to make recordings of their vileness on. Sadly there have always been cruel bullies, the only thing that has changed is that technology has given them more opportunities to cause harm

It is indeed a crime to take such videos. The school will have informed the police. You can find that out if they haven’t I would inform ofsted and the police.

I would also say police... but please be aware that might drag the whole thing out, so that any response/repercussions will be slower. Once the police are involved the school are on their timeline... the school can be told not to investigate, ask questions, or even admit they know anything until the police give them the go-ahead. Which could take weeks.

I think the school should learn the hard way that it is not their place to handle a criminal offence. And pupils should understand that such filming is actually illegal.

Bloody hell that's so aggressive

And very weird for that older teen age group

Your poor DS

That's so intimidating

What in earth was going through these boys heads

They're fucking insane

It's a form of sexual assault combined with the video

I can understand your DS just wanting to draw a line under it and forget it ever happened

But the police should be contacted to absolutely convey how utterly wrong their behaviour is