My son was filmed using the toilet at school

[chrissycn]

My 18 year old son is in 6th Form at our local high school. Today he was in a toilet cubicle when a gang of boys came into the room, they started kicking the toilet door, breaking the lock. My son held the door shut with his feet so they pushed a mobile phone through a gap and filmed him on the toilet. He reported it and an investigation has begun using school CCTV outside the toilet. They have narrowed down all the boys there at the time and will take their statements and check their phones.

I want to report this to the police but my son is very hesitant and he wants to leave school to deal with it. WWYD? AIBU to go against my son's wishes and report to the police? For full disclosure he is autistic and mentally younger than 18.

Smartphones are the devil as far as kids are concerned. Corrupting their minds, enabling them to act on their basest bullying instincts in ways that could and have had catastrophic consequences. Schools should ban them.

Sorry - but what a load of rubbish. What have you been reading?

There is no mention of the aggressors having any condition. (and so deserving of any sympathetic treatment)

"Infested with woke left wing staff"

What do you mean by woke?

How does who you may vote for affect how you react to an event such as on here?

How do you know that the school's reaction is "rarely typical"

Where do you get your evidence from?

What are your sources so that you can make such a statement?

I know schools may, wrongly, back pedal on events like this, usually unconsciously.....

A. Lack of staff/time to deal with it thoroughly and properly.
B. A hope that a good bollocking of the guilty will prevent a reoccurrence.
C. They can be slow to contact the victim's parents/poor or slow communication. (largely because of A above)
D. A reluctance to involve the Police because of a fear that it will blow up into a far bigger thing.

Sometimes as a parent, such as in this case, you may feel you have to do some legwork yourself.

Over my career I've worked with 100s of teachers, as colleagues and friends. There's only one that I knew for sure of her political allegiances - she was a Tory Councillor.

These boys are 18 and old enough to know better. I think you should inform the police about this incident. It's quite serious. If they get away with this who knows what they could do next.

You must report it. I am PMing you.

I think I'd report that to the police. I might run it by the school first to get their take on it and make my decision then.
The fact that it was a group of boys is pretty scary I think. Possibly one or two ring leaders with others going along. The others might be taught a lesson by the police being called, the seriousness of that. The ring leaders, it may be a notch on a long list for them or it might result in them getting the attention they need to stop this behaviour. Either way I think it should go an an official record so if it happens again, it's not their first time doing it to someone.
Just because he was a boy doesn't make it more acceptable to have that done to him. The fact that he has autism means he needs support and be shown it's definitely not ok to treat anyone like this, autism or not. The filming especially will be taken seriously. I mean maybe it's not even their first time doing this to someone?

I agree. Your poor son. School staff need to protect him better and have a support plan for him for the rest of his time there.

We aren't talking about 15 and 16 year old lads, these are adults and therefore should be treated as such.

Your poor son. I think the police are needed. At least to hopefully ensure that the videos are never put online.

I would also ask the school about him being allowed to use a single toilet with a lock - if it exists. Because if I was him I wouldn't be able to use the loo at school.

Jesus that's absolutely awful! And then people wonder why so many parent scrimp and save for private.

I'm so sorry your son is going through this, I really am. I hope you can go to the police and that you also get a proactive response from the school.

I'd try and talk it through with him - say you'd prefer the police so it is dealt with and the school has no choice but to do something - find out what his worries are as he's not far off exams - at 18 I'm assuming it's final A-level exams soon.

Few years ago I would have been all gun ho and reported to police but a vulnerable elder extended family member had theft and family reported to police - no chance of money being recovered and despite video evidence of family members cards being used - thief claims had permission and vulnerable elder have been disorientated enough for police involvement due to infections they say can't prove he didn't in mean time thief made series of allegations clearly to save themselves which they now have to interview family member about. The family member who reported I'm closer related to and their health is now adversely affected as well - as it's not gone as they expected at all it a huge mess.

I've also has a likely ND child deal with allegations during exam periods and very nearly derailed them.

So I would have a conversation - what are the worries are they actually a realistic concern and can the school mitigate them and actually would they do so.

I would also -email and ask the school if the police have been informed - and think long and hard if can this wait till after the exam period to be reported -possibly it can't wait not but added stress in a-level exam period not good either.

My DD2 won't use school toilets for this reason - toilet doors being kicked in and filming which she seen happen to others - so restricting them to point they are essentially closed hasn't impacted her as much as expected. It's part of a wider discipline issue school isn't really getting on top of.

Why wouldn't the school want the police to deal with this?

Victim 18
Perpetrators 15/16 as stated in follow up post

Something similar happened to my son at school last year. It was immediately reported to the police by the school and they took the other boy's phone to go through it to see what was recorded. School investigated, checked their own CCTV (they have them in the toilets) and nothing was found on the boy's phone. However by the time the teachers actually got to his phone, it could have easily have been stored in a cloud elsewhere.

School said that "whilst we cannot absolutely guarantee nothing inappropriate was recorded, we have taken all reasonable steps to satisfy ourselves that nothing was". And that was that. We were told that should my son find any filming was being circulated then he should report it to the school, and they would involve the Police. Like another poster has said, he is also ASD and unfortunately they are a target for so much unpleasantness at school.

I would one hundred percent go to the police about this, no shadow of a doubt. Your poor son. I'm so angry for him. Are you OK OP? You must be so upset.

I have an autistic DS in a special needs school and his teacher was excitedly telling me she's sure he will be ready for mainstream come year 7. Selfishly, I can think of nothing I want less. Our children are vulnerable and those little shits are like vultures 😔

I hope they're put on the sex offenders register, unlikely but one can wish. At the very least they need to be arrested.

What do you mean by woke?

I assume MarieG10 means anything right wing bigots don’t like.

There is every possibility the school WON’T report it to police or “LADO” to protect themselves. Schools often minimize and hide things they make them look bad.

You are obligated to report this. Obligated.

@BlackFriYay My ASD son is now in Year 11 and honestly we wish we'd never sent him to Secondary, so really consider whether this will be the best option for yours.

He was in Year 7 when the first lockdown started so the first couple of years were all over the place. Start of Year 9 I wanted to remove him as he'd had so many bad incidences, but my DP wouldn't agree. By Year 10 he'd come around, but we were so far down the path of GCSE's etc at the point, that I thought it would be detrimental to do so, so we've carried on. But If I could go back in time, I would definitely had home-schooled him.

Police and School Governors need to be informed.

Schools are notorious for covering incidents of bullying or assault up, they don't want to take the reputational hit..they will inevitably try and get away with ' lack of evidence' or an apology from the offenders.

Unfortunately things may get worse before they get better ( reprisals, revenge etc) but this incident needs reporting to it's fullest, as does any other fall out.

@TheHouseElf I'm so sorry, it's just awful isnt it?😞

I'm more than happy to try my hand at home education. I have a few years to plan, thankfully.

His half brother is also autistic as is their dad (my ex) and both of them have had a really bad time of it in school. I've got talking to lots of people over the years who have reported the same for their ASD children. It breaks my heart.

How is your son doing? How have the school been handling the incidents?

This is definitely a police matter.

If your son went to the loo at (eg) a train station or a shopping centre and some people kicked the door down and tried to film him without his consent, you would 100% be calling the police. The fact that this happened in a school doesn't make it any less serious.

Filming someone without their consent in a setting where there is a clear expectation of privacy (such as a toilet cubicle, a hotel room or changing room in a shop) is a criminal offence, and the aggravated by the victim being in a state of undress. It's not 'just' bullying or 'just' a nasty prank. It's a crime.

Just another excellent reason for banning mobile phones altogether during the school day.

Definitely report it to the police.

Don't trust the school to report it to them.

I know from experience that you need to report it to the governors separately too, as the head teacher may try and cover it up.

Your son may be 18 but he has autism so you should be involved in doing this!

Definitely call the police, which as others have said the school should have done. So hard for your boy but it needs to be dealt with. So sorry you are going through this.

You have absolutely no idea what the school will do. They may actually have already involved the police…it’s pretty common with indecent photos.

Whenever there are threads moaning about the lack of human rights in schools because staff have taken the decision to lock toilets. This is why. This lot are 18 and should know better! Imagine what happens in lower school.