to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

Given that over a third of the UK population have dogs it’s very odd that you don’t know any at all!

At a BBQ people are likely to have arrived through the front door (not everyone has side access) and then would need to go in and out to use the loo!

I don't know if it's a regional thing but I don't anyone who has a shoes off house. That's in Scotland

Me neither, I'm in the NE.

When I had a cream carpet (it was there when we moved in!) people used to take their shoes off in my house but I never asked, or wanted them to. I had a dog and a garden- your shoes ain't gonna make much difference -be comfortable!

I'm a shorty too op and would've put my fabulous shoes back on and went somewhere more welcoming.

Ah see in my place there is both side and rear access and outside workroom with a loo. So no need for people to be inside. Although they can access the conservatory from garden but doors locked the other side to stop people traipsing through house ( usually the ones who have brought uninvited kids and let them run loose)

when we first starting asking people over 40 years ago they took offence - but in the last 10 years or so, people like eltricians, plumbers and guests can see how clean the real wood floors are and take the shoes off themselves. Re tradespeople, one or two gave a look but then pulled out shoe covers they had on them - now i offer shoe covers to traders but most say no thanks shoes off. However, one has sweaty feet and left marks all over the dark, real wood floors

shoes may look clean but dont forget where that dog and cat mess goes when people step into it then it rains a bit

This irritates me too. Shoes are often part of an outfit. Fine to be a shoes off house, and expect every day guests to take shoes off but for a party it's weird. It's not as if people turn up with sparkly dresses and wellies on - people wear shoes that are generally clean.

I'd much prefer shoes than peoples bare feet 🤢 I assume not many guests would be wearing socks at a formal event?!

Totally getting Amanda from Motherland vibes off this!

Shoes on here and that is standard for almost everyone I know, but if people prefer to take their shoes off when they come to us they are welcome to. Personally I'm more concerned about the comfort of my guests than worrying about a carpet.

Yes I've been to similar where we all turned up to be told "no high heels" at the door. Which resulted in pretty much every woman being barefoot, scampering away from men in dress shoes in case they got trodden on.

She shouldn't host a cocktail party at home if she can't stand people wearing shoes! Hire a venue...

I would have kept my shoes on. Hate the sticky feeling when drinks get spilled on the floor.

This irritates me too. Shoes are often part of an outfit. Fine to be a shoes off house, and expect every day guests to take shoes off but for a party it's weird. It's not as if people turn up with sparkly dresses and wellies on - people wear shoes that are generally clean.
Same here.
Shoes off works fine for day to day guests, even friends round for dinner, but hosting a more formal party where people are likely to have put effort into a more dressy outfit is something I'd expect people to have their shoes on for.
Plus if people are wearing party shoes then they're probably going to be barefoot when shoes are removed, which is worse to me.

I thought of Amanda too! This scenario is too ridiculous for words!

I respect the habits of my friends with shoeless households, but none of them have given a formal party at home. The shoeless formal party seems odd to me as great shoes are a fun part of dressing up.

Furthermore in the photo ops we see of dignitaries in the family quarters (as opposed to the offices) of royal residences, No 10, the White House, etc, virtually everyone is notably shod. I am not British but I wonder if there is a class element to the Shoe Dichotomy? OP, was your hostess truly posh or just wealthy?

Glad it’s not just me 😆

I think you have an odd definition of madness. Expecting everyone to levitate or walk around on their hands would be madness. Wearing shoes with a formal outfit is perfectly ordinary behaviour.

Are you Amanda? Have you just outed yourself?
Just kidding BTW, before anyone with no SOH tries to work it out...

All the posters who say they never ever see it, you know no one (and never see anyone) who is Japanese, Canadian, North African or any of the cultures where this is the norm?

It was normal in my very working class Scottish parents' home. And my parents neither have OCD, nor are they 'weird'. They wouldn't have insisted at a party, but day-to-day it was 'shoes off'.

If you really think about shoes and what they go through and homes and what they should be, it makes sense.

Yep I agree with this.

Ok seems to be just me who takes her shoes off at the door, mind you I also have been known to take formal shoes off at parties in venues , much prefer bare feet!

Ooooh class has been brought in 🤣💥💣

Doubtful the host was truly posh, or truly wealthy/cash rich. Proper poshies IME (been in more vair wealthy households than ive had hot dinners) would never dream of asking guests to take their shoes off when they just get the carpet cleaned when needed.

They are the proper length if she wants to wear them with heels. I have trousers that are the right length for flats/trainers (generally these are ones I've taken up myself, as I'm quite short), and wide legged trousers that are the right length to wear with heeled boots, but would drag on the floor in flats.

That's against the law if they are working, so I rarely do this as I don't know you, but I call BS.
No workman is going to remove his safety boots while working, they do generally use plastic slip on covers if asked and it's safe to do so. An example of not safe to do so, would be using a ladder or step.

I would have assumed it was shoes off given that it was in someone’s house. I have never gone into anyone’s house without taking my shoes off.

Very bad manners. A good host does not expect guests to remove shoes. Never been asked, fortunately my friends have good manners.

Nope merely said about my setup so I obviously hadn't thought why people would need to be in and out of a house at a bbq

I do feel for you in being uncomfortable with no shoes in your outfit. But I don't think it necessarily follows the host was unreasonable not to mention it beforehand. This is often the case at a party in someone's home so I don't think an explicit warning was necessary.

Also she was raising money for charity on her own time. I am guessing she is not a professional party planner so I would cur her some slack in any case.