to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

Why? Haven't been to a house party where you don't take shoes off, it's the norm. We like everyone I know take shoes off at the door. Doesn't everyone

Personally, I think it's extremely bad form to make people take their shoes off at all for a formal party, but if a host is going to do that, then of course they should warn people. It's really bad manners not to warn people, for all sorts of reasons including the one you mention yourself.

But they would have walked outside to go to places.

After getting a verruca from a similar situation a few years back, I now keep a pair of ballet flats in my car. I'm just not walking barefoot for anyone.

No 😆

Even tradesmen take shoes off automatically here, where are you living? Is it a north south thing?

Nope! I keep my shoes on, don’t care

But Formal party, formal outfits, obviously shoes!

^^This

And it's definitely rude not to inform guests beforehand,

What floors were they? And it if not carpet, then no need to be shoeless

Must have been a bit odd for the men to all be in socks too!

YANBU but on MN you have to assume its shoes off.

In real life, in 40+ years, I've only ever been to one shoes off house and that was my aunts. If I go to someone's house I've never been to before I always ask "shoes off?" before I go in and get looked at like I've asked the most ridiculous question ever.

I always have a small childs paddling pool at the door for guests to traipse through, in case any of them have verrucas.

Of course we still issue Covid Masks (we've got a ton of those!) but with a small holes poked through for a straw so that they can enjoy their cocktails / champers. 🍾

Shoes indoors of any description is grim as hell. We're shoes off and I would expect any event in a house to be the same.

It wouldn't occur to me that I couldn't wear my shoes. I find the whole idea bizarre.

Really? I don't think I know anyone who keeps shoes on in their house.

I wondered this. I've never been to a house where people kept shoes on. Workmen all take off shoes or put shoe covers on here. I'm South.

I think it's bad hosting. You shouldn't be expecting your guests to be uncomfortable or spoil their outfits.

What's so great about sweaty feet anyway??

Shoes off is such an odd choice; I don’t know anyone with that rule in real life and definitely not at a party.

people’s bare feet on my
carpet gives me
more of the creeps

No.

I don't know any house that make visitors take shoes off. And it's really rude to expect guests to at a party.

I agree with this!

(and yuck to bare feet, with all the flaky skin, bits of nails and verruccas).

Yes, me too.

We are a shoes off house, but I do warn people of this in advance if they've not been to my house before, to avoid situations like this. I also keep a stock of hotel-style slippers and always offer them to guests, most people decline but some people do accept, especially in winter.

If the host is kind enough to open their home you should respect their floors.

Honestly not an issue for me

I find it so weird that you have to take your shoes off for a formal event. An informal, just hanging out get together I can see it. But what's the point of wearing something dressy then flopping around in your bare/socked feet? So odd.

I plan on getting new carpet in my living room soon, and if I do have a formal event I'm going to either buy a rug I can use to lay over the carpet or provide some wipes that people can use to clean the bottom of their shoes off before they walk on the carpet.

I would not have been pleased!
I prefer shoes off in a house, but not if I'd dressed up.

I did go to one party where it said ‘bring your own slippers’ but I thought that was a bit odd.

It’s also very strange to ask guests to wipe their shoes