to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I agree. Some people will feel uncomfortable exposing their own feet, others might find it off-putting having to walk barefoot with lots of other shoeless people in a small space.
I also wonder what formal outfits would look like with bare feet or socks. It’s all just awkward and uncomfortable.
Taking your shoes off at a friend’s house is one thing, but at a formal event?

A shoes off event is definitely casual not a posh event and I would go in jeans.

We don't wear shoes in our own home but I don't expect visitors to take theirs off - If they start taking them off I say the only people required to take shoes off are those who are likely to climb on the furniture - if you're just going to sit and chat without gymnastics you're fine to keep them on.

Yanbu op - knowing you can't wear shoes is a vital piece of clothing-decision info!

I agree about the furniture Aspect. Most of our child guests slip their shoes off and I like this as they tend to play up in the bedrooms where we have carpet, or sit on furniture with feet tucked under little bottoms. But most of our adult guests couldn’t sit like that if they wanted to🤣.

@celticprincess Exactly.And note my earlier point too about a sudden fire, premises plunged into darkness, everyone scrambling for shoes, some having to sit to put them on

All the people worrying about a bit of wholesome mud and damp must have led very sheltered lives about what people can shed from their feet.... forgot to mention the very common fungal infrction, very contagious athlete's foot, everyone's skin cells, verukahs etc.

And perhaps they haven't heard of doormats 🤔

Surely spilt food and drink is a greater threat to carpets than a bit of dirt which can be easily hoovered.

Only it’s often not wholesome mud and damp! Even if dog mess has been cleaned up , traces remain, plus dog pee, not to mention some filthy person’s spit etc, and I don’t want shoes that have walked on that in my house. A door mat wont remove that, and I don’t intend to shampoo frequently.

This happened to me. Luckily, I did not live far, so I went home and got shoe covers, which I keep under my sink for workers, put them on and went back into the party with my high heels and shoe covers. (The host was fine with it.)

I'm in Scandinavia. Almost no-one has carpet but still everyone takes their shoes off inside.

I'm so sorry meant to say in my original.message YANBU OP, çheck all my spellings then miss that vital bit 🙄

I have mobility issues that are well hidden, unless I am barefoot. I have difficulty walking without my shoes, some of which are specially made. I even keep shoes by my bed so that even for a quick trip to the loo, I am shod. I think there are more people like me than you would think. I've never encountered a venue public or private where shoes were forbidden, but if I did, I would have to leave and not participate in the event.

YANBU

I think it was quite rude of her to make people remove shoes when they are removing formal wear. Would have felt uncomfortable in this situation. She's obviously not comfortable with lots of people being in her house so she should have hired a hall or venue.

I would remove shoes if I went for coffee and there was a carpet. I wouldn't remove my shoes if it is a non-carpetted floor or a kitchen. I don't wear shoes in my house but I would never ask someone to removing shoes. It's rude. As a previous poster said, if you do this you value your own floors (which can be cleaned) over a guest's comfort.

I once heard of a woman who made guests wear shoe covers in the house!

I wonder if the people buying these know that a nice pack of unopened mens socks would save the need to clean boots 😂

I don’t think it’s rude, or valuing the floors over guests. Floor coverings are expensive, plus who wants to vacuum or shampoo carpets after every gathering? The guests aren’t going to suffer discomfort - I think it’s inconsiderate of visitors not to offer to remove footwear, and they should bring some slippers ,indoor shoes or slip ons if they don’t want to go without footwear and have their bunions on display! There’s a middle ground here. Nothing to stop guests inquiring beforehand if shoes will need to be removed. If yes - fine , bring indoor footwear. If no - fine!

You could have indoor shoes for such occasions!

Floors are for people.
People are not there for floors.
Some people just value possessions over any other consideration.

No, I think it's on the hosts to let guests know if they have a house-rule like this.

If it matters to you so much that you'd tell people to remove shoes if they didn't realise, then you need to be pro-active and give them the heads-up first.

We're talking about a dress-up fundraising event, not a casual house party.

Vacuuming is hardly a big deal, and as for shampooing - it seems excessive, people wouldn't be turning up knee-deep covered in mud for a posh do 🙄. Pretty likely you'd have to hoover after an event with food and drink anyway.

Invitation: We would like to invite you to our charity event. Formal attire please. But no shoes.

Never seen such a thing in my life.

Invitation: We would like to invite you to our charity event. Formal attire please.

Guest thinks - oh I'd better ask if I can keep my shoes on.
Host: What?!

Also never seen such a thing in my life.

It's OK for floors to get a bit grubby. Guest attending a posh party are unlikely to have mud or dogs mess on their shoes. If they had picked some up, they'd probably want to clean them. A bit of rain? That's what door mats are for.

Has anyone truthfully been to a party where they've worn a lovely outfit and all the guests have been in overshoes or bare/stocking feet?

No, never, @CharlotteBog . The last one I went to was an engagement party and people were dressed up. All wore shoes.
Common sense would say that those kind of shoes aren't going to be particularly dirty!
A bit of dirt? That's life! Clean it up.

They ARE going to suffer discomfort. You're not even accounting for medical conditions, let alone the fact that many, many people have said they wouldn't feel comfortable without their shoes on.

Of course you care more about your floor than how you're making anyone feel.

You could have indoor shoes for such occasions!

I don't need them. Happily for me, no one I know refuses to accommodate my disability.

I wonder, do these precious floor folks refuse to allow a wheelchair that has trod the dirty earth to enter their homes, or do they require people to have special indoor wheelchairs?

They don’t have to go without shoes, though! They can bring comfy indoor shoes with them.

What if the indoor shoes may have once, inadvertantly, touched the ground outside? Do you think people should line up and have the soles inspected?

I have never in my life considered putting slippers in my bag to go to a house party. No one has ever asked me to bring slippers either. I go to a lot of house parties too. I'm not treated like a contaminant on the vast majority of occasions.

Besides, I wouldn't be allowed my slippers according to your rules because I take the bins out/nip to the car in them 🤷‍♀️

The question of whether outside shoes should be worn inside is a favourite of many forums, but from what I’ve read, the overwhelming response seems to be in favour of removing shoes. There’s some silly responses, that’s to be expected, but imo it boils down to common sense and courtesy.

OP refers to this as a posh event. Can't have been very posh if they were making people take their shoes off.