to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

Do people have cubby holes in their halls for everyone's shoes at parties like at bowling, what happens at a party if you are popping in and out of the garden in the summer. If no cubby holes are you expected to carry your shoes around or just leave in a massive shoe pile.

I wouldn't say no shoes when inviting, but would have no problem if I found out when I got there. Not sure this is so outrageous that it warrants a post!

Even in a shoes off house though I'd never expect this to apply to a formal party!

Going round a close mates for a takeaway and chat, usually already wearing comfy clothes - yes I'd take my shoes off (but wouldn't care either way if they did or did not at my house).

Hosting a formal party with lots of people who don't know each other, otherwise all dressed up I'd think it incredibly rude to expect them to remove part of their outfit!

Apart from anything else usually when there are lots of people in a house party dont people spill out into the garden for extra room/but of breathing space/cheeky fag? Also a bigger party - more potential for spillages. Nothing says "fun party" like wandering around in slightly wet socks after stepping in the overspill from someone's wine glass. Even worse if someone smashes something -it's impossible to do a proper clean up when you have a full room of guests.

assume shoes off people think soles of shoes are disgustingly dirty but I'd personally prefer a bit of mud than people's bare sweaty feet on my floor!

I would have left, no chance no way I'm risking verruca or foot fungus, it's vile to expect anyone to take shoes off. Utterly vile.

I never wear shoes at home, but don’t expect any guests to do the same. I’ve never been asked to remove shoes in someone’s house, but would do quite happily.
But in all my many decades on this planet I’ve NEVER been asked to tale my shoes off for a party where you’re expected to dress up, totally ridiculous! No stiletto’s ( if anyone still wears the God awful things ) is fair enough on hard floors, but no shoes at all?
Who is she, Amanda from Motherland?

I think it's horrific. An outfit includes shoes.

I can't bear all this "no shoes indoors" stuff. I don't understand why people do it.

Yup really. I have been wracking my brains and genuinely can’t think of another household I know with a shoes off rule. Growing up a couple of friends houses did but generally just for us kids as we’d have been out getting them dirty in the park or fields.

Do none of the people you know have dogs? Absolutely pointless having a shoes off rule is you do.

And what do people do if you’re having a bbq or other gathering where people go in and out? Do they have to carry their shoes around with them taking them on and off?

It was in someone's home so there is a fair chance that shoes would be required to be removed.

Same here. Absolutely not.

What happens if somebody drops a glass and everyone's milling about in their stockinged feet?

We are strict shoes off household (because eww gross) but never for parties for this reason - people plan outfits with shoes in mind!

I would never make someone take their shoes off in my house, no one has ever offered to take their shoes off in my house and I have never been asked to take my shoes off in anyone else's house. Why would you want loads of smelly scabby feet on show. Smells and feet skin everywhere! 🤮🤮

I think providing wipes is very odd to be honest. Just have the carpet cleaned, honestly it’s no big deal.

Came to say the same thing. I think it's strange to have a party and make people stand around in bare feet / socks.

Please tell me there wasn't a bucket of communal slippers?! I'm shoes off, but I would never expect anyone to take shoes off, particularly at a formal event. What if I wasn't wearing tights / socks and had a verruca / athletes foot etc?

Shoes are important, men in socks would look daft, women who have adjusted their trousers to deal with heel height etc.

Fine for a casual get together IMO which I know it isnt for others, but not for a formal event.

Very good point re dogs!

To me it’s just good manners to remove your shoes! You may have floors that are easily cleanable , but who wants to mop, vacuum, shampoo them after visits? Guests may have been walking on streets where dogs have pooed and urinated, amongst other savoury spills. I always take my shoes off, and I’ve rarely had to ask others to take theirs off.

Maybe the feet are in that state because they are enclosed in shoes all the time?

You don't have many Asian friends then?

Or people with cream carpet.

Absolutely.

Same.

No I don't know anyone who has dogs. And why would people be going in and out of the house during a BBQ.

I love these threads 🤣

Tbh if someone started taking their shoes off at my door I'm not sure how I'd react. If I said "no need" what if they did it anyway? 😩 Then I'd be in the position of having to check they are wearing socks or saying "please god don't smear your sweaty sticky athletes feet all over the place"

Really grim.

I'm afraid it's you. If it's at someone's home, I would assume there's a high possibility of shoes off.

For a party/formal event, it’s rude to have this expectation.
Was everyone else wafting around glamorously in a 5 ft 9 way?

Formal event or not, I wouldn’t expect to wear shoes in someone’s house, that’s madness.

What if the person has carpet in their house? Do you really expect to wear shoes? (Question for those that have commented, not you OP)