to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

It’s not like they’d have been traipsing through shite though. They would have been wearing shoes only worn for special occasion.

I'd put some kind of floor protection down if I were hosting a big party.

I'd expect to be warned. Would choose different shoes perhaps.

I only know two people who don't have this as a norm in their house (and both have carpets). Every one of the teenagers that come to my house remove their shoes without thinking; their households remove their shoes too. I've never even mentioned it to 90% of them. I always say I will miss the mountain of shoes when my boys move out :-D

But surely it's very odd to host a formal party that's was shoes off?
If people were expected to dress in formal wear as it sounds in this case up making them take off their shoes at the door is very strange.
I wouldn't have expected it . I think the host should have told people to take indoor shoes if she was so precious about her carpets. Formal wear and no no shows is a strange look!

I'd expect that if I was going to someones house that I'd be expected to take my shoes off, so I probably wouldn't even think to mention it if inviting people to mine!

I can't think of anyone I know who wears shoes in the house, seems a really alien concept to me!

Nor do I, it's not a regional thing, it's a MN thing

YABU to not have had your trouser hems raised to a proper height in twenty years.

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

YANBU. That's the very least the host could have done. But the sort of people who invite you over and then stop you at the door and make you take your shoes off are not naturally good, considerate hosts.

Was there any dress code on the invite? If I were in someone’s house I would take my shoes off unless they said differently

It's not a MN thing.

I'm in Scotland. I don't ask people to take their shoes off at the door (I take mine off), but most people do as a matter of course. I've even had workmen take their shoes off without me saying a word.

I think I'd always assume shoes off at a house party but then most parties I go to are pretty casual.

I wouldn't base an outfit around shoes for a house party for that reason.

Unless your guests are wearing wellies or hobnails, or you are Japanese, you do not expect guests to remove shoes in your house.

A tinea festival.

Who has a "formal event" in socks or barefoot.

It should have been stated before hand,so someone shorter than you OP if I had got all dressed up, I need my heels to feel finished off. My outfit would be different if I knew I couldn't wear heels.

I'd rather guests take their shoes off and for that reason, I'd have assumed there was a possibility of no shoes.

I've never known any house where there is a Shoes off policy

I would have turned around and gone home.

I agree with this.

My work means I visit a lot of people in their homes, from all walks of life and from tiny studios to massive mansions - I always say ‘ooh, I’ll take my shoes off’ and the vast vast majority of people tell me not to bother. Maybe 5 per cent do? So I’ll always ask but on this occasion I’d be surprised if they had a home grand enough for a formal do and not appropriate guest area with flooring that can withstand shoes tbh.

That said, no I don’t think they should have put it on the invite - cos that would be really weird.

I must say that I also thought of Carrie Bradshaw after reading your post!

We are a shoes off household and don't really host many parties but I can't imagine hosting a 'formal party' then making people take their shoes off, it seems a bit ridiculous.

I've got visions of people shuffling about in evening wear with bare feet, tights and socks

Can't stand shoes indoors so I'm with the host on that and YABU to detest Carrie Bradshaw. She's great

It’s extremely poor manners to invite someone to a party and then make them take their shoes off.

I think it’s bad hosting, and poor manners. Anyone prepared to throw a formal fundraiser party should have better manners than to make their guests go barefoot.

i don’t know any shoes off downstairs houses. Upstairs or in a carpeted room possibly, but kitchens and sitting rooms are guest areas and no one I know would make a guest remove their shoes.

I would not expect a posh party to mean everyone standing around in suits and socks or cocktail dresses and heels. Shoes are an important part of a dressy outfit and I would have had a face on me OP.

NOT a posh party

Wearing socks or tights or being barefoot means not posh

Everyone would have looked ridiculous

I'd have gone home