to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

That’s slightly circumventing the issue which is removing them for formal events. I’m not sure an overwhelming response in favour of shoeless formal functions is likely. Being at home watching tv, for example, is a completely different thing.

@Bignanna it's funny how we are reading the same thread and getting totally different conclusions from it.

From the poll and from the answers, I would say that most people agree with OP and think it's really unreasonable/awful to invite people around to your house for a posh /formal charity event and once they arrive in their gladrags, ask them to take their shoes off.
It's actually really fucking rude and the host is putting their flooring above people and making them feel awkward. They are being terrible hosts.

Genuinely, I don't know how you can think anything else regarding the circumstances for this event. In my whole life, any posh / formal event that I have been invited to, whether it's in someone's house or elsewhere, I have never ever been asked to remove my shoes.

In everyday life, I don't remove my shoes nor do I ask my guests to, but that's probably because we have hard floors downstairs

I know a couple of people that insist on shoes off but they are very much the minority. The fact that shoes off houses tell you to take them off as soon as they open the door tells you that most people are shoes on. If the norm was shoes off then you wouldn't have to tell everyone that comes to your house.

I never feel comfortable in shoes off houses as I always feel that they are more interested in their furniture than me. Also they don't tend to have pets which is something I find odd, animals make homes complete.

It's not "odd" not to have pets.
I don't want the smell and the mess.
I have a lovely home, it's very welcoming and I don't care if you keep your shoes on or take them off. My flooring will cope, as will I.

I’m not just talking about this thread, but I’ve seen similar threads on different forums and they seemed to favour the shoes off, and take an opposite view to you in that its considered disrespectful NOT to remove shoes. I don’t think anyone thinks their floors are more important than people, but I can understand why hosts prefer their guests to remove their shoes unless they have some horrible foot condition , or disability. It’s no hardship to take along some indoor shoes if you don’t want others to see the holes in your socks.

It's probably not "odd" not to have pets but I think it's a little sad. Pets enrich your life so much.

You can only speak for yourself.
My life has enrichment. I don't like dogs at all, and wouldn't want a cat.
Like I said, mess and smell. But each to their own.

You're the one that's missing out...

Oh for goodness sake!
I hate dogs, ok? The jumping up, slavering, growling, barking, biting, pissing and shitting everywhere.
I cannot imagine how they would enrich anyone's lives, let alone mine, but I will say it once more:
each to their own

I hear dogs speak very highly of you.

They do. I am a lovely person 😇

Lovely people don't "hate" animals.

I love sloths. Wouldn't have one in the house though.
Oh, and my auntie's budgie.

🙄

@Bignanna

And that's where we will have to disagree.

I have been asked probably 5 times or less to remove my shoes. I just think it's really rude and I will definitely judge the host for it. And it is definitely a hassle to carry another pair of shoes with you, particularly if you are just popping in for a brew.

I honestly had never come across this until I moved down south.

YABU.