to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I'd imagine most people going to a party would arrive in a car, or not have walked far, as usually party type shoes aren't comfortable for walking a long way. (I walked back to SIL house a mile and a half from a wedding and ended up walking barefoot for at least half the way!!)
..so the shoes won't have tramped through a bog or trodden over 10 cow pats, they'll have literally walked a few min over a pavement or path in most cases. Outside of parties, I'm sure people would generally remove shoes if they were clearly muddy, wet or dirty to enter their own or a friends house whether they had a shoe-on or shoe-off house.

I'm another one who's never been asked to take my shoes off for a party, and rarely in other people's houses in general - I don't ask people to take their shoes off when they come to mine either. Each to their own, but it certainly isn't unusual not to require it, in my experience.

In fact, when I'm working from home I usually put proper shoes on myself, because it helps me transition from "home" to "work". Never suffered any ill effects as a result!

What - even if there was a fresh pack of men's socks available?

For a formal fundraising event it's incredibly rude and uncivilised, I would've turned around and left.

It's fine to ask guests to take shoes off, but not for a formal party. Nope. Shoes undermines the entire formality of a "posh" event. Weird.

Shoes off people are weird and I would have left.

@OP, what did the other guests at the party think? Did anyone actually discuss the naked feet situation or was it an huge elephant in the room?

I’m with you. I also have feet I would feel terribly uncomfortable having to expose. A really bad deformed fungal/damaged big toe nail and bunions. I wouldn’t like the assumption that everyone is comfortable getting their feet out, it’s inconsiderate.

YABU O.P. To have a formal party at your house and expect people to take their shoes off is ridiculous imo, if you care that much about your floors have a party in local hall or something, I've been bought up with parents having parties and couple of rooms had wooden floors but never had a shoes off policy, I would respect someone who had a shoes off rule generally but I don't know many that do. Wouldn't have hurt to put on invite, as op and a few on here have said lots plan outfits based on shoes (was it carpets or wooden floors she was worried about? Someone could hsve slipped on wooden floor🤔)

I agree. It's really very inhospitable to hold a party and make people remove an essential part of their outfit. You will be cleaning the floors afterwards anyway, FFS. To do it without warning is even worse. I would have gone home - fuck that nonsense.

I'd be gutted if I went to the effort to organise a big fundraising event in my house (with all the time, effort and risks this involves, things getting broken, stained etc) to help another family and there was a woman bitching about me on the internet.

I don't want strangers taking their shoes off in my house. I don't want to see their feet.

Well I’d be gutted if I went to a party ready to donate money to a good cause and I was made to feel awkward and uncomfortable by an insane rule about shoes.

And the host most likely made less money for the good cause because of this.

Perhaps shoes off people should install one of those Chlorinated foot baths they used to have before going into swimming pools! That means they could save lots of money from buying those lovely unopened mens socks! They could buy a carpet cleaner with the savings it's a win win situation 😂

Well fair enough! It would never occur to me to give less money because of this but each to their own!

Well these events often have silent auctions, collections at various points, speeches talking about the cause- all of which you will miss if you leave early due to being uncomfortable.

Gosh, I have just realised how disgusting all those Hollywood stars are, walking the red CARPET in their filthy outdoor shoes.

Someone needs to stop this! If we all start to create a buzz now, I predict that next year’s big fashion hit at the Oscars will be #unopenedpackofmenssocks

YES let's make it happen filthy dirty red carpet 😷

I think, though, this is where the problem with imposing the rule at a formal function begins. I don’t wear socks under formal footwear.

As someone noted upthread, although this thread is looking very polarised, there is actually a fair bit of middle ground: lots of people saying children should take shoes off inside and even prepared to ask children visiting to, as well as people having shoes off in their own homes. So it’s not all shoes on or shoes off. It’s a “time and place” contextual thing

It was more like the huge whiff in the room!🤣

Would it be rude to say there seems to be some sort of class divide to this.

Well, feeling gutted could be easily avoided by not making guests feel awkward in the first place.
If it’s a formal event the majority of people wouldn’t expect to be asked to take off their shoes.

Well I there possibly is except what’s confusing that is this was supposedly a “ posh” party 🤷🏻‍♀️

The class divide is clearly: upper class - shoes on (wouldn’t dream of being bad hosts, have wooden, stone floors with cleaners)

Lower middle class with carpets - shoes off.

Other cultures excepted.

Sorry upper class shoes on!!