to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

Apologies!

I got the wrong end of the stick.

I've only ever been to one house party where guests were asked to remove their shoes. It was a crap party and the main topic of conversation between the guests was about how rude it is to ask people to take off their shoes at a party.

😂

That wins the thread.

Case closed!

What phenomenally boring guests.

More like a phenomenally boring party. Shoes off was only the tip of the iceberg.

Why would anyone take slippers with them when they hadn't been told beforehand that shoes were to be removed and what women puts on her best frock, great shoes and socks?

I refuse to take my shoes off in other people's homes. There are all sorts of reasons not to far more reasons not to remove than there are to remove. If you want me you get my shoes too

That's fine with us. We have a box of those disposable plastic shoe covers in our front porch. Guests/tradesmen are welcome to use those instead of removing their shoes.

So, if I was to come to your house for coffee I'd have to put shoe covers on?

I have a feeling we probably wouldn't get on! Do you let tradespeople use your toilet?

You definitely do not ask adults to take their shoes off at a house party

never have i ever been asked

no way

For a party?

What do these people do if hosting a bbq

are guests expected to take shoes on/off each time they pop inside ?

I imagine they hire a DavLav!

I bet they would.

Thinking how I probably would feel odd taking my shoes off if I hadn't planned to, and not reading the quote properly, I imagined this was describing FEET...

I'd need to sand and paint with industrial strength varnish mine before exposing them.

We are shoes off and everyone I know asks at the door when they see my light grey carpets. If the carpets need a clean (3 kids 🥲) I say don’t bother but they insist. Health visitors, tradesmen etc all put on shoe covers automatically.

The only time I insist on people wearing shoes is if we are hosting a BBQ and loads of kids will be in and out of the garden. An indoor event? I have lots of pairs of slippers and an unopened pack of men’s socks should you wish.

OH is from a culture that is shoes off indoors.

They wouldn't enforce it on a party that was people from outside their culture though. Once when my mum was invited I told her she might need to take her shoes off but when she got there OH mum told her to keep them on

So you'd tell guests to take shoes off and offer men's socks and slippers? Even though your carpets are a bit dirty with 3 kids?

If I’m hosting then the carpets will be almost white.

They can get less than perfect in the winter time when it is hard to dry them. The colour might be nice when I’m done yes, but it will smell like wet dog lmao.

You would ask your guests to wear a pair of flappy men's socks with their outfit?

Are you being ironic? I'm genuinely struggling to understand how you justify being that rude to a guest.

Most of my guests/friends have been men so no flappy bits to worry about. As they are kind, considerate and good partners they have let their girlfriends, wives and boyfriends know, so no awkwardness.

In my view and culture wearing shoes in another person’s house is rude and dirty. I don’t judge other people for choices that they make in their own homes, but I would prefer it if the people I open my doors to will help a busy mum out, in maintaining my floors and general cleanliness.

I guess this is something we will simply not agree on.

Yes, different if you're offering men's socks to men, at least.

But indeed, we won't agree on the concept because I do think it's rude and gauche to value flooring over the comfort of a guest.

I feel your pain. Five foot nothing here and my party outfits include my shoes. I wouldn’t dream of asking guests to my house to remove their shoes, unless they’re wearing work boots. Having said that the only person I know who expects shoes to be removed Is my cousin and they’re a 5’ 11” + family 🙄 I feet like a 6 year old even with my shoes on.