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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share DD's form

173 replies

storm89 · 15/04/2024 09:03

I'm a single parent to my DD9. She was diagnosed with autism last year and the Doctor told me about DLA. I got round to applying for it this year (I put it off for ages as the form looked awful!) and she has recently been awarded it.

My friend has a DD in the same class as mine and she has just been diagnosed with autism (she's actually very similar to my DD). I was talking to her over text last night and she's asked me to email her a copy of the DLA form so that she can basically copy and paste, as she thinks this will result in her DD also being awarded.

This doesn't sit right with me - the form was very specific to DD's needs which won't be identical to her DD's. It also took me hours to fill out!

AIBU if I say no, even if it makes things awkward? My friend does ask for an awful lot of favours so I'm not sure if that is clouding my judgement a bit.

OP posts:
Cofaki · 15/04/2024 09:04

I think yabu. Those forms are notoriously really difficult to fill out and it would be really helpful for your friend to be able to use yours as a bit of a template that she can then personalise to her child. It makes no difference to you if she uses it, but just be clear that she needs to rewrite it and only use it as an inspiration rather than copying and pasting.

walkerscrispsarethenuts · 15/04/2024 09:05

Can you tell her you can't find it?

If not simply say you won't because there is a lot of personal information on it.

Mrsjayy · 15/04/2024 09:05

Of course you are not unreasonable .

BettyShagter · 15/04/2024 09:05

You don't have to send her a copy.

Offer to go round and help her fill it in.

35andThriving · 15/04/2024 09:06

I would feel the same as you do. I have a disability. There is no way I'd share my forms.

Marblessolveeverything · 15/04/2024 09:06

Have you draft work you would be willing to share?

Mrsjayy · 15/04/2024 09:07

Mrsjayy · 15/04/2024 09:05

Of course you are not unreasonable .

Don't send anything to her, I can't believe how cheeky is she.

rainydaysaway · 15/04/2024 09:07

Tell her it has a lot of personal information relating to your DD so you are not sharing due to privacy issues.

Original poster
storm89 · 15/04/2024 09:07

I've offered to go round to hers and help her fill it out but she declined - she only wants me to send her the form.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 15/04/2024 09:08

I would say no as it’s very specific to your DD’s needs but you can sit with her and offer to help to complete it.

35andThriving · 15/04/2024 09:08

The thing is, if she plagiarises your forms, it could come back to BITE you.

MiddleParking · 15/04/2024 09:08

I would say you feel that level of detail isn’t yours to share.

2dogsandabudgie · 15/04/2024 09:08

Just say to her that it wouldn't really help her as it's specific to your daughter's needs, but if she gets stuck on any questions to feel free to contact you.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/04/2024 09:09

I wouldn't send it because it is your daughter's private information. It is like asking someone to send over their child's medical records - even if you want to help her with the form, that is not the way to do it.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 15/04/2024 09:09

I would say no too, it is very specific and personal to your child.

HoppingPavlova · 15/04/2024 09:09

I would site personal information and your DD not being of an age/position to consent and you don’t feel comfortable on this basis.

vix3rd · 15/04/2024 09:09

Do you even have a copy of it ?
Last time I filled in a Benefits form it was online & then I pressed a button & it sent away & never had a copy ?

Soñando25 · 15/04/2024 09:10

I would also say no, but offer to help fill in the form with your friend.

Seeline · 15/04/2024 09:10

It contains private sensitive information that belongs to your DD. No, I would not be sharing that. It is not yours to share.

WingsofRain · 15/04/2024 09:10

No, you absolutely can’t do that, she would be committing fraud and you would be helping her.

If she needs help filling in the form she should speak to the CAB.

wizzywig · 15/04/2024 09:10

Awkward situation for you op. Bet she is the kind to make out you're being a cow for not sharing. I wouldn't share either.

Clarinet1 · 15/04/2024 09:11

If you can spare the time I’d go for the offer to help her fill in her own form. That way your conscience will be clear but you will still have provided some support. On the other hand, don’t get into a situation where, if she doesn’t get an award, she can accuse you of tweaking her answers resulting in her DD being turned down!
Another thing is there may be a charity which can talk her through the form.

BettyShagter · 15/04/2024 09:12

storm89 · 15/04/2024 09:07

I've offered to go round to hers and help her fill it out but she declined - she only wants me to send her the form.

So tell her no, due to the personal info and stick to it.

InTheRainOnATrain · 15/04/2024 09:12

Just tell her it’s not your information to share and DD understandably wants to keep it private. You’re being extremely kind and helpful to offer to sit with her and help, I can’t believe she’s pushing you on this!!

2dogsandabudgie · 15/04/2024 09:12

storm89 · 15/04/2024 09:07

I've offered to go round to hers and help her fill it out but she declined - she only wants me to send her the form.

Just say that your form wouldn't be of any help as it's about your daughter and just keep repeating that every time she asks.