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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share DD's form

173 replies

storm89 · 15/04/2024 09:03

I'm a single parent to my DD9. She was diagnosed with autism last year and the Doctor told me about DLA. I got round to applying for it this year (I put it off for ages as the form looked awful!) and she has recently been awarded it.

My friend has a DD in the same class as mine and she has just been diagnosed with autism (she's actually very similar to my DD). I was talking to her over text last night and she's asked me to email her a copy of the DLA form so that she can basically copy and paste, as she thinks this will result in her DD also being awarded.

This doesn't sit right with me - the form was very specific to DD's needs which won't be identical to her DD's. It also took me hours to fill out!

AIBU if I say no, even if it makes things awkward? My friend does ask for an awful lot of favours so I'm not sure if that is clouding my judgement a bit.

OP posts:
Medschoolmum · 15/04/2024 14:07

Of course yanbu. It is your dd's private medical information and not yours to share. She shouldn't have asked in the first place, but maybe she hadn't thought it through...

You've offered to help her complete it herself. It's up to her to decide if she wants to take that offer or leave it.

Sleepingbunny1 · 15/04/2024 14:09

just tell her you didnt keep a copy and you sent off the original- you dont have to photocopy it

Calamitousness · 15/04/2024 14:12

I would just say that I couldn’t find it after looking for her. Tell her you will have put it somewhere safe but just can’t remember where. YANBU.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 15/04/2024 14:16

storm89 · 15/04/2024 09:07

I've offered to go round to hers and help her fill it out but she declined - she only wants me to send her the form.

Wow, she has some nerve. No I wouldn’t pass on sensitive and private medical information for someone to copy, and I’d happily fall out over it.
Like you, I’d have offered to help her - although I’d withdraw that offer now!
Let her put in the bloody work you did.

coxesorangepippin · 15/04/2024 14:17

Tell her it's no longer available online?

Or did you tell her you'd taken a photocopy? If so, tell her you can't find it

Cheeky mare

coxesorangepippin · 15/04/2024 14:18

I've offered to go round to hers and help her fill it out but she declined - she only wants me to send her the form.

^

Tells you everything you need to know

Snackarooney · 15/04/2024 14:21

Yanbu

Those forms are relentless yes and it's hard and you wouldn't want anyone going through that stress if yiu can help it BUT I put a lot of time and effort into my sons forms and cried for days when putting in paper everything that he needed hel with or can't do. If someone asked me could they copy it I'd day no but I'd help them fill it in. I did not put myself through that for someone else to just use it absolutely not.

Dla is awarded on care needs not diagnosis so just because she's got a diagnosis doesn't mean she has the same needs my 2 have got completely different.

Itw entirely up to you but personally, I wouldn't.

frazzledbutcalm · 15/04/2024 14:28

No. “Sorry friend, but I can’t send a copy of my form. DLA is individual needs based, my form has very personal information about my dd which I’m not willing to share. To be honest I spent hours on mine, I’m emotionally drained from it all and I really can’t go through it again.”
End of.

frazzledbutcalm · 15/04/2024 14:29

Oh .. and don’t offer to go round again to help. If she asks, sorry I’m busy.

MuggleMe · 15/04/2024 14:35

I'd explain there's a lot of personal medical information that it's not your place to share, but happy to help with filling it out. Sounds like she wants to lie and say the same as you to get funding.

Popchippps · 15/04/2024 14:42

Tell her you can’t find your copy but she can contact citizens advice who will be able to help her

Thegoodbadandugly · 15/04/2024 14:42

Why on earth would they put you in that position that is not right, that information is your daughters every child is different.

WigglyVonWaggly · 15/04/2024 14:52

Tell her that you view your daughter’s information on the form as confidential, so no, she and a classmate can’t have full access to it. She can have help filling in specific parts.

PrincessTeaSet · 15/04/2024 14:53

2dogsandabudgie · 15/04/2024 09:08

Just say to her that it wouldn't really help her as it's specific to your daughter's needs, but if she gets stuck on any questions to feel free to contact you.

This is a good response

LyndaSnellsSniff · 15/04/2024 15:06

Just mention GDPR/safeguarding. I really think it would be pretty unwise for you to share anyway. It feels sort of fraudulent.

BusyMummy001 · 15/04/2024 15:31

rainydaysaway · 15/04/2024 09:07

Tell her it has a lot of personal information relating to your DD so you are not sharing due to privacy issues.

This - the information is your DD’s private information. It’s unethical to share it with anyone not connected to processing the form. You could maybe have a coffee and help her with tricky bits?

Cocothecoconut · 15/04/2024 15:39

That would be a breach of GDPR and may also come back to bite you asvwell as her on the bum
Dont do it

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2024 15:45

Hell no. Too many ways could bite you in the ass and its your dd info.

Littlelatte90 · 15/04/2024 16:14

I wouldn’t share my child’s form. Yes they are difficult to fill out but they are also full of personal information about your child. I had a family member help my fill my child’s form out as she understood the questions better than myself but all the information was about my child. I would tell her again you can help her fill it out but will not be sharing your childs private information for her to copy and paste to make sure she is awarded.

Summerpussy · 15/04/2024 16:53

It's your daughter's private information
Of course you are not meant to share it
Obviously you say no to the other mum

Summerpussy · 15/04/2024 16:54

A proper friend would not ask u,would not put u in such an awkward situation

Aspergallus · 15/04/2024 16:57

Your daughter is 9 years old and has a right to privacy; it's her information after all. Imagine your friend asked your local GP practice for your daughter's medical notes? Same thing -the DLA form is incredibly detailed.

"It's a really detailed form and has DDs private information in it; I don't feel I have the right to make a decision to share that with anyone. But happy to give you some help completing it if you want"

And just keep repeating "Its DDs private information, it's not mine to share. Sorry".

Fathomless · 15/04/2024 16:57

Codlingmoths · 15/04/2024 13:11

I would just say that it’s really personal information about your daughter, several hours worth, and you won’t be sharing it except with medical professionals, but your offer to come over stands.

this. there's no way I would be sharing private information like that.

PicaK · 15/04/2024 17:14

I have shared my child's form with a good friend - but I knew it wouldn't be copies as they need to describe their own child's needs and link it to various pieces of evidence as proof.
Mine took c40 hours to fill in. They are a mammoth enterprise. I'm appalled she rejected your help

Nanny0gg · 15/04/2024 17:16

Cofaki · 15/04/2024 09:04

I think yabu. Those forms are notoriously really difficult to fill out and it would be really helpful for your friend to be able to use yours as a bit of a template that she can then personalise to her child. It makes no difference to you if she uses it, but just be clear that she needs to rewrite it and only use it as an inspiration rather than copying and pasting.

Why should she share her DD's personal information?

The generic bits are one think but personal stuff is private