To not share DD's form

[storm89]

I'm a single parent to my DD9. She was diagnosed with autism last year and the Doctor told me about DLA. I got round to applying for it this year (I put it off for ages as the form looked awful!) and she has recently been awarded it.

My friend has a DD in the same class as mine and she has just been diagnosed with autism (she's actually very similar to my DD). I was talking to her over text last night and she's asked me to email her a copy of the DLA form so that she can basically copy and paste, as she thinks this will result in her DD also being awarded.

This doesn't sit right with me - the form was very specific to DD's needs which won't be identical to her DD's. It also took me hours to fill out!

AIBU if I say no, even if it makes things awkward? My friend does ask for an awful lot of favours so I'm not sure if that is clouding my judgement a bit.

No. Absolutely don't give her your form to copy. They are private documents.

But could you help her fill it in perhaps?

My mum volunteers for Age UK and helps people fill in the form for DLA and the carers allowance. They are quite complicated, and can seem very overwhelming to people who aren't familiar with them.

The blank form or the one filled in with your daughter's information?

Share it, or parts of it. It's not as if there'll be less for your DD

YANBU. I know the form is hard and stressful (I’ve filled it in 3 times over the years), but really why should your friend get out of doing it?

All this be kind/people pleasing really gets on my nerves at times. This is a very personal form specific to your DD, which you will have spent hours filling in and going over. And also it just feels like such a cop out on your friend’s part if she uses your DD’s.

By all means, give her pointers and advice. There’s nothing wrong with that. But she shouldn’t be copying your DD’s form.

Absolutely not. Your DDs private info and she clearly wants to copy and paste, not use it to help her fill out correctly. Stick to your guns. No, you can't send her form. Its personal to your DD medical info and would not apply to her daughter but you'll help her fill out the form according to her own childs needs if she wishes (and even that is being nicer than you need to be).

You're not unreasonable to not want to share your Dads private medical information with her. You've already offered the perfectly reasonable option of going round to assist her with the forms, it sounds like she just thinks copying yours is a fast track to being guaranteed the payments. No way would I be sharing such personal information about my child with someone.

Basically she’s having a strop and cutting her nose off to spite her face. Your advice could be really valuable to her.

But she’s having a sulk instead, so leave her to it. Maybe in a week just ask her how she’s getting on with it and if she’s still struggling just say your offer still stands if she still needs any help. If she rejects the offer a second time (in a huff at you most probably) then I’d just leave her to it completely. Just don’t give in.

If you sent the form you will be complicit in a crime. Just don’t your first instincts were right.

Do not share your DD's private medical information with anyone, particularly not with the CF who thinks they can copy it

That's fraud on both your parts and just plain wrong

Her child's needs will be very different to your child's, she needs to describe her child's needs accurately.

Scope, CAB and Benefits and Work all publish free online guides about how to complete the forms.
Link to the Scope guide
https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/disability-living-allowance-dla/#Completing-the-DLA-form-click

She can Google the others.

Send her a link to the actual claims process with the blank form. Offer to chat with her about the tricky bits and give pointers. There's no way you should show your actual answers.

Having been in these systems for years, I have helped lots of people with DLA forms. Just reply that every child is different and what is put on the form can be cross referenced with info from other sources. Therefore, much better that your friend accepts your help in completing the form with her own child's specifics.

YANBU. If you let her copy the form, they might realise and then you could get in trouble.

Can you tell her you've lost it?

You need to stop her favours and fade her out. What does she do for you?

Redact everything private and send her that, probably just leaves name and address! She may be totally overwhelmed by the form, but offering to help should be good enough, wanting to copy yours is not on for so many reasons.

Agree completely

Tell her it has personal information about your daughter you are not willing to share.

How does she even know you have a form? Or a copy of it?
You get the form, you fill it in, you return it with your supporting evidence and the form disappears in your local postbox?
Tell her you don't have the form anymore, that you posted it back?

Why would you want to share very detailed and personal information about your child with someone else? It would be nice if you could offer to help her though but she's not very sensitive to your situation though .

Well you offered, that's all you can do.

Definitely don't send it, you could both be in trouble if hers is discovered to be copied from yours. Also if it's anything like my DD's the descriptions of her behaviour and care needs are very private and she wouldn't want me to share it with anyone, even a close relative. Just tell her it's private, you don't want to risk losing your benefits and all children with autism are very different so she needs to write about her own child.

Absolutely do not share it. It contains private information about your daughter.

You could point her to Cerebra who have a very comprehensive guide to completing DLA forms for non-physical disabilities. There’s no way I’d share my daughters form with anyone, it’s has very personal information about things she struggles with and is private to her.

@CheeryPye The one with my daughters information.

@MohairTortoise I took a photocopy of the form for my records, before sending it off.

Does she know this? Just say you don't have it.