To not share DD's form

[storm89]

I'm a single parent to my DD9. She was diagnosed with autism last year and the Doctor told me about DLA. I got round to applying for it this year (I put it off for ages as the form looked awful!) and she has recently been awarded it.

My friend has a DD in the same class as mine and she has just been diagnosed with autism (she's actually very similar to my DD). I was talking to her over text last night and she's asked me to email her a copy of the DLA form so that she can basically copy and paste, as she thinks this will result in her DD also being awarded.

This doesn't sit right with me - the form was very specific to DD's needs which won't be identical to her DD's. It also took me hours to fill out!

AIBU if I say no, even if it makes things awkward? My friend does ask for an awful lot of favours so I'm not sure if that is clouding my judgement a bit.

I'd say it's got your daughters private medical information on it and you don't think it's right to share this confidential info. You could share a copy with any sensitive information redacted if it would help, as a middle ground

Absolutely not. If nothing else it’s your daughter’s privacy too. Tell her you can’t find it if you don’t want to tell her an outright no

Absolutely no. It’s your daughter’s privacy if nothing else. If you don’t want to tell her an outright no, say you’ve lost the form

Oh no! Don't send her an official form with your information on it. She needs to go through the proper channels and get her own forms.! You could end up in trouble for helping to perpretate a fraud! If she uses even 1 of your details ,that's what it would be.

Yanbu, what everything else has said, also its fraud.

Obvs not unreasonable. This is your DD's personal info

I think she has made the situation awkward not you!! She is completely unreasonable to expect you to hand over personal information like that.

You are absolutely right not to give her a copy of your daughter's form or to take it with you when you go to help her. My son gets DLA for Crohn's Disease and severe OCD and some of the stuff I filled in was extremely personal and sensitive. He is 11 and a bright, switched on boy, who would be completely mortified if he thought I was sharing his medical information with anyone other than a healthcare professional. What people see day to day is very often not the same as what happens at home and that could certainly be very relevant to ASD if a child masks in public.

Nope from me. I would just say its very personal and you no longer have a copy.

just tell her you don’t have the form, it was posted for submission and you didn’t make a copy

You are absolutely right not to share, it’s private information so she is very wrong in her demands. People mostly share info about specific questions in form of advice.
Tell her you can come and help, don’t discuss taking DD’s form with you at all, then when you are at hers ask her: What question do you want me to help with ? And then explain how you approached this question or all questions.

No way. It's an invasion of your daughter's privacy. Just tell her you are not comfortable sharing the form. This is about protecting your daughter, not making your friend happy.

YANBU!

If anyone asked me similar, I'd be reconsidering the 'friendship'. I've helped a lot of friends/acquaintances/strangers (friends of friends!) fill in forms, but there is absolutely NO way I would share my child's detailed medical information and specific struggles with daily living.
She's a twat.

Say you didn’t keep a copy. That’s that then.

YANBU. Just say that it has personal information on it that you're not willing to share with anyone due to respecting your daughter's privacy. If she keeps asking keep giving her the same answer.

A friend of mine sent me her son's EHCP application to help when I was applying for my daughter. It gave me a couple of ideas of things I hadn't thought were relevant that should be included. I certainly didn't copy anything, I couldn't anyway because the children aren't similar enough. And there's no way I'd have asked for it, it was her idea to send it.

You've been given a hundred ways to explain that you cannot share. Either take their advice or share it and if you get into trouble for fraud, blame only yourself.

My friend does ask for an awful lot of favours so I'm not sure if that is clouding my judgement a bit.

She's not your friend, she's a user who's only interested in you as someone who can be of service to her. 100% don't share the form and don't take it with you either - it's your daughter's private information.

You should also start saying no to her constant demands for assistance. I think you'll find she loses interest in the 'friendship' as soon as you stop letting her walk all over you.

What a cheek!
It's your daughters private medical info.

Reiterate you (very generously) are willing to help complete the form but you sre not willimg to disclose your daughters private medical info.

Edit:saw the backtracking ... ludicrous
Do not go.
If you feel you must either forget the form or straight up tell her how unreasonable/ demanding she is being

@Nanaof1 I've already said I'm not going to share it.

This was your very last post before I replied. I replied to that. You say you aren't going to share it, then "don't know how to make things not awkward." She sounds difficult.

storm89 · 15/04/2024 18:46
Just to clarify, I absolutely do not want to share DD's form with her - I just don't know how to make things not awkward as I see her everyday!

this

I've had this last week and I have said to my friend what she needs to research and do and she did it for her first child and got refused. I knew that would happen as she didn't spend enough time on it.

Now she wants to pay me basically to do her younger ones form only because I got an award for my son.

I said can help with questions but that's if. And now am not even going to do that as I've seen her for what she is and that a user.

She uses me for baby sitting and asking for money which I've now stopped. All out for herself and then friendly the next day.

People like that need to learn the hard way am afraid and just say no. Watch if she comes back to you and if not then she is not really a friend after all.