To not share DD's form

[storm89]

I'm a single parent to my DD9. She was diagnosed with autism last year and the Doctor told me about DLA. I got round to applying for it this year (I put it off for ages as the form looked awful!) and she has recently been awarded it.

My friend has a DD in the same class as mine and she has just been diagnosed with autism (she's actually very similar to my DD). I was talking to her over text last night and she's asked me to email her a copy of the DLA form so that she can basically copy and paste, as she thinks this will result in her DD also being awarded.

This doesn't sit right with me - the form was very specific to DD's needs which won't be identical to her DD's. It also took me hours to fill out!

AIBU if I say no, even if it makes things awkward? My friend does ask for an awful lot of favours so I'm not sure if that is clouding my judgement a bit.

Tough.

You've been kind enough to offer to help.

And this won't be the first hurdle she'll have to jump so she needs to get used to getting on with it - just like you have

But if they copy and pate OPs it's fraud. So...
Not to mentionmaybe OP does not want to share very personal details about her daughter witha stranger.

I saw her at the school run this afternoon and she has now backtracked on declining my offer of help - however she would like me to take my completed form with me to hers!

I would conveniently 'forget'. What is her blooming obsession with your form??? To be honest Id have backtracked my offer to help quite frankly.

No I wouldn't. I'd just say, I'm sorry but i can't find it. My offer's still there to help.

Taking the form is as good as sending the form, it’s not your info to share - rinse and repeat to her.

Wouldn't even bother to help her anymore, I would also be securing any paperwork in your home in case she visits and helps herself to anything.

Shame you had to drop the photocopy off with your GP and don't have it any more. :) If she doesn't know about the photocopy, you're fine, but if she does know, just claim you've given it to the GP/the school and no longer have any record of your answers.

Please don't take it with you or let her see it in any way, e.g. a word doc or anywhere you describe your child have it stored electronically.

Every time she asks you what you wrote to answer a question, take a deep breath and say 'It doesn't matter what I wrote, because that was personal to my child and its confidential.
You need to write answers that describe your child'

Rinse and repeat, answer all her "What did you" questions as above. As far as your very CF friend is concerned, every time she asks, she needs to understand is immaterial what you wrote, as well as private and confidential.

You have more patience than me, I'd have told her to mind her own business the first time she asked and I'd also query her motive by asking why is she so desperate to lie on the form.

Do let us know how it goes. Like many other posters, I've been there for DLA and had PIP awarded highest rates and an "inappropriate to set a term" decision at Tribunal when my child became an adult, helped only by the guides available online.

This CF needs to be told in a straight forward manner "I won't be giving or showing you the form as they have my daughter's personal information relating to her on it. I could possibly be done for fraud if I share it's contents with you. However, if you complete your form as much as you can, I am happy to sit with you and help you with the rest."

If she continues asking to see what was in yours, tell her "I am going to step back and leave you to complete your form yourself. Please do not discuss your form with me again as the answer will always be no to looking at my copy."

The thing is what's to say she kicks up a fuss because she gets paid a lower rate or gets her application declined?

Nah, best keep yourself safe and out of any future repercussions for you.

If you do go ahead and show or give it her, then more fool you.

Just to clarify, I absolutely do not want to share DD's form with her - I just don't know how to make things not awkward as I see her everyday!

It's not your form to share, simple as that.

No way would I send the form. Too much personal info on it. If she doesn't like it - tough. CF!

I wouldn't share it. I actually haven't applied for it because the form looks terrible so I can understand her asking for help. To share all that personal information which should be specific to each child is a step too far though.

I think she is relying on you feeling awkward. Don't.
Just say in a light and breezy manner "I don't feel comfortable sharing any info from my form with anyone so please don't ask again. I'm sure you understand." Then change the subject and talk about something else.

Just say no. Your DD's personal information should be protected by you. Your friend is wrong to ask.

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable sharing that much information about my child with someone else. Those forms obviously go into a lot of detail about needs and issues they have. Although my son is a little older I know he'd be mortified if one of my friends know some of the stuff on there.

I'm with everyone else, not only does it contain private medical information, it would be fraudulent for her to copy it. I wouldn't bring it with me, either, she'll get you to leave it with her and just copy it then.

If there is anything you don't quite remember how to fill out, you can tell her you'll check when you get home and text her instructions.

I've just finished filling in my DS's PIP review, so the process is fresh in my mind. I wouldn't share it with anyone. Your friend really doesn't get how personal the form is. I backed up all my statements about DS with links to letters from health professionals. Your friend needs to look at the letters she has about her DD and use those as evidence to support what she's writing.

There's lots online about filling in the form (Cerebra, Scope, Turn2Us), which should help her. And you are being generous to offer to sit and help her.

I think saying you're not comfortable sharing your daughter's private information should be good enough of an excuse, or tell her you're worried you might both run into problems if she copies the form. She might not like it (and will probably think you're being difficult), but it's nothing personal, and many parents would feel that way.

It reminds me of kids asking to copy your paper in school. Entitled people who think they shouldn't have to put in the same effort as everyone else!

You've done enough. No way should you circulate your dd private personal medical info

Quite honestly I wouldn’t even go around to help .. the forms take many many hours to complete, this might sound harsh, but let her sort herself out - you had to, I had to, everyone else has to 🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s so much help online, guides, and irl too. I would just say “I’m really sorry but it was very draining doing mine, it took forever, and I just can’t go through it again”, then tell her about disability help sites and guides. You have enough on your plate looking after your own family.

OP things will be awkward only because of your friend, NOT because of you. You are not making anything awkward. Just say you are happy to help provide prompts and explain the type of information required, but that on both sides neither of you should be sharing detailed private information about your children.

Oh and to add, have a time limit for when you need to get home and state that as soon as you arrive. Don't sit and write every answer with her (which would invade the privacy of her child anyway).

Just say that it's your daughter's personal information so it's private!