AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

[RaspberryRippleDuvet]

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

It won't be your last, I promise.

He's normally a wonderful husband

When he's not being a creepy, controlling sex pest?

He's not a wonderful husband, OP.

You know this isn’t normal op
how is he when you go out with friends does he restrict what you wear expect you to cover up thinking all men have the same attitude he does

Don’t hijack a woman’s post about seriously inappropriate sexual behaviour in a relationship to make this about “not all men”. If you had a daughter who got sexually assaulted would you tell her “not all men” when she came home and told you what happened. You need to take a long hard look in the mirror.

I know the feeling. I've had my partner tell me that if I'm not having sex with him then I need to sleep somewhere else (when he comes to bed hours after me). Apparently my outfit to bed was also inappropriate (shorts, that aren't that short and a t-shirt with suns on). This was only his behaviour when angry with me though. Other times he can come to bed hours after me and leave me alone.

Love, should you be with him? He sounds awful.

He doesn't sound like a wonderful husband to me. He can't control his urges when you show any flesh and aren't in the mood makes him sound like a sex pest.

@Snowontheholly he also sounds awful

I shouldn't laugh 😂😂😂

This comment is why you should not listen to 90% of replies on this website. Single women telling married women their husband is a rapist because he is horny.

I will say that the covering-up part is wrong, you shouldn't have to do that. A man/anyone being horny when the other one isn't doesn't make them a rapist

Where do you get the idea that ‘single women’ are (a) on this thread or (b) unqualified to advise because of their marital status?

If it was just wearing clothes to bed, rather than say sleeping nude, I don't think it's totally odd. It can be a little distracting for some men to have a naked woman there in bed. It doesn't make them jerks. ANd usually it's not too hard to put on some kind of pjs.

But asking you not to sit certain ways is a bit disckish. Some things people just have to suck up.

Does he do it in a jokey way? If he does it in a dead serious way that suggests he might not be able to control himself otherwise, then that would be worrying.

PP aren't saying his behaviour is rapey because he's horny. He is saying he can't control himself, unless his wife covers up. That is language used by rapists and their apologists, that men aren't responsible for their behaviour because women are temptresses.

This is awful. Truly sickening really. Tell him to cover his eyes. Get him a blindfold or tell him to hide himself.

Doesn't this boil down to"he's a wonderful husband when I'm compliant with his sexual desires"?

Yes, and it's pattern recognition. "NAMALT" doesn't change the fact that far too many men are like that.

This gives me the ick. Like you are some sort of sexual object

This right here!

OP this is horrible. The implication is that if you don’t cover up, he may be overcome by desire, and will struggle not to rape you.

I wonder how he’d feel if you suffered from PMT, and advised him to hide all the kitchen knives in the few days before your period, because you were worried you might stab him.

Hmmm. My partner always tells me “if you don’t want sex, I don’t either. I’d rather we both be in the mood” he leaves it at that.

I would be freaked out if he started acting up and throwing a tantrum. It’s like emotional blackmail.

He sounds vile...

And in need of some therapy if he seriously can't control himself around you.

No, that IS his personality. the different person is the "wonderful husband" when you are performing sexually for him.

This man has really terrible views on marriage and women and sex - and you. Not sure how you can stomach this OP.

I'm happily married for 30 years if it helps push back the "nasty single women are misunderstanding horny men" thing that seems to have been posted - yuck.

That is so weird, I would tell him if he mentions it again you will become so repulsed sex will be off the menu full stop. And maybe he should get some therapy, and start wearing blinkers when he walks down the street and an eye mask in the house.

I think it’s clear from the OP he does it in an annoying way.