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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

433 replies

RaspberryRippleDuvet · 14/04/2024 19:18

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

OP posts:
Harry12345 · 17/04/2024 11:07

This reply has been deleted

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GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 17/04/2024 11:38

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I don't believe it's a wind up.

I do believe it's one of the most chilling examples of a woman who is so enmeshed in a coercive controlling, abusive relationship for the past 25 years that she can't see the danger she's in.

I know OP has left the thread, but I do hope she gets the strength to post again... and maybe little by little she'll see the light.

NonPlayerCharacter · 17/04/2024 11:44

Even if it is a wind up (I don't think it is), it's still a very accurate impression of a long term, subtly coercive and controlling relationship that appears to be fine because there's no violence or infidelity. And there are lots of those.

Harry12345 · 17/04/2024 11:57

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 17/04/2024 11:38

I don't believe it's a wind up.

I do believe it's one of the most chilling examples of a woman who is so enmeshed in a coercive controlling, abusive relationship for the past 25 years that she can't see the danger she's in.

I know OP has left the thread, but I do hope she gets the strength to post again... and maybe little by little she'll see the light.

Show quote history

It’s more the way she later dropped in he lets me work, if it’s real it is very chilling

NonPlayerCharacter · 17/04/2024 12:01

Harry12345 · 17/04/2024 11:57

It’s more the way she later dropped in he lets me work, if it’s real it is very chilling

Show quote history

That's exactly how someone in this position will see it. She won't have mentioned it initially because it won't seem significant to her.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 17/04/2024 13:01

NonPlayerCharacter · 17/04/2024 12:01

That's exactly how someone in this position will see it. She won't have mentioned it initially because it won't seem significant to her.

Show quote history

Exactly! He let's her work part-time, he tracks her wherever she goes because he loves her so much.... none of this feels wrong to OP because she is so worn down and controlled by this "wonderful" man.
From the outside we can see how wrong, and abusive, this all is - unfortunately the OP has lived with this so long she doesn't see it & even worse, she doesn't want to be told.
I really hope OP has someone in real life that she can talk to (purposely not tagging OP in case he is also checking her emails, which is not beyond the realms of possibility).

DownWithThisKindOfThing · 17/04/2024 13:26

RaspberryRippleDuvet · 15/04/2024 13:23

I just want to thank everyone for their posts.

I am genuinely shocked at the responses as I thought I was being unfair to be annoyed by his behaviour.

None of you know him so I totally understand why you don't believe me when I say in every other way he's a wonderful husband. He's never violent, never cheats, not weird with other women at all. In fact he idolises me. He is so scared of losing me it torments him, he has nightmares where I've cheated on him or been raped and then he's off-colour for days as it makes him so anxious.

If the tracker doesn't update properly then he calls me or texts me to check I'm okay. He drives me everywhere as he doesn't want me to be anywhere on my own in case I get attacked.

I'll confess that I'd happily go the rest of my life without sex as I really don't enjoy it but I make myself do it for him, as the longer he goes without, the more weird he gets. Years ago I woke up to him masturbating over me.

Thing is, I really really love him, and he's given me a good life. Our children are grown up and out of the home now but he lets me work part-time so I can look after the house and our pets, and look after my parents.

Anyway, you've all given me a lot to think about - I feel a bit shellshocked actually.

It's possible he's reading this as he's an I.T. professional and it wouldn't surprise me. I suppose a part of me wants him to read it, and see how wrong it is. Maybe he doesn't know it's bad because I've always allowed it?

Thanks again. As much as I'm tempted to delete this as it hurts so much, I'm going to leave this thread up so other women with similar situations will know they're not alone.

Goodbye xx

Jesus fucking christ

I hope you can get the strength to leave one day OP

ZetuianRose · 17/04/2024 13:33

”If the tracker doesn't update properly then he calls me or texts me to check I’m OK where I am”

corrected that for you OP 😱

This really went from 0-100 in about 3 seconds, so I’m hoping that it’s a troll thread and NOT serious, because if this is real then this man is TERRIFYING.

Frightening how anyone can type all that out and still believe it is “love” as opposed to abuse!

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