AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

[RaspberryRippleDuvet]

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

@Outliers

yeah I think it’s a bit beyond the scope of a conversation

and you might wanna nip your own partner’s behaviour in the bud as well

@Floppyzebra

dump him
he sounds gross

in every other way he's a wonderful husband. He's never violent, never cheats, not weird with other women at all.

That is the basics in a relationship. Your bar is set very low.
You say you have grown up children. What would you say if your daughter (if you have one) had a relationship like this?

PLEASE, read this thread and the responses, again and again, until you realize that you deserve better than this! Your arse NAADH doesn't respect you nor does he care about you as a person, a human being or an equal.

To him, you are a walking, talking sex doll that doesn't need inflating.

I hope you can recognize just how valuable you are as a person and leave him behind as you finally get to appreciate yourself.

What a fucking creep. No way could I be with someone like him. Gross.

If this isn't a post contrived to encompass every red flag you could think of then you are being seriously abused. It's so bad I can only say to get to women's aid, quickly.

Because sexual assault is not something that should be casually discussed over a cup of tea. He wanked over her, he assaults her, he bullies her into sex. He is a vile misogynistic pig, and no wee chat will fix it. He needs serious professional help and to stay the fuck away from women.

I hope you are reading this and realising that you need to protect yourself from him?

I do think that tbh

I don't subscribe to the LTB motto for everything that's remotely offensive.

Hasn't worked out badly so thankfully

I was going off the original post, i don't have time to read the entire thread

Imo that's incredibly irresponsible of you. The OP is probably in an abusive relationship and because you don't have the time but still want to comment, you're telling her it's no big deal. She might then read that and take it to heart without realising that you are commenting without knowing the whole story.

It's fine if you don't want to read the whole thread. But then don't comment.

Feel free to report my post the moderators if i have violated any rules.

In the meantime i think I'm well within my reasonable right to respond to an OP and buy digest several pages of a thread. Thanks

It's within our rights to do all sorts of dickish things. Fortunately, many of us prefer to not be a dick.

OMG what have I just read. I am reeling from OP latest update😮 😭”woke up to find him masturbating over me” and the comments - he genuinely sounds like more and more he is a rapist (highly suspicious and stronger with each post); but 100% everything OP has said is fact - he IS coercively controlling, a sexual abuser and gas lighter.

Same here.

There's a "see all" button on OPs posts which is helpful especially for long threads. If this thread is real there's a lot at stake here as a PP said.

@DuckDuck1234 is spot on.

@Outliers . There are very many vulnerable women in abusive relationships who don't actually realise it, because their abuser convinces them of a horrible new normal. They tell these women it's normal, and over time the women believe them. So when you blithely and arrogantly come on without bothering to read even the ops posts, to say what their abuser is saying, it is incredibly damaging. The op will cling to it, there's comfort in familiarity.

Do you agree a person who is being coercively controlled (illegal) should LTB? That’s what’s happening here based on facts as presented by OP. AT BEST.

I do agree. Even Wayne Couzens didn’t behave like this at home. It is the most frightening and sinister behaviour. I’m seriously hoping it’s not real.

Edited to add I would be getting support to get to safety and carefully reporting this behaviour to the police. They need to look into this man.

There seems to be an escalation here based on OP posting now and the last update.

He needs a therapist. Or a brick to the head.

The man sounds absolutely terrifying.
If this is what he reveals and treats his wife I am really scared about what he is capable of doing to other women.

I feel for you op obviously there's a part of you that understands his behaviour isn't normal or acceptable otherwise you wouldn't have posted on here. It's horrible to have a mirror held up to your life and to have it valued as abusive and that you are a victim rather than the equal partner you may have thought you were.

I hope you get help, there are many years & decades ahead, I hope you can find the courage to leave him, I'm not sure how at this point because he sounds incredibly dangerous, but I do wish you well and I hate that I feel so concerned that you may not be able to ever be free from him.

I really hope this is a wind up. If not, then OP is sadly seriously in danger if she ever decides to stop having sex against her will. But I guess for now that and being controlled is the price she's willing to pay for financial security and working part time.

Please get some help. He sounds controlling and borderline abusive. Tracking you? Driving you everywhere? The behavior when he doesn't get sex. None of that is normal or healthy.
He needs professional help if you really want to stay together.

There is always going to be a strain on a relationship when someone feels reliant on their partner to fulfil a "need" they have. When that need is not met, then it makes it easier for the person to blame the other and (in your case) start feeling that they can control their behaviour in some way. This is what he is doing by telling what you can and cannot wear.

In Australia we have recently seen the horrific consequences of when this thought process is amplified by mental illness.

OP- you do not exist to fulfil this person's sexual gratification desires, and therefore there is no requirement to feel guilty about it. Your body is not and never has been a service station for his sexual needs, or a payment for "everything he does for you" or as a way to placate the needy baby inside of him.

OP's Partner- if you are reading this, stop listening to Andrew Tate and understand you do not need sex to live or function. You are not and never have been ENTITLED to sex. It's a mutual consent situation. You will lose her and the life you built together.