AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

[RaspberryRippleDuvet]

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

Please be careful. He probably tracks what websites you go on too

I was really hoping this thread was a wind up, because this is very disturbing.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why?

I'll guarantee that the OPs husband will go for the "if you leave me I'll kill myself" crap

What? Why?

No, no, no! He is a wonderful man and you love him EXCEPT for controlling you to the point of putting a tracker on your phone, trying to rape you if you sleep in the same bed, not trusting you for the last 25 years, thinking you are cheating any time you don't want to have sex wit him.

I am sorry, truly sorry, but as much as I rack my brain, I am coming up short at thinking of even ONE redeeming feature he may possess.

Personally, I think the two of you took the fun out of dysfunctional couples. It looks to me like a co-dependant relationship from hell.

Of COURSE you feel like a trapped animal at times. You should feel like a trapped animal 99% of the time, because you, in fact, ARE a trapped animal.

You have 100+ posters, all feeling the same sense of dread and fear of this dud. Do you seriously think we are all wrong?

So many red flags you could make bunting.

OP, you are not responsible for anyone’s mental wellbeing, even if it’s your husband.

Honestly, having read the updates, I think this has to be a wind up 🙄

How does he cope when the warmer weather is here and there are females out and about in cropped tops, shorts, dresses that (horror of horrors) show their bare legs! In other words, women and girls going about leading their lives just as you should be free to lead your life. He sounds such a horrible man who just sees women as pieces of meat and not as thinking and feeling human beings.

I'm surprised he doesn't put you in a burka you saucy little minx!

Given what you've told us, if he has the technical ability to track your phone, laptop etc, he is doing it.

OP be very careful. If he knows that you are becoming aware of his abuse, things could get nasty very quickly. Women's Aid are a good resource to turn to. Your part time job may be helpful as a place to keep a spare phone and essential items. I'm very fearful for you.

You do you but I couldn't be with someone like that -_-

Oh OP, this makes me sad. the only positive is that you see all these controlling behaviours as positives and don't feel in the slightest bit restrained by them (except the sex one). But to be clear, these are not normal healthy aspects of any relationship.

He "lets" you work?

He drives you everywhere? Okay, if that works for you, great. But how does that impact you? for example, if you're out with girlfriends and you spontaneously decide to go on somewhere else for a drink or stay later, I'm guessing you can't do that but have to be waiting at the agreed point when he arrives to collect you? What if you want to go out but he's not available to drive you? Or do you sometimes not do things because he's tired and wouldn't want to drive you?

@RaspberryRippleDuvet

your bar for what constitutes a decent man is ridiculous. Raise it.

I agree.
I find it really disturbing that this behaviour hasn’t been tempered, OP hasn’t left him..so many things sound so very wrong about this “wonderful” man.
Extremely disturbing he has conditioned the OP to the point that despite her feeling “ like a trapped animal ” from his “urges”, she’s still with him.
I'm so sorry you think this is okay, OP.

Your husband is a sexual predator. He has sexually assaulted you while you sleep. He has wanked over you while you slept. He is sexually abusing you. You can't consent if you are asleep. His sexual frustration isn't an excuse.

Your husband controls you all under the guise of protection.

Your husband dictates what clothes you can wear in your own home.

The more I read the more I worry for your safety but also about your lack of awareness. You don't even realise your being abused. You need help to see what's going on here.

I really hope OP gets some help.

What the fuck have I just read? He is NOT a good man. He's a controlling, abusive, gaslighting sex pest. I hope you're taking steps to get away from him OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8

You can't consent while you are asleep. Touching you while you are asleep is assault. Wanking over you while your asleep is assault. Penetrating you while you are asleep is rape.

You are married but your husband doesn't own you or your body. You choose if, when and how NO ONE ELSE.

It just gets worse every time you post. I too hope it is a wind up as this isn't love, it's actually coercive control which is a crime.

He's a criminal. Just not convicted. Yet.. think about that for a bit.

This.

OP, your updates are absolutely chilling. I cannot add too much more to the advice on here, but having been on MN for 16 years, yours is genuinely one of the most disturbing threads I can remember, largely because you sound utterly unaware of his monstrous behaviour.

You sound so nice. Please, please listen to the advice you're getting here.

but he lets me work part-time so I can look after the house and our pets, and look after my parents.
How gallant of him.

Very upsetting to read that you don't want sex but you do it anyway to keep him 'happy'.

You and him both have a fucked up idea of what a relationship is.

Would you want your daughter married to someone like this?

I assume that OP means she feels that she should be working full time, but he supports her to work part time so she can do these other things.

Not that I like the language either, but I can see why she sees this as him being nice to her.

But that doesn't justify the other behaviour, it sounds as if he wants her in the house where he can keep a virtual eye on her.